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Five things you can do today to improve your relationship
Five simple steps you can take today to improve your relationship with your partner. Hi, my name is Michelle Marshall and I’m Bon’s first guest blogger and wanted to thank him for asking me to do this. I’m currently working on a book about improving your marriage/relationship. My daughter and Bon’s went to the same therapist group. I’ve adapted some principles from that therapy as well as some other experiences I’ve had with my husband. Here goes: Drop the “shoulds” and practice acceptance. You can’t change other people’s feelings or actions. You have no control over the other person, even your partner. While you may feel that things should be…
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Removing stigma of ‘mental illness’
When you hear the word “psychiatric hospital,”what do you think of? Do you think of a place for insane people who pose a danger to themselves and everyone around them? Removing stigma of ‘mental illness’ By Kevin Doerzman, kevin.doerzman@iowastatedaily.com | Posted: Thursday, April 18, 2013 12:00 am When you hear the word “psychiatric hospital,”what do you think of? Do you think of a place for insane people who pose a danger to themselves and everyone around them? I’ve been to one, and it’s anything but that. It’s a place to get the necessary help in time of crisis. When I share that with people I’ve become comfortable with, they get…
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Ask Bon: Why does this person blame me for everything?
You might notice that when dealing with someone with BPD, everything that he/she feels and everything that goes wrong seems to be your fault. You probably feel blamed for many, many things including things over which you have no control. Being blamed for everything is tiring to say the least. Coupled with the BP’s inability to take responsibility (and blame) for his/her own actions, this aspect of BPD is maddening. It is impossible for one person to shoulder all the blame for everything in a relationship. One of my therapist friends once told me, “If you are responsible for everything, you are responsible for nothing.” I truly believe that it…
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Ask Bon: Why does my loved one with BPD fear judgment so much?
A person with BPD fears judgment almost to the point of being allergic to it. She is extremely sensitive to judgment from other people, even if that judgment is merely perceived. Because of the shame (the belief that she is a bad person and deserves to be deemed as such) and the rejection sensitivity, a person with BPD avoids situations in which her actions can be judged by others. When I say “judged” here and “judgment,” what I am referring to is not “using one’s better judgment” in a situation, but rather it is the sense that a person’s actions or the person herself can be judged as “right or…
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Ask Bon: Why does my borderline rage at me?
In the support groups, rage is one of the most talked about aspects of BPD. Why? Because it is one of the most difficult for the Non-BPD to endure. Many people ask themselves, why is this person so angry (with me)? It seems to make no sense. A person with BPD will fly into a rage about seemingly nothing. The smallest thing that is out of place or not done the way that this person expects causes sometimes hours of anger and raging, yelling and screaming and sometimes physical violence. Again, many Nons ask: “what’s up with that?” Anger and rage are usually secondary emotions to other primary ones. Sensitivity…
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Boundaries and My Life
I don’t usually get personal on this blog. Today, I have decided to get a bit personal. My “emotional” daughter has been texting me – worried about her mother’s (my wife’s) behavior. We have been going back and forth, trying to figure out what we could do to be effective in this situation. Eventually, I had to apply my boundary with my wife. I had to tell her “I will not talk to you when you’re in this state”. It was tough, yet it was the elephant in the room. The thing is… and this is what you nonBPDs need to learn about boundaries (and about which I have written…