Anything to Stop the Pain - BPD and Non-BPs

At long last (about six months of work and 2 1/2 years of research, experimentation and practice), my first book When Love is Not Enough (WLINE) has been published!

This book is a quick-start, how-to guide for Non-BPs. It spells out step-by-step WHAT to do in your relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (or BPD traits) and HOW to do it. Unlike other books on this subject (you guys probably know which ones I’m talking about), WLINE tells EXACTLY what to do. Through the use of attitudes and tools, WLINE can help you build mastery over your relationship, regain control of your life and develop a deeper understanding of your BP loved one. I highly recommend it (if I do say so myself).

Although WLINE is fairly short (about 185 pages), it is packed full insights, advice and practical skills to help you understand your BP and to reestablish the lines of communication. If you are a Non-BP, WLINE is an essential resource. If you have BPD, I would recommend that you recommend WLINE to your family members, partners and friends (that is, if they are aware of your disorder). WLINE helps to build the bridge of understanding, serenity and effective communication between Nons and BPs.

It could be the most effective $20.95 you’ve ever spent.

If you’d like to buy a printed or eBook copy of WLINE, I am selling the book through Lulu:

Buy the Book!

A note on the title… I kicked around a number of titles before settling on this one. It is my feeling that most Nons don’t understand that, in addition to love, they have to develop ATTITUDES and SKILLS to be effective in their relationship with a BP. WLINE actually innumerates these attitudes and skills and provides detailed examples of how to apply them. With a commitment to the relationship, application of the concepts in the book and PRACTICE, a Non can learn what IS enough in their relationship with a BP.

Bon Dobbs :: May.09.2008 :: Pain, Treatment, Boundaries, Shame, DBT-FST, Blame, Best of, Impulsiveness, Suicide, Resources, Mindfulness, Biology, Validation, Lying, Manipulation, DBT, Self-Injury, Anger, Substance Abuse, Parenting, Emotions, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »

OK, well, the other day I posted on how Pete Doherty has jumped to the top of my Celebrities with Borderline Personality Disorder (possibly, but not for sure) list. Why? Well, he just released a series of paintings done in his own blood. Let’s examine the other “evidence” of possible BPD….

(For those of you who don’t know who Pete Doherty is: he’s the lead singer of two British bands: Babyshambles and the Libertines. He dated Kate Moss and he is a regular in the tabloids in London for his erratic and criminal behavior.)

Self-Harm

Painting in one’s own blood seems to indicate self-harm. Here’s another article about Doherty’s self-harm.

Quotes from the self-harm article:

Graphic footage of rock star Pete Doherty deliberately harming himself will not appear in a forthcoming fly-on-the-wall documentary about the former Libertines’ singer, as had been feared by mental health charities.

The scenes of Doherty cutting himself with a broken bottle feature in a rough edit of the documentary, to be shown on BBC3 on Sunday 28 August. The images of Doherty slashing his chest, taken from the edit, were leaked to the national press last week, raising concerns about his mental health.

Substance Abuse

Well, duh… He’s been put in jail numerous times for drug offenses, including heroin and cocaine abuse.

Quotes:

He appeared at Ealing Magistrates’ Court to face charges of possessing heroin and cocaine.

The 26-year-old was arrested by police after he was spotted driving a speeding car in west London on 30 November.

The former Libertines singer has continually been in the headlines over his drug abuse and his relationship with model Kate Moss.

He is due to reappear at Ealing Magistrates Court on 8 February.

The prosecution said police pulled Mr Doherty over after he was spotted speeding and officers said he had a glazed look.

He was found to have three packets of heroin, with a weight of 0.875gm (0.03oz), and one packet containing 0.234gm (0.008oz) cocaine.

Inappropriate Anger

More quotes:

Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has been fined £750 after he admitted assaulting a BBC reporter in March.

The star pleaded guilty at Thames Magistrates’ Court to kicking a microphone out of her hand outside the same court after a separate appearance.

In a statement, the 27-year-old said: “If I hurt this lady I’m sorry.”

The star, who is currently being treated for drug addiction, was also ordered to pay £250 compensation and another £200 in court costs.

Painful hand

He had previously pleaded not guilty to a charge of assault by beating after he kicked out at Radio 1 Newsbeat’s Trudi Barber.

His defence lawyer, Sean Curran, said Doherty changed his plea after watching television footage of the attack.

