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An article “clarifying” the latest Courtney Love custody decision…
Courtney Love in wake of losing custody of Frances Bean: ‘terrible influences, pure evil’
By Vicki Hyman/The Star-Ledger
December 15, 2009, 10:29AM
 Courtney and Frances Bean Courtney Love has left a string of only occasionally coherent messages on her Facebook page in the wake of a Los Angeles court decision to give temporary custody of Frances Bean Cobain to the girl’s paternal grandmother: “cruelty to children and people too young to understand that under that rock isnt gold its only,.,,,,, utah on steroids” and “terrible influences, pure evil. and a poor baby caught inside a trap”.
That clears things up.
Love’s lawyer tells People that Frances Bean, Love’s daughter with dead rock icon Kurt Cobain, wanted to live with her grandmother, and the judge’s decision should not be taken as confirmation that Love has had a drug relapse.
“Courtney’s been clean for years and is perfectly fine,” Keith A. Fink says. “Frances is 17 and a strong-willed child, and this is a decision she made on her own. No matter what, Courtney loves her daughter more than anything in the world.”
Frances Bean has reportedly always been close with her grandmother, who had custody during a particularly messy period (and that’s saying something) of Love’s life in 2003 and 2004.
Faith in objects
Crushed by borderline personality disorder, a local man finds salvation in art
By Amy Yannello
 Ink and Paper Horse Sculpture by Mark Williams Mark Williams—no relation to the local radio talk-show host of the same name—may be the most talented artist you’ve never heard of.
From the biodome-like steel structure in his backyard, to the 4-by-6 mixed-wood xylophone he crafted from scratch, to the two working looms he built and uses in his back bedroom, Williams is one of those artists for whom it seems there is nothing his mind can conceive that he cannot create.
His modest home in north Sacramento is filled with his various art projects, such as meticulously crafted moving carrousels, which, to the naked eye from some distance away, appear to be crafted from plaster or wood, but when viewed close up, are made of paper, pen and ink.
Williams’ various projects have never been displayed for the public, though he’s been asked to do so at various times, he says. The answer as to why goes to the core of Williams’ persona—one that he works daily to overcome.
“They said it was up to them where and how they placed my stuff,” Williams explained. “They didn’t take my input seriously. I didn’t trust them. I said, ‘Forget it.’”
Williams has borderline personality disorder, a mental illness affecting more than 6 million people in the United States, but shrouded in misinformation and is still rarely talked about.
According to Dr. Neil R. Bockian, in his book, New Hope for People With Borderline Personality Disorder, the daily life of a person with BPD can take on all the precariousness of an emotional roller coaster, driven in part by “inaccurate perceptions, misguided thoughts, and shortsighted assumptions about others in their environment.”
But not everyone with BPD has the same symptoms. Williams, for example, has had long-term relationships, where many people with classic BPD do not. Nevertheless, he says his BPD led to an intense mistrust of people and institutions, fueled almost certainly by his mother’s death when he was 2 years old, and his father putting him into an orphanage, where he stayed until he was 18.
Continue reading Story of an Artist with BPD
Here is a story I stumbled across about a nurse allegedly encouraging people to commit suicide on the Internet.
Minnesota Nurse Investigated for Allegedly Encouraging Suicide
Police Say William Melchert-Dinkel May Have Had Suicide Fetish
By SARAH NETTER
Oct. 16, 2009—
A Minnesota nurse whose license was revoked by the state is under investigation for allegedly encouraging the suicides of people he met on the Internet.
William Melchert-Dinkel, 47, has not yet been charged, but the case has drawn the attention of the U.S. Attorney’s Office and several Minnesota law enforcement agencies after as many as five people attempted suicide or successfully completed the act.
Melchert-Dinkel’s license was revoked by the Minnesota Board of Nursing in June in light of the police investigation and after years of reprimands and documented infractions. The license had been suspended since February.
According to the nursing board’s public action document, it received a complaint in August 2008 that Melchert-Dinkel was under investigation by the St. Paul, Minn., Police Department for allegedly using fake identifies on the Internet and encourgaing people to kill themselves, sometimes watching the suicides via webcam.
The complainant, according to the document, was the mother of a 32-year-old man who, she said, had hanged himself after corresponding with Melchert-Dinkel online.
In January 2009, Melchert-Dinkel was admitted to a hospital, the admissions survey noting that he was “dealing with addiction to suicide Internet sites,” and, “feeling guilty because of past and present advice to those on the Internet of how to end their lives.”
