-
Ask Bon: How do I balance validating somebody’s feelings with protecting myself or my children from emotional abuse?
Q: How do I balance validating somebody’s feelings with protecting myself or my children from emotional abuse? A: This is an excellent question and one that I have grappled with for years. My wife’s behavior before I started down the path to effectiveness was off-the-charts and was affecting my children’s feelings of safety in our household. Numerous times I felt the only solution to protecting my children was to leave my wife and apply for full custody of our children. When my wife was “acting out” and/or in a rage around the children, I would take the kids to the library or to events around town. I worried that they…
-
A Review of WHINE by someone with BPD
The other day I received a review on Amazon about my book When Hope is Not Enough from an individual who identified himself as a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Here’s the text of the review: Got BPD? Get This! Great for Everyone Who Needs Validation!, June 16, 2011 I have BPD and I love this book! I no longer walk around feeling like BPD is stamped on my forehead and everything I say or do is a result of my lousy emotional filtering. I can constructively offer suggestions to myself (or others) on how I would rather be treated or spoken to. I can laugh with myself and my…
-
Are bloggers and authors about BPD biased?
I don’t usually like to defend myself. In fact, in my book, I have a tool that says “Don’t Defend”. Interestingly, in the Essential Family Guide to BPD, Randi Kreger has the same tool. Yet, I am feeling the need to correct something that Randi has said over at her Psychology Today “Stop Walking on Eggshells” blog. In her new post “Take Some Experts and Bloggers with Agendas With a Grain of Salt” she says: Splitting is not just for people with borderline personality disorder. Some (but not all) people who have expertise with high conflict personalities and borderline personality disorder (BPD) also think in black and white. In my…
-
Being Right vs Being Effective
In When Hope is Not Enough I have a section in the “getting ready for the tools” chapter that talks about being effective, rather than being right. I’d like to post a large excerpt from that section to illustrate what I want to talk about today. The most important part of this section of the text is the end, after which I will comment on why I’m talking about this today: It is most important to be effective (rather than right all the time) This particular attitude is one that has been the most controversial in my Internet group. Many people in life pride themselves on their morals and ability…
-
When Hope is Not Enough now available on the Nook
My book When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder is now available on Barnes and Noble’s Nook. Now the book is available in most electronic platforms including the Kindle, the Nook, the iPad and in PDF form to read on a computer. It is also available in printed form through Amazon, Barnes and Noble and through the publisher Lulu, which has the lowest price currently. No related posts.
-
WHINE sells over 100 copies in a month
I am pleased to announce that When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder sold over 100 copies last month for the first time since the first month of it’s publication. I have received many messages from my readers about how helpful the book can be for loved ones of people with BPD. (Of course, I’ve received a few complaints too). WHINE is a book about staying with a person with BPD. It is NOT a guide to splitting up and/or disowning someone with BPD. It grew out of my experiences with my wife and daughter with BPD/BPDish traits. I…