Indentity Issues

He’s turning to Islam? I wonder how long that will last.

Quotes:

One of Doherty’s friends said: “He’s been reading the Quran since he went into segregation. He’s got a lot of Muslim friends and they’ve been on at him for ages to study it. Now he’s on his own and he’s got time on his hands to study it.

“I’m surprised how much it has calmed him down as he was very on the edge inside. He definitely seems more chilled. He’s lapping it up and really interested in it. I think it’s helping him in there.”

Doherty has been having a difficult time since his 14-week sentence began for violating probation by taking drugs.

Volatile Relationships

The UK hottest couple, Pete Doherty and Kate Moss, split up, after the beautiful supermodel dumped Pete, arguing she cannot stand his way of life anymore, always worrying about him.

On July 22, 2005, Pete Doherty was involved into
a street fight. British newspapers The Sun and Daily Mirror reports that Pete and musician friend Alan Wass fought with a group of Somali youths after they shouted “crackhead” at him.

Farid Khan of Supersave store in Camden Town, said: “The singer ran in pursed by six man. There was a big fight. We got them out but they hurled a brick at the door.”

Kate reportedly told friends: “I can’t go on spending day and night worrying about Pete. He would disappear without a word and I would not hear from him for days. He has to change his lifestyle. Until that happens we are finished.”

Sexual Confusion

DOHERTY: ‘I WAS A GAY RENT BOY AND DRUG DEALER’

Troubled rocker PETE DOHERTY has shocked fans by boasting he worked as a homosexual prostitute and drug dealer to fuel his drug addictions, before he shot to fame in his former band THE LIBERTINES.

The wild singer confesses he was so desperate for money to fund his cocaine and heroin habits, he worked as a rent boy and once robbed a gay client after tying him up at his home.

Dangerous Driving

Babyshambles singer Pete Doherty has been fined £300 and disqualified from driving for two months.

The 27-year-old admitted two charges of driving without insurance or a licence at Thames Magistrates Court in London.

District Judge Jane McIvor warned the singer that he faces jail if he drives without a licence again.

The rock star was arrested in November 2006 by officers who spotted him driving his Jaguar erratically near his east London home.

Shame

So you’ve got this support act, some posh bloke with a discomfited smile, slowly eating himself from the inside out from pure embarrassment. One guy with a guitar strumming idle fancies like ‘The Blue Ridge Mountains Of Dakota’, incapable of holding a note or playing a tune, and, what’s worse, he clearly hates himself for it. Pretty soon, he’ll be dead. And then he’s joined by a nonchalant Doherty in trenchcoat and hat. The place breaks out into hysteria. I’m blinded by about twenty camera phones flashing, then I’m nearly sucked under by the wave surging forward. Even Doherty, the boy in the bubble, advises everyone to move back because there’s a girl in the front whose eyes are bulging.

Suicide Attempts

Pete Doherty tried to kill himself in rehab after discovering that Kate Moss was dating a new man. British tabloids tattled that the ‘Babyshambles’ singer downed an entire bottle of pills-he just ended up making himself ill.

“He saw an opportunity to take an overdose and took it. He told me he didn’t know what the pills were but thought ‘fuck it’ and took them all,” says a NOW insider.

“He doesn’t care what drugs do to him—in fact, he likes finding out.”

“To begin with Kate was ringing him up all the time, concerned for his well-being.”

“But when Pete started to quiz her about the new guy, she was evasive and it got to him. She messed with his head.”

Impulsive Behavior

Anthony Thornton, the reviews editor of NME and an authority on The Libertines, said: ‘Pete is at a lower point than he was a year ago. He’s hit depths he didn’t even know existed. He’s not aware of how bad a state he’s in, and the drugs make it worse. He’s incredibly impulsive, he doesn’t take on responsibilities, he’s unreliable and likely to do himself harm.

Unsafe Sexual Behavior

I think anyone who was a male prostitute qualifies in this regard.

So, ole’ Pete hit just about all the categories that I applied to other celebrites. While I am not a doctor and can’t officially diagnose anyone… Pete Doherty looks suspiciously like he may have Borderline Personality Disorder (or something very close to it). And everyone, you will notice that I used mainly news articles in this analysis (with a bit of blogging, didn’t have time to look up interviews for shame - although I’ve been told he says he hates himself and he is a bad person).

Here’s his Wikipedia entry.

