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To tell someone not to be emotional is to tell them to be dead.
-Jeanette Winterson


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When Hope is Not Enough
WHINE now available on the Kindle to US customers!

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When Hope is Not Enough
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A free eBook – 4X4 for Nons

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Mentalizing is a verb

Mentalization is the true essence of love, compassion and understanding, because it allows you to internalize the authentic “image” of the other person’s mind (and they can yours as well).

Mentalization is essentially done through asking questions, but not leading questions.

One cannot ASSUME the other person’s thoughts and feelings are what you think they are. You have to start with a blank slate each time.

You can “read” momentary feelings (such as recognizing micro-expressions) but the MEANING of those feelings is not always clear.

If you don’t know, you have to ask.
Continue reading Mentalizing is a verb

Always in a Bad Relationship? Science Says Your DNA Might Be to Blame

Scientists also found that those with the G-gene are “more likely to develop neurotic personalities and psychiatric disorders such as major depression and borderline personality disorder.”

Always in a Bad Relationship? Science Says Your DNA Might Be to Blame

By Jillian Kramer

If you’re chronically single or on what seems to be a hamster wheel of bad relationships, don’t blame the dudes—it may be time to blame Mom and Dad. Or, more specifically, your DNA.

New research from Peking University in Beijing found that men and women born with the specific gene type “G” are 20 percent more likely to be single than those without that little strand of DNA. People with this G-type gene have lower levels of serotonin, scientists found after studying 600 students. And without this “happy hormone,” G-typers can find it harder to bond and form healthy relationships with others.

To make our DNA matters worse, the scientists also found that those with the G-gene are “more likely to develop neurotic personalities and psychiatric disorders such as major depression and borderline personality disorder,” according to their report. Pessimism and neuroticism hurt the quality and stability of any relationship—but they also decrease a person’s attractiveness in another’s eyes, the scientists noted.


The Buddy effect: improving mental health treatment, one pet at a time

Animals, along with the internet, are one of the best additions to a mental health ward.

The Buddy effect: improving mental health treatment, one pet at a time

Everyone should have a Buddy. When Buddy enters a room, everything automatically lights up. Buddy exudes charisma. Buddy is the life and soul. Buddy makes everything better. No matter the situation, nothing fazes Buddy. I wish I was more like her.

Buddy is a Tibetan terrier, and one so unstoppably adorable that I genuinely don’t know how anyone manages to meet her without abducting her. And I’m not even her biggest fan. I’d probably struggle to crack her top 100.

Buddy’s owner, Marion Janner, knows exactly the effect that the dog has on people, which is why she’s been promoted to the role of unofficial Star Wards mascot. In a field often portrayed as bleak and helpless – the field of mental health – Buddy represents positivity.

Star Wards – one of this year’s nine Guardian/Observer Christmas appeal charities – was set up eight years ago, after Janner was sectioned with borderline personality disorder. “Being sectioned was soul-destroying – soul-annihilating, actually,” she says. Part of Janner’s frustration stemmed from her issues with the hospital staff, who – despite their good intentions – appeared underused and crippled by overzealous governance. This observation compelled her to write a list of all the little things that could have been improved in her ward. Nothing huge – making sure that all the board games had the correct pieces, encouraging patients to support each other – but enough to run to 65 points.

As a campaigner, a former community service manager and a full-time mile-a-minute dynamo, Janner felt obliged to do something with this list. So she emailed Louis Appleby, the then national director for mental health. Fast-forward a few years and her list of practical, low-cost changes – christened Star Wards – is being implemented in about 80% of the country’s mental health wards.


20 Rules for Understanding #BPD

The “most vivid autobiographical memories tend to be of emotional events.” Based on experience with people with BPD, I have come to notice that these emotional memories become linked within one’s mind and outside of time. In other words, a distance of many years does not diminish the linkage between an emotional-laden memory and an event currently taking place.

A person with BPD will link long ago negative emotional experiences with current events because it “feels the same.” In that way, the person with BPD will sometimes act on these emotional memories in a way that is inappropriate for the current situation. 
Continue reading 20 Rules for Understanding #BPD

When Hope is Now Enough Now Available via Kindle Unlimited

The book for supporters of people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is now available through Kindle Direct and can be loaned to other Kindle users. It is also available for a deep discount if you’ve bought the printed book. I hope this will get the book into more hands. Since I had to remove it from the iStore and no longer sell a nook or PDF version, you can get a Kindle Reading app on your Apple device to read it.

I also dropped the price from $7.50 to $6.99!


Does someone you love have Borderline Personality Disorder? Are you in a relationship with a difficult person? Does this person rage at you for no reason at all? Is everything always YOUR fault? Do you feel lied to and manipulated? Do you believe that there is nowhere to turn? When Hope is Not Enough (WHINE) is here to help. WHINE provides a step-by-step plan for dealing with people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or BPD traits. WHINE can help rebuild your relationship and help you create a calmer life. Learn how to live with and love someone with BPD.
Kindle Edition: Check Amazon for Pricing Digital Only

Emotions and #BPD

A person with BPD is characterized by having a diminished ability to regulate their emotions during interactions with other people. This means that someone with BPD will likely react much more emotionally to a given situation than someone without BPD.

A person with BPD is likely to get angry and, at times, fly into a rage at seemingly trivial events and interactions. She also will have a tendency to personalize external events. In other words, the person suffering from BPD will believe that other people’s behavior and comments are “about her,” sometimes interpreting veiled criticism or judgment of her behavior when the evidence shows that there is none. The person with BPD is also likely to be seemingly obsessed with blame and fault-finding.

You will likely hear a person with BPD say, “It’s not my fault!” or “I did nothing wrong!” These comments and fault-avoidant behaviors are a consequence of sensitivity to judgment and rejection.
Continue reading Emotions and #BPD