The nursing assessment also noted that Melchert-Dinkel had a four-year “suicide fetish” and had posed as a 28-year-old woman on the Internet in order to make suicide pacts with others even though he had no intention of following through on his end.
A medical record from that time indicated Melchert-Dinkel was involved with an Ottawa woman who jumped to her death after talking with Melchert-Dinkel online. He reportedly also told individuals that his nursing experience gave him “expert knowledge into the most effective ways to kill yourself.”
Reached by phone, Melchert-Dinkel declined to comment to ABC News about his job or the allegations against him.
“What they said was all nothing new,” he said of the information contained in the Board of Nursing document.
Nurse Questioned in Suicides Has History of Reprimands
Also included in the Board of Nursing document is a lengthy list of on-the-job reprimands and accusations of neglect dating back to 1994 — three years after Melchert-Dinkel got his license — when he was working at a Minneapolis nursing home.
At various times over the past 15 years, Melchert-Dinkel was reported for things such as failing to administer and document patient medications, having “disrespect for cultural differences” and abusing his patients.
Faribault, Minn., Police Capt. Neal Pederson said that police have checked with Melchert-Dinkel’s former employers, including a Faribault nursing home, but there have been no reports of suicides or attempts at those places.
His department has assisted officials from both St. Paul, Minn., and the state Bureau of Criminal Investigation. The issue of what to do with the information against Melchert-Dinkel is problematic on several fronts, he said.
“Part of it has to do with the international [aspect]: Is Canada going to charge him or are we going to charge him,” he said.
The Board of Nursing document indicated another person in England had committed suicide after corresponding with Melchert-Dinkel.
Authorities, Pederson said, are also trying to figure out which specific laws Melchert-Dinkel may have broken. While it is illegal in Minnesota to encourage suicide, there is no such federal law. Because Melchert-Dinkel used the Internet and because of the location of some of the suicides, it is unclear which jurisdiction would take precedence.
Deborah Chevalier, the mother of the 18-year-old Canadian woman who jumped to her death, told ABC’s Austin, Minn., affiliate KAAL, “I want him to be found guilty go to jail, and thereby sending a clear message to Internet predators.”
 Practice and Balance When I was a child, I went to a fairly fundamentalist church. We had this Christian tract that showed man on one side and God on the other, with “clouds of sin” in between, obscuring man’s view of God. Repentance and faith in Jesus would “clear the air.” There was another one, with which you are probably familiar if you’ve ever been exposed to these things, where man is on one side and God is on the other and there is a big gulf of sin in between. The cross ends up being the bridge that allows man over the gulf.
Now that I am a grownup I lean more toward skillfulness than faith. However, the idea of “clouds” obscuring a “true view” of reality still appeals to me. These clouds are now sin now, they are ineffective cognitions, whether cognitive distortions or negative emotions. I see the interaction between two people as a dance or a piece of music in which each plays a part. Training, practice and conditioning all come into play when one is preparing to dance. If a dancer over-thinks, she is sure to fall on her rear or step on her partner’s toes. If one’s mind is engaged in cognitive distortions or negative emotions, one can’t dance properly.
Years ago, I read “Zen and the Art of Archery.” In the book, the author has to develop a certain mind-set to hit the target. Much of this mind-set involves getting out of one’s own mental way and practicing the skill until it becomes second-nature. Whether it is archery or dance or interpersonal relationships, I find that much of the time, most people get in their own way and end up a tangle of resentments, anger and emotional pain. There are too many automatic thoughts and learned emotional responses that cloud a person’s ability to perform effectively in a relationship.
My suggestion to counteract this is for people to:
- Clear the mind of cognitive distortions and negative emotions
- Don’t assume another person’s motivation
- Practice effective skills to the point of complete mastery
- Relax, take a breath, slow down
You can purchase “Zen and the Art of Archery” here:
Zen in the Art of Archery
 David Oliver and BPD Support I have been running a new pay-per-click campaign on Google, so I tried to type in some phrases that would generate one of my ads. When I typed in “borderline personality disorder,” I got the usual suspects: Tami Green, McLean Hospital, Amanda Smith’s Organization (Florida Association for BPD), BPD Family… and I got one other ad that intrigued me. It was entitled “Surviving With Borderline” and it linked to a site www.toborderlinepersonlitydisorder.com. I clicked on the ad and was presented with one of those marketing sites that promise to provide you with “The 10 secrets you MUST know about Borderline Personality Disorder.” The site is starts out:
Dear Friend,
If you have a loved one with borderline personality disorder, then this is going to be the most important letter that you have ever read.