Bon Dobbs :: Apr.28.2008 :: Suicide, Impulsiveness, Celebrities, Shame, Substance Abuse, Self-Injury, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 3 Comments »

Two Amy Winehouse stories came to light over the past two days. Remember, readers, Amy Winehouse is top on my list of of “Celebrities with Borderline Personality Disorder (possibly, not for sure)” - although it is likely that I will have to re-examine the list in light of Pete Doherty’s weirdness.

Here are the Amy Wino stories:

Her father wants her committed. Quotes from this article:

[her father]: “I’ve told them (medical authorities) she is a danger to herself. There is evidence of self-harming and she’s a danger to other people because she’s attacked someone.

“Obviously as her dad I will try and do what’s best for her. Unfortunately, what I think is best for her and what she thinks is best for her are two different things.”

It’s not the first time Mitch has expressed his desire to have Winehouse committed - he previously revealed his intentions in January, but hospital officials couldn’t help, because she wasn’t considered a danger to herself.

She got off the assault charge with a “caution.” Here are some quotes from that article:

A police spokesperson said on Saturday: “She has left the police station. She has been cautioned for common assault.”

Winehouse went voluntarily to the police station on Friday afternoon.

Her spokesman, Chris Goodman, said in a statement that the singer had “admitted to a common assault by slapping a man with an open hand and accepted a caution”.

The statement added: “Amy was fully cooperative with inquiries and apologized for the incident.”

The caution means that the matter will remain on her record and could count against her should she be charged with a similar offence.

Bon Dobbs :: Apr.28.2008 :: Celebrities, Anger, Self-Injury, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »

Here is an excellent article about shame and BPD:

http://www.soulselfhelp.on.ca/drm10shame.html

The Role of Shame in BPD
© Dr. Richard Moskovitz

Can you discuss shame? Is shame not one of the most significant core wounds that must be healed in order to recover from BPD?

Shame is fundamental to the experience of anyone with BPD and is the most crucial emotion that must be addressed if recovery is to occur. Shame is often confused with guilt, but these emotions have very different meanings. Shame is about who we are, while guilt is about what we do. Shame therefore reflects more lasting beliefs about the self than guilt. When we feel guilt, we expect retribution for what we’ve done. When we feel shame, we expect contempt from others and feel contempt for ourselves.

Shame is connected with a wealth of negative self-beliefs that may include fundamental assumptions of defectiveness, the belief that one is helpless to survive alone, beliefs about physical defectiveness (”I am fat, deformed, repulsive to others), mental defectiveness (I am stupid, incompetent, inarticulate), or sexual defectiveness, and the belief that one is unworthy of the love and attention of others.

We feel shame about anything about ourselves that we would prefer others not to see. The body language of shame is about being invisible or not acknowledging being seen by others. We become small in posture by slouching or turning away. We avert our gaze from that of others, which is reminiscent of a baby covering its own eyes and imagining that it has become invisible to others. As adults, however, failing to meet another’s gaze is also a sign of submission.

We also feel shame whenever we fall short of our own expectations of ourselves, however unrealistic they may be. Impossible goals, such as the total eradication of body fat, inevitably lead to deepening shame, which in turn may be reflected in an increasingly distorted self or body image. This is the cycle of shame that fuels the compulsive self-starvation of anorexia nervosa. Shame is therefore connected with the fantasy of how we imagine we are supposed to be and obstructs our vision of who we really are.

While shame has many roots, it is a natural consequence of abuse and neglect. What all forms of abuse have in common is the contempt that an abuser has for a victim. The deeper pain of being abused is the shame that derives from being an object of contempt. Many abusers show their contempt explicitly in the form of degrading words, but all abusers show contempt by their assumption that their victim’s primary role is as an instrument for their gratification. Shame in turn results in submissiveness that tends to perpetuate the cycle of abuse.

Dr. Donald Nathanson has pioneered the study of shame and its relationship to the psychotherapeutic process. He defines four categories of learned responses to shame, which he visualizes as the four points on a compass. On one axis lies “Withdrawal” at one pole and “Avoidance” at the other. On the other axis lie “Attack self” and “Attack others.”

“Withdrawal” behaviors include various forms of hiding from others, ranging from averting ones eyes and maintaining silence in the presence of others to reclusiveness and flight. Withdrawal can lead to isolation and feelings of abandonment, confirming the belief that we are unworthy of the company of others and therefore reinforcing shame.

