Trade Words and thinking about yourself differently

I have starting thinking about the concept of “trade” words. What that means is that we nons “trade” certain words for other words. The purpose behind this is to re-make our ways of thinking – it helps to combat black-and-white thinking, shame and fear in ourselves. One of the concepts that I expound on in “When Hope is Not Enough” is the idea that one’s own language shapes one’s thoughts. While in that section of the book, I focus on the non-bp’s thoughts and words in relation to the person with BPD, here I am interested in how a non-BP thinks about his/herself.

Here are some examples of “trade” words and phrase that I have either discovered or developed:

Old Word: Must
Trade Word: Prefer, would like to

Old Word: Should
Trade Word: Choose to

(from now on the old word/phrase will appear first, the trade word next – just so I don’t have to type “Old Word:” “Trade Word:” over and over again…)

Can’t
Choose not to

Have to
Want to

Ought
Had better

All
Many or most

Always
Often or typically

Can’t stand
Don’t like

Awful
Undesirable

Bad Person
Bad Behavior

I am a failure
I failed at

Anxious
Concerned

Depressed
Sad

Angry
Annoyed or frustrated

Hurt
Disappointed

Guilt
Remorse about

Jealous
Concerned about the relationship

Never
Not often

is
seems like

is
feels like

I am certainly open to more suggestions. Here are some examples when thinking about yourself:

“I must do well” = “I want (or wish) to do well”
“I shouldn’t do that” = “I prefer not to do that”
“I am a bad person” = “I did a negative thing”
“I need love” = “I want love, but not need it to live”
“I can’t stand this” = “I don’t like this”
“I am a loser” = “I lost (or failed) at a task”