Hi, my name is David Oliver. In a few minutes I am about to tell you how I discovered the 10 secrets to helping and supporting a loved one with borderline personality disorder.
10 key secrets that NOBODY else will tell you.
…and is of course ridiculously long and repetitious, imploring you to sign up today for a FREE gift of this newsletter (or whatever). So, I got interested in this David Oliver guy. I did a “whois” on him and found out the site is run by a company called “The Leverage Team, LLC.” Off to Google to find out what the deal is (of course Google knows – haha). It turns out that this “supporter of BPD” is a multi-level marketer. I found this profile of him:
David Oliver is the president of The Leverage Team, LLC. and has over nine years of combined experience specializing in network, multilevel, and referral marketing. Mr. Oliver has written several books, including “The Ultimate Home Business,” which details the benefits of multilevel and network marketing, and “Get Rich Quick Schemes Finally Exposed.” Mr. Oliver graduated from Yale University, with honors, with a degree in Sociology with a concentration in Economics and completed his senior thesis titled: “Visionary Capitalism: A Study of the Network Marketing Phenomenon.” Mr. Oliver is familiar with multilevel marketing companies including: Herbalife, Mary Kay, PartyLite (Blyth), NuSkin, Amway, Arbonne, Pampered Chef, Quixtar, XanGo, Pre-paid Legal, Eniva, USANA, Shaklee, FreeLife, Isagenix, and NewWays and many startup companies. Mr. Oliver sells up to $28,571.42 a month of products, putting him in the top .5% of the multilevel and network marketing industry.
He just makes all the real people, who are honestly trying to help non-borderlines, appear like scam artists and marketing a-holes.
It turns out he also runs a bipolar support board and has posted many articles about bipolar support. To me, he just looks like another guy trying to rich with Google.
Why would you buy my book – over other more popular books like “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and Randi’s new book? The reason is that my book can have a bigger impact on your life than can the others. Why? Because my book focuses on a different aspect of BPD than does these other books. Sure, you could read “One Way Ticket to Kansas” or “Tears and Healing” but ultimately I ask you – what do you wish to do in your relationship? If you want to work it out, read my book. If you want to get divorced, read all those others. Read “Stop Walking on Eggshells” or “Tears and Healing” or “The Essential Guide to BPD” or “One Way Ticket to Kansas” and get divorced. Read my book and work it out.
 Misinformation
Boy, it’s amazing how much bad information travels around the Internet at the speed of light. People are so misinformed about BPD it’s scary. Yesterday, I stumbled across the “Yahoo Answers” site for a question in which a woman asked if she could “help her partner with Borderline Personality Disorder?” There were 10 “answers” to this question. Here are some excerpts from each, which the misinformation pointed out:
“So, you sacrificed your children to a crazy person?? What is wrong with you?? Is there a clinical term for “glutton for punishment”?” Dissolve this toxic relationship immediately!
Judgmental. Non-BPs don’t need another person telling them to leave their partner; there are hundreds of people for that. This commenter is a “top contributor” too with 2,424 answers to questions thus far. I wonder how many wrong/inaccurate questions she’s answered. I guess some of her answers (like those in “Cooking and Recipes”) can’t hurt too many people (unless they poison themselves with bad brownies).
“Your Co-dependency is off the rictor scale when you place your partner ahead of your SONs safety…This is NOT about your partner.. This is about the health welfare and safety of your son… This is an abusive house hold!!!! GET OUT OF THERE IMMEDIATELY!!!”
Judgmental. Another voice saying “get out!” And the use of co-dependency, love it. I wonder if the woman asked the question, “My partner has cancer… is there anyway to help him?” What would be the answer then?
“You really should get yourself and kids out of that situation .Do it for the kids.”
Same.
“I hate to tell you this, but he’s not going to change. Personality disorders are incurable and they only end when the person with them dies.”
Oh yeah? Well, when did you get this information? 1980? The APA is considering taking the word “personality” out of BPD (and borderline for that matter). Look into the research before you hand out advice. DBT, SFT and Mentalization-based therapies all show promise in reducing the behaviors and feelings below the 5 of 9 threshold mark for diagnosable BPD. It is not incurable.
“you might want to get a little therapy yourself, bpd can really mess with your head sometimes… but then i am with my own mental problems. so take that with a grain of salt.”
Not bad advice.
“PLEASE SPEAK TO A THERAPIST ABOUT A BOARDRLINE AND WHETHER THEY CAN BE HELPED. imo and therapists I have spoken to the answer is no. Treatments (the VAST majority of the time) don’t work. Please don’t take my word for it, ask for yourself.”