“Attacking self” includes a repertoire of behaviors that are designed to protect us from abandonment at all costs. These are self-negating, submissive gestures that acknowledge the superior power of another, whose presence has become important to us. This can also contribute to the cycle of abuse.

“Avoidance” includes all the behaviors that are designed to keep from feeling the shame. This ranges from the use of drugs and alcohol to obliterate feeling to the distractions of sexual indulgence, materialism, and vanity. Avoidant behaviors include a variety of things we do to cover up the defects that we imagine others see in us. They are often cosmetic in quality and serve to distract both ourselves and others from these defects.

“Attacking others” includes a repertoire of desperate behaviors that serve to belittle others as a last ditch attempt to rescue self-esteem by feeling bigger at another’s expense. The attacks may come in words or actions. These behaviors inevitably distance us from others, again raising the threat of abandonment. These behaviors also result in shaming others and pass the wounds along.

These four kinds of responses to shame are all intricately interrelated, are self-defeating, and therefore perpetuate the cycle of shame. They are behind the many impulses with which people with BPD must struggle. They are connected with the terror of abandonment that characterizes BPD as well as with the difficulty that people with BPD have in achieving intimacy.

Bon Dobbs :: Apr.02.2008 :: Pain, Shame, Anger, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 2 Comments »

After reviewing Mrs. Treasure’s article on BPD and Demonic Possession, I decided to read at least some of her other posts at AssociatedContent.com. I wanted to find out if she had posted more on Borderline Personality Disorder and why she decided to post on the disorder in the first place. I think she must believe that her new husband’s ex-wife has the disorder, because she wrote another article called “10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder” which refers to the person with BPD as “she” throughout. I’m not going to agree or disagree with the content of that article.

I also found an article called “Spiritual Glasses to Understand the Difficult Child” which was described with the question: When you get frustrated with your child, what is the most effective discipline? I was intrigued and decided to read the article.

I have to say, I was surprised by the wisdom in some of her comments. I find it interesting that what she says about children can be applied directly to people with BPD. Consider the following:

If your child is a chronic liar, parents worry and panic. The spiritual glasses allow you to see a very insecure child with poor self concept or image. Are your expectations of him too high? Why does he feel worthless? Is he bullied around by friends or older siblings?

I get more searches on this blog for “lying,” “liars,” “chronic liars,” etc. than about anything else. (Actually to be honest the most searches I get are about “celebrities with BPD” or some variant of that, but lying-related searches come in a close second.) I’d like to take her words and apply them to BPD and replace the words “spiritual glasses” with “emotional glasses.” I think if you look at a chronic liar, which many people with BPD are, you will find that one motivation for lying is a poor self image, feeling worthless or insecurity. These concepts are interrelated and spring from shame. People with BPD do have a poor self-image. Even though many nons report that their loved one with BPD is selfish or narcissistic, in reality people with BPD actually hate themselves. This feeling arises from shame as well, but the shame also arises from emotional invalidation. Mrs. Treasures doesn’t really provide a prescription for dealing with a liar, other than not to label (judge) the child as a “difficult child” right away and try to understand them and set proper expectations. The same can be said of a non’s relationship with a BP. Judging their behavior as “difficult” right away or setting expectations too high can invalidate the BP’s emotional responses. This sets up an “invalidating environment” for the child’s emotions and the effects of an invalidating environment are summarized by Dr. Marsha Linehan:

[The] effect of an invalidating environment, especially when basic emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness are invalidated, is that a person in such an environment does not learn when to trust her own emotional responses as valid reflections of individual and situational events. Thus, she is unable to validate and trust herself… If communication of negative emotions is punished, as it often is in invalidating environment, then a response of shame follows experiencing the intense emotion in the first place and expressing it publicly in the second.[i]

 

If a person is unable to trust herself, she can not validate herself and a “response of shame follows” emotional experiences. That is one pathway to BPD. If you punish a child for feeling inadequate, for example, if the child is lying to you because he wants to make himself feel better about himself, then you are invalidating his emotional responses.

Mrs. Treasures also say this about temper tantrums:

For your younger children showing tantrums and hitting other siblings, the spiritual glasses permit you to see a child struggling to deal with his immature emotions. The child’s frustration is his inability to communicate his feelings and needs to his siblings.

