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The Multi-Level Marketer and Non-Borderline Support
I have been running a new pay-per-click campaign on Google, so I tried to type in some phrases that would generate one of my ads. When I typed in “borderline personality disorder,” I got the usual suspects: Tami Green, McLean Hospital, Amanda Smith’s Organization (Florida Association for BPD), BPD Family… and I got one other ad that intrigued me. It was entitled “Surviving With Borderline” and it linked to a site www.toborderlinepersonlitydisorder.com. I clicked on the ad and was presented with one of those marketing sites that promise to provide you with “The 10 secrets you MUST know about Borderline Personality Disorder.” The site is starts out: Dear Friend, If…
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It’s the emotions stupid
In “When Hope is Not Enough” I quote renown Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh about anger. Here is the quote: Anger is an unpleasant feeling. It is like a blazing flame that burns up our self-control and causes us to say and do things that we regret later. When someone is angry, we can see clearly that he or she is abiding in hell. Anger and hatred are the materials from which hell is made. A mind without anger is cool, fresh and sane. The absence of anger is the basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion. … When we are angry, we are not usually inclined…
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The Implicit/Explicit Connection
When we have a conversation with someone, there are really four “people” trying to communicate. These people are you in your implicit thoughts, feelings, motivations, intent (all things inside your head and unavailable to the other person), you in your explicit expressions, words, body language, actions (all the ways you try and communicate), the other person in their implicit and the other person in their explicit. The most connected conversations are those in which each person can have the other’s “mind in mind.” This state is what complete mentalization is about. It is about understanding the meaning of the other person’s behaviors and words. In a Non-BP/BPD relationship, this connection…
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Concrete Thinking and being a Non-BP
One of the biggest stumbling blocks to developing an effective relationship with someone with BPD (and for the person with BPD him/herself) is the issue of concrete thinking. What is concrete thinking? Concrete thinking is the tendency of someone to be unable to generalize about a particular subject. It is the opposite and absence of abstract thinking, in which someone can generalize. Concrete thinking is looking at instance rather than class. What I mean is that a concrete thinker looks at a particular dog and can only speak about that particular dog (instance). He/she is unable to think about dogs, mammals and animals in general (which are classes and subclasses).…
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Fear and Shame
Today, I figured I would discuss fear and shame. Not many people realize the impact that these two emotions have on people’s behavior. I believe that most of the “controlling” behavior in relationships is based on these two emotions. My daughter is angry at her boyfriend for being controlling. He monitors her and gets upset when she does something that is not what he expects. I believe that his behavior has to do with his fear of losing her to someone else and his shame that he feels deep down that he is not really good enough for her. Shame is particularly corrosive, and it is, of course, a big…