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Getting to know you – the essence of supporting someone with BPD
In the documentary “Back from the Edge” Dr. Marsha Linehan (the DBT inventor) says: “you can actually define borderline personality disorder as the ‘I don’t fit in’ disorder.” In the past few days I have been thinking about this concept quite a bit. I believe that this is the core of living with and loving a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The core is for the loved ones to make sense of the other person, based on the borderline’s feelings, thoughts, motivations and beliefs (even if these beliefs are not aligned with the environment). Too many times the loved ones, family members and partners of those with borderline personality disorder,…
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Interesting Interview with Dr. Leland Heller about BPD
“Much of it comes from self-destructive behaviors that are used to stop the horrible pain of dysphoria; anxiety, rage, depression and despair. When an individual behaves out-of-control, in a manner that’s inconsistent with their beliefs or normal choices, terrible self-hate develops. Additionally many individuals had low self-esteem and related problems since childhood and are in an environment that causes self-hate to flourish.” – from the interview Bon: I found an interview with Dr. Leland Heller about Borderline Personality Disorder. He does a good job explaining the pain associated with the disorder… Here are some excerpts. The entire interview can be read here. Diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding Treatment That…
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A Preoccupation with Interpersonal Relationships
This feature is a new one that I have added to my “model” of BPD. I added it because I was attending the International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders (ISSPD) and listened to Dr. John Gunderson present a detailed model of his experience with BPD. The purpose of the presentation was to present a “real world” clinical model of BPD from the viewpoint of someone with many years of experience treating the disorder. One of the features that Dr. Gunderson provided was this “preoccupation with attachments.” I believe this feature is born of an unstable sense of self. A person with BPD has difficulty “locating herself in the…
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Emotional Independence
When new members “wash up on the shores” of the ATSTP list, they are confused, angry, helpless and exhausted. One thing I also noticed is that new members are emotionally entangled with their loved ones with BPD. Sometimes when people speak of “boundaries,” they use the phrase “where you end and I begin.” The word boundary has many meanings, and have talked about effective boundaries a lot on this blog. Yet, this idea of “where you stop and I begin” is very important when you’re entangled in another person’s emotions. A Non-BPD must learn to heal, to unpack emotional baggage, to acquire the emotional skills to help to detangle the…
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Trade Words and thinking about yourself differently
I have starting thinking about the concept of “trade” words. What that means is that we nons “trade” certain words for other words. The purpose behind this is to re-make our ways of thinking – it helps to combat black-and-white thinking, shame and fear in ourselves. One of the concepts that I expound on in “When Hope is Not Enough” is the idea that one’s own language shapes one’s thoughts. While in that section of the book, I focus on the non-bp’s thoughts and words in relation to the person with BPD, here I am interested in how a non-BP thinks about his/herself. Here are some examples of “trade” words…