Again, if we substitute “emotional glasses” for “spiritual glasses” and “BP” for “child,” I believe she is accurately describing the state of someone with BPD. People with BPD are emotionally immature. It’s not their fault; it’s just that they were not raised in an emotionally supportive environment. They feel that by feeling emotions intensely, they are wrong and should be punished. Again, the shame comes into play. They do have an “inability to communicate [their] feelings.” Because of the invalidating environment, the BP becomes unable to trust her own emotions and becomes frustrated and angry. THAT is what fuels rage more than anything.

OK, now what do you do to counter-act an invalidating environment (with both children and BPs)? You learn to validate their emotional responses. I have quite a few examples of validation techniques on this site and if you follow this link, you can read about validation.

[i] Linehan, Marsha, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, pg 72

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.25.2008 :: Parenting, Emotions, Anger, Validation, Lying :: 1 Comment »

From MSNBC story about NIU Shooter:

Troubled mind
The discoveries added to the puzzle surrounding Kazmierczak.

While friends, family, educators and investigators remain baffled and shocked at the gunman’s acts, a closer look reveals that Kazmierczak’s friendly exterior masked a troubled mind.

University Police Chief Donald Grady said, without giving details, that Kazmierczak, 27, had become erratic in the past two weeks after he had stopped taking his medication.

A former employee at a Chicago psychiatric treatment center said Kazmierczak’s parents placed him there after high school. She said he used to cut himself, and had resisted taking his medications.

Bon Dobbs :: Feb.21.2008 :: Suicide, Anger, Self-Injury :: No Comments »

Hi all. I have been monitoring the “non” email lists and have found a common idea that I believe is a misconception about borderlines.

A taste of this idea can be seen in this paraphrased comment:

When will my BP be willing to take responsibility for his/her actions? When will he/she try and fix the harm he/she has done to me and the kids? When will they finally admit they are WRONG?

This attitude is common among “nons.” What it represents is anger and sadness on the part of the non and a desire for the borderline to behave in a “normal” way.

Unfortunately, the borderline will not behave in a “normal” way until the source of the behaviors are either accepted or changed. This site (and many others about Borderline Personality Disorder) posits that borderlines behave in the way that they do because they are in pain. This pain is deep and emotional and is characterized by shame. They do not feel guilty for what they do. No, they feel shameful about who they are. They believe that they are bad/wrong people. Why do so many kill themselves? To stop the pain.

The anger that the “non” expresses comes off to the borderline as judgment of their feelings. One of the key “causes” of BPD is an invalidating environment. If they are acting in a way the “non” feels is “wrong” the expression of that feeling on the part of the non is a judgment of the BPD’s feelings. In other words, they have internalized that it is wrong to feel that way. The problem is: they feel that way anyway, whether the non believes it is wrong or not. They behave in such as way to stop the painful emotions (mainly shame) and the judgments that come from the invalidating environment.

People in the “non” support groups don’t want to hear this. Why? Because they too are in pain. They are angry and want to be told that none of this is their fault. The disorder is not their fault, but the continuation of the “invalidating environment” is. A quote from an article of DBT Family Skills Training:

Facilitated by DBT’s nonjudgmental framework, DBT-FST offers the possibility of significant emotional and behavioral improvements in the whole family system as well as for the individuals in that system. This is accomplished through:1) presenting the biosocial model to patients and family members in a non-blaming manner similar to the approach employed in psychoeducation models;2) offering support and education to family members in the form of teaching DBT skills; and3) reinforcing skillful behaviors (in particular using rehearsal and feedback) through increasing the levels of empathy and validation in the family.

(emphasis mine)

Note the “non-blaming” manner. This illustrates a new environment that the family members can help create that supports the BPD and eliminates blaming (or judging). The second two points are the ways in which things will change -teaching skills that can be used instead of the old maladaptive behaviors like cutting or starving or raging.

While many nons might be angry at me for pointing out that they need to change also, I feel that these skills provide a sense of control over the situation. The non-judgmental approach applies to the nons too - meaning, we can’t “judge” the actions of the non are “wrong”. Instead, we can see the actions of the non can be painful to the borderline.

That said - many nons don’t want to hear that they have being acting toward their borderlines in painful ways. They too don’t want the blame. But I am not saying these things to “assign blame.” No, I am saying these things to try and help empower the non with skills that help the borderline with his or her feelings. In that way, life can get better for all involved.

