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Confirmation of IAAHF
A few days ago, I saw some confirmation of “it’s all about his/her feelings” come across the ATSTP Email Support List. A woman who has been a member for a while posted this about her husband with BPD: When I asked my H why he thinks he would never fall back on his old ‘opiate’ (other women) he said this: “because I realized it only made me feel sh*ttier about myself and fall into a dark and self-loathing place, feeling that way is the ugliest experience I’ve ever had – and I felt that way for too long.” I didn’t like that answer at first. I wanted to hear “because it was…
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First Search on IAAHF
I coined the phrase “It’s All About His/Her Feelings” (IAAHF) as a mentalization tool to understand the MOTIVATION behind much of the confusing behavior of those with BPD. Last week, I got the first search engine search on IAAHF. See below: As you can see, I also get lots of searches on “famous people” or “celebrities” with BPD. I only post those types of articles to relate to those with BPD and their families that perhaps they are not alone in their struggles – perhaps (again it’s a maybe because the closest celebrity to actually come out and say he/she has BPD is Megan Fox – who speculated about it).…
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Insight: The Hypersensitive Attachment System in BPD
The attachment system in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is “hypersensitive” (triggered too readily). Indications of attachment hyperactivity in core symptoms of BPD Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships Rapidly escalating tempo moving from acquaintance to great intimacy (If your partner has BPD): Was your relationship a whirlwind romance? Is he or she clingy or suspicious? The explanation could lie in a hyperactive attachment system in a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Anthony Bateman, a co-creator of Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT), describes this condition in his MBT training presentation. DBT is a form of cognitive behavior therapy and does not use the psychodynamic concept of attachment.…
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Getting to know you – the essence of supporting someone with BPD
In the documentary “Back from the Edge” Dr. Marsha Linehan (the DBT inventor) says: “you can actually define borderline personality disorder as the ‘I don’t fit in’ disorder.” In the past few days I have been thinking about this concept quite a bit. I believe that this is the core of living with and loving a person with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). The core is for the loved ones to make sense of the other person, based on the borderline’s feelings, thoughts, motivations and beliefs (even if these beliefs are not aligned with the environment). Too many times the loved ones, family members and partners of those with borderline personality disorder,…
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Bad Amazon Reviews and what they reveal about people (and about me)
About 2 weeks ago, I got another 1 star review on Amazon for my book When Hope is Not Enough. When I read that review, I realized that many people don’t understand my book well. Perhaps it’s my writing or perhaps it’s in their reading. I certainly know that my book will not just tell you what you want to hear about your loved one with borderline personality disorder (BPD). If you want to be validated and hear what you’d like to hear about being a victim of someone with BPD, I’d suggest you read Stop Walking on Eggshells. That was the book I read at the beginning of the…
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Amy Winehouse and BPD
One of my twitter followers posted the original Daily Star article about Amy Winehouse and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Of course, I’d had Amy on my Celebrities with Possible BPD list for many years. If you want to read all of my articles about Amy Winehouse click here. I have no idea why the title includes ‘Mental Illness’ in quotes. Maybe it was because they were quoting the relative or maybe it brings up the question as to whether BPD is an actual mental illness. Here is the text of the article (and my comments below): TRAGIC AMY WINEHOUSE HAD ‘MENTAL ILLNESS’ TROUBLED Amy Winehouse suffered from an undiagnosed mental…