What separates my book from SWOE and other popular Non-BP Books?
What separates my book from SWOE and other popular Non-BP Books?
Well, first of all… I am still with my BP wife of almost 20 years. Many books (including “One way ticket to Kansas”, “Tears and Healing” and “Stop Walking on Eggshells”) are written by people who are no longer with their “BP’s.” I have found a way to live peacefully beside my BP (diagnosed BTW). Also, I actually tell you exactly HOW to talk with your BP, to effectively deal with someone with BPD – unlike these other books. I tell you exactly what to say and how to say it. I tell you how to get your feelings noticed and inserted into the conversation.
Try it… you’ll like it (or maybe you will not like it… It is not an easy road… believe me, I know) .
5 Comments
Border Life
Sounds great! I struggle with using good communication techniques and validating language. How goes the book on validation?
Bon Dobbs
Border Life,
Hi. Thanks for stopping by. Yes, validation techniques and validating language play a HUGE role in my book. I spend over 25 pages (in a 184 page book) on validation, invalidation and validation techniques. I personally think that emotional validation is a key tool in communicating effectively. It sets the stage for being understood, understanding others and communicating your own feelings to others. Here is a quote from one of my readers (who is a professional in the DBT/BPD space) about the validation section of my book:
Disclaimer: I just downloaded WHINE. I have not read the entire book.
However, the section on validation is excellent, excellent, excellent!
For some reason, I’m always deeply impressed when someone actually
understands this concept. Not only is validation explained in a
complete way but sample conversations are also given with suggested
validating language.
This section alone needs to be required reading for any loved ones of
persons diagnosed with BPD.
I “hope” that you’ll get a copy for yourself and perhaps recommend it to friends and/or family who want to communicate more effectively.
Thanks!
Bon
non-BP
I think the primary factor not what skills you have, but how much personal sacrifice you commit to. In reading your posts I’ve thought ‘if my wife is still that bad after 20 years I won’t be putting up with it’.
Bon Dobbs
If your happiness and relationship contentment is based on your wife’s changing you’re in for a lot of suffering. I changed ME. That is the only thing I had the power to change. Because I changed me she changed as a response, but my happiness is no longer dependent upon her changing.
Bon Dobbs
You might