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.06.2007 :: Anger, DBT, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »

The Virginia Tech shootings made me want to say a thing or two. There was immediate a lot of talk about gun control and of the shooter’s ability to buy guns and ammunition despite having been found by a court to be a danger to himself and others. I think that the pundits should discuss the real issue here and it is not gun control. While it may still be a good idea to have stricter gun laws, it is not the gun that did the killing; it was Cho himself that used the guns as a tool of murder.

The true problem was that Cho was mentally ill and did not seek treatment for his mental illness. I am not going to postulate as to what actual diagnosis that Cho had (I am not qualified to do so) - I will suggest that his true problem was probably emotional. He was unable to control his anger and rage. I would also like to point out that he carried around shame and self-hatred. When inner shame is left untreated, it often leaks out as anger and rage. It is extremely difficult for a person with inner shame to take ownership of that shame. Instead, it bubbles underneath the surface and comes out as anger toward those that have wronged them. I suspect this was Cho’s real problem. He was humiliated throughout his life and, quite possibly, had a biological pre-disposition to emotional dysregulation. The combination of these two factors - biological and environmental - adds up to self-hatred, shame and a persecution complex. I am not suggesting that all people with this sort of make-up and history are dangerous or would take that rage out on other people. In fact, many people with those issues end up taking their inner rage out of themselves - through suicide or risky behaviors. It seems to me that Cho couldn’t handle his shame or his intense emotions, so he acted to take revenge on other people. In doing so, he handled his emotions poorly (obviously). He probably also believed that shame to be true; meaning, he hated himself and thought other’s teasing and bullying was deserved. In pointing out the feeling that he believed to be true (that he was a bad, worthless person), he took revenge on all other people, regardless of whether they participated in his belittling.

The point of this post is to say that what we really need in this country is better and more assessable mental health care. We need to teach people, adults as well as children, about the functions of emotions and the skills that can be utilized to handle those emotions. We educate people about academic subjects everyday, but do very little to teach self-regulatory skills for emotional states. For some people, these emotional regulation skills are the very ones that can save their lives (and, in Cho’s case, the lives of others).

bon :: Jun.04.2007 :: Emotions, Anger :: 1 Comment »

Here’s an article about ODD and Conduct Disorder (CD) in children and the correlation to adulthood personality disorders:

Borderline Personality Disorder is called this because patients have many traits from different psychiatric disorders. They have very unstable moods, like bipolar disorder. They often have strange experiences, like people with schizophrenia. Their relationships with others are usually quite unstable. They often don’t have much of a sense of who they really are or where they are going. They often cut themselves. Most of the people with this problem are female. If you have ODD/CD and are female, you have approximately a 15% chance of getting this.

There is also info about Antisocial Personality Disorders. My question is: are these really separate disorders or does emotional dysregulation play a part in all of them? If someone is emotionally volatile it seems to me that they will act out in different ways depending on the emotion they feel most often - anger, sadness or guilt/shame. So, all these different “”disorders”" - ODD, CD, ADD, BPD, APD and others - are they really the same disorder (emotional dysregulation) exhibiting itself in different forms?http://www.klis.com/chandler/pamphlet/oddcd/oddcdpamphlet.htm

bon :: Mar.21.2006 :: Other Disorders, Anger :: No Comments »

I found this review on Amazon as a review for the book “”Understanding the Borderline Mother.”" This excerpt says a lot about people’s understanding of borderlines:

Perhaps it is true that the borderline personality is a real disorder in various ways, but I know for a fact that there are borderlines who can control their negative behaviours when they really want to, and that is the most frightening thing of all, that a grown adult can still act so immaturely and continue to destroy other people willfully. I think that someone needs to write a book about this too. Also take in mind that some people who were once classified as “”borderlines”" often improve with age. For this reason, I do think that it’s possible for borderlines to change somewhat, if they really want to.

So, what do we have here?

1. It is not a real disorder (perhaps).
2. Borderlines can control their negative behaviors (when they really want to).
3. A grown adult can act so immaturely?
4. A person can destroy other people willfully?
5. They can change (if they really want to)

Hmmm… I guess she feels that borderlines don’t really want to change. They enjoy what they do. Do you feel this way about your borderline?http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/0765703319/102-3120581-1484128?customer-reviews.start=33

bon :: Jan.31.2006 :: Anger :: No Comments »