Speaking to a therapist is not bad advice… but that the answer is they cannot be cured… that’s incorrect. BPD can be managed and all people in the support system can help. If this person had bipolar I – would you all tell her to “run away?”
“You’re [sic] “kind and loving husband” never existed. That was nothing more than a mask. Oh, you moved out? Then stay out.”
OK, leave him again… I think we got it. It’s amazing how angry people are with borderlines.
“Personality disorders CANNOT, repeat cannot, be cured. They are inflexible, self-sustained, and have a 99% chance of being incurable. Your gut instinct, and the FACTUAL evidence you’ve read on the internet, are guiding you in the right direction.”
Again, wrong… see above. “Factual evidence…” on the Internet is a laugh. The Internet is filled with angry (usually ex-) Non-BPs that are ready to tell the story of how impossible, abusive and awful their ex BPD partner was. I’m not going to argue that people with BPD can’t be abusive or rage at you – they can. However, if you see the problem for what it really is… it is more manageable than many other disorders. Educate yourself about it. Find out the facts. Learn skills. Or leave… it’s up to you.
“Personality disorders are pretty much the only mental problem that CAN be cured. It takes a long time and a good counselor. Personality disorders are not a biological disorder like the more commonly known mental illnesses. Personality disorders are conditioned behavior over a lifetime.”
Well, this is almost true. The behavior component is conditioned behavior and can be “retrained” out of someone. The emotional dysregulation and impulsiveness components are probably biological.
“You sound like a weak person. You would sacrifice your sons well being to have someone.”
Judgmental.
Duh! Anyway, here is an article from Wired about celebrities and mental illness:
 Celebrities’ bad behavior is rooted in mental illness, according to “Dr. Drew” Pinsky, who is best known as the host of Celebrity Rehab and Loveline — a nationally syndicated radio show that invites listeners to call in with questions about sex and drugs.
In his latest book, The Mirror Effect (on bookstore shelves Tuesday), he spells out a theory that stars are predisposed to narcissistic personality disorder long before they become famous. Their dysfunctional behavior is rewarded by Hollywood and portrayed as normal by the press.
“As reporting on celebrity behavior becomes even more ruthless and mean-spirited, I am struck by this disconnect between how a
celebrity’s behavior is portrayed in the media, and the very real problems that underlie their actions,” wrote Pinsky.
He argues that the media fails to acknowledge that celebrities are mentally ill when holding them up as role models, so everyday people have begun to emulate their unhealthy behavior.
In 2006, Pinsky and his co-author Mark Young published the first systematic study of celebrity psychology in the Journal of Research in Personality. The new book explains that research and how it fits into the larger context of our culture, which they argue has been soiled by shameless producers, agents and paparazzi.
The first three chapters read like a history textbook, recapping famous celebrity mishaps and an era when those unfortunate episodes were carefully hidden from the public. It gives readers a glimpse of just how conservative Pinsky really is. He seems to prefer the good old days when movie studios were able to keep Rock Hudson in the closet.
The celebrity doctor is not a fan of MySpace or Facebook either, because they allow people to seek attention by acting out like celebrities — posting provocative pictures and personal stories about irresponsible behavior.
“Without appropriate monitoring, these social networking platforms are subject to abuse by those who are most vulnerable to the endless feedback loop they create,” wrote Pinsky. “This is known as an urge/compulsion/reinforcement cycle, and it’s very similar to what happens to those who crave drugs or other addictive substances.”
After that rather stiff introduction, the book becomes a psychology lesson with celebrities as examples.
Pinsky seems fond of interpreting behavior in the light of evolution, and gave this explanation for the asinine stunts performed by Johnny Knoxville and Steve-O on the show Jackass.
“Some have speculated that such acting out may be deeply rooted in our genes, as a way to display genetic prowess and adaptability,” wrote Pinsky. “In this theory, males (in particular) who survive dangerous stunts are displaying their biological capacity to survive in adversity.”
In their 2006 study, Pinsky and Young found that celebrities from reality television score the highest on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory. Pinsky is convinced that the producers of those shows carefully select contestants with psychological problems, because they will bring extra drama to each show.
“Having served as a consultant to several reality shows, I know what the producers are looking for in contestants,” wrote Pinsky. “The standards regarding mental health are extremely fluid.”
Recently, Randi Kreger published her new book “The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder.” I read it and have to give thanks to Randi for providing it to me gratis. Thanks Randi!
