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Ask Bon: Why does my borderline rage at me?
In the support groups, rage is one of the most talked about aspects of BPD. Why? Because it is one of the most difficult for the Non-BPD to endure. Many people ask themselves, why is this person so angry (with me)? It seems to make no sense. A person with BPD will fly into a rage about seemingly nothing. The smallest thing that is out of place or not done the way that this person expects causes sometimes hours of anger and raging, yelling and screaming and sometimes physical violence. Again, many Nons ask: “what’s up with that?” Anger and rage are usually secondary emotions to other primary ones. Sensitivity…
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Overcoming Chronic Resentment
An excellent blog post from Dr. Steven Stosny, who is loved by many people on the ATSTP List, on overcoming chronic resentment. Overcoming Chronic Resentment and the Abuse It Causes By Steven Stosny Created Aug 5 2011 – 7:26am Recovery from relationships that have suffered chronic resentment is long, complex, and fraught with setbacks, whether the couple breaks up or tries to repair the damage done to the union. Unlike anger, which is stimulated by discreet incidents or thoughts, chronic resentment is a general ego defense – the more fragile the ego, the more resentment required for defense. For those most in need, ego-defense is more important than learning, truth, and reason. Hence…
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Are you a grudge collector?
Why being a grudge collector makes you into a slave and dependent on others for justice and self-worth. Reexamining the duality of praise and blame and how people’s feelings play a roll. I noticed today that my wife with BPD is a grudge collector. She holds onto blame from others for a long time. Judgments made about her actions and times that she has been blamed about things (especially when she feels she was NOT a fault) are repeated time and time again in our house. I suppose she ruminates on the perceived humiliation from these incidents. She also craves recognition for her “special abilities” such as her large vocabulary…
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It’s the emotions stupid
In “When Hope is Not Enough” I quote renown Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh about anger. Here is the quote: Anger is an unpleasant feeling. It is like a blazing flame that burns up our self-control and causes us to say and do things that we regret later. When someone is angry, we can see clearly that he or she is abiding in hell. Anger and hatred are the materials from which hell is made. A mind without anger is cool, fresh and sane. The absence of anger is the basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion. … When we are angry, we are not usually inclined…
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BPD mentioned in defense of alleged muderer
I stumbled across this article today about the trial of a man who allegedly killed his ex-girlfriend…. I thought some of the wording was interesting. I have marked up this article to show what I found interesting about it. Ventura murder trial opens By Raul Hernandez Originally published 12:01 a.m., November 20, 2008 Updated 01:00 p.m., November 19, 2008 A Ventura woman tried break free from her killer’s grip but was stabbed more than 130 times in a deadly attack, a prosecutor told a jury today in the murder trial of 24-year-old Uriel Cruz. Prosecutor Rebecca Day told jurors that the 2007 death of Barbarita Yvonne Luna, 25, was premeditated…
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Mindfulness for Anger
Here is some quotes from a website that tells of anger and mindfulness: All this material is from “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who is one of humanity’s greatest spiritual resources. He was, among other things, responsible for getting Martin Luther King to come out against the Vietnam War (a very controversial move for him at the time). King nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work (unfortunately futile) for peace in Vietnam. He is the author of *numerous* books, all of them lovely and wonderful, among them “Being Peace” and “The Miracle of Mindfulness”. Here’s some of what he has…