At the same time, I have a problem with this book. While it is MUCH better than “Stop Walking on Eggshells” (SWOE), her previous book about NON-BPs, I agree with her prescription about 40%. Her sections on “Communicating to be heard” and “Reinforcing right behavior” are agreeable, the rest is NOT agreeable to me. I will soon offer a true book review of this new book; however, I believe (humbly) that my book WHINE is a MUCH better book for understanding and dealing with a person with BPD than either SWOE or “The Essential Guide…” by Randi. While I know where she is coming from, she misses an essential thing about BPD – that thing is IAAHF (“it’s all about his/her feelings”), a concept in WHINE. She still seems to think that you can make it (at first) about YOUR feelings, which, with BPD, is impossible at first. This is both my opinion and the opinions of the members of my group. I am a bit miffed that SWOE sold something like 300,00 copies and WHINE 300, because I think (as do my almost 400) group members that WHINE is a MUCH better book to understand the BPD/NON-BPD dynamic than either SWOE or “The Essential Family Guide…”
I know that Randi will see this via her Google alerts and I welcome her comments. I have no argument or disagreement with Randi. I respect her and feel she is contributing to the community the best she can. At that same time, I feel her publishing efforts fall short of what is effective in the NON-BP area.
While this article is not specifically about BPD, there is some mutilation in it (not self, but of a boyfriend), so it may be triggering to some. Here is long article on it and here is a link to a shorter article with pictures (be warned!).
‘Blackburn woman tattooed lover with Stanley knife’
8:50am Saturday 31st January 2009
A WOMAN used a Stanley knife to carve her name on the shoulder of her lover while he was asleep, a court heard.
Dominique Fisher, 22, of Blackburn, has gone on trial accused of unlawfully wounding Wayne Robinson, with whom she had a drink-and-drug fueled four-day fling after meeting in a nightclub.
As well as her name on his right shoulder, Fisher carved a star on his back and ‘body art’ on his left arm.
Mr Robinson said he woke up covered in blood to find himself cut, with Fisher ‘snoring her head off’ next to him.
Fisher had told him: “I’m a tattooist. I thought you’d like it”, the court heard.
But Fisher denies the charge and has told the jury she carried out the carvings with Mr Fisher’s consent.
The court heard the two had met by chance in the Syndicate nightclub in Blackpool on June 12 then spent a night together in a room at the Cliffs hotel where cocaine was taken before going their separate ways in the morning.
The next day there was further contact between them and Mr Robinson travelled by taxi from his home in Fleetwood to her Blackburn flat.
Steven Wild, prosecuting, said the man stayed with her for two nights and the pair drunk alcohol and took valium, not prescribed to either of them.
He told the court: “What the Crown say happened is that around 2.30am on the Sunday morning Mr Robinson woke and found he was covered in blood.
“He found a design carved into his left arm and the name Dominique into his right shoulder and a star carved into his back.”
Mr Robinson, 24, told the jury at Preston Crown Court that they took around 30 valium tablets between them that weekend.
He said “I watched a bit of telly, laid on the bed, drinking vodka, chatting. That is basically all I can remember.”
He woke up the first morning and she said they had had sex.
Mr Robinson said he presumed that on the Saturday he took more valium.
His last recollection was being “laid on the bed”.
Mr Robinson discovered the tattoos in the early hours of Sunday.
“I had been cut up, there was blood and Dominique was snoring her head off. I had slashes, cuts on my arms and back.”
He refuted defence claims that he had consented to the tattoos, that he had asked her to do it and had mopped up the blood. “I was comatose”, he added.
Mr Robinson’s wounds went onto heal, but has been left with visible scarring, the court heard.
In her evidence, Fisher, who the court was told was a woman of good character, said they sat chatting about the seven tattoos she had then.
She said he asked her to put ‘a tribal one’ on him. She told the jury she had never done it before and did not have a clue how to go about it.
Fisher, of Roebuck Close, in the Galligreaves area, said: “He was asking me questions like had I got anything sterile.
“I said I had Stanley blades because I had been decorating.
“He wanted to put his name into me and I said no. We were both awake, knew what we were doing and talking about.
“He was sat on the end of the bed, baring his arm. Both of us wiped the blood away.
“I was asking him did it hurt. He said ‘no, carry on’.”
It took a few hours to write the name Dominique and then the tribal tattoo.
Fisher said she could not remember doing the star on his back.
She later added in evidence: “I’m sorry for what I have done”.
The trial continues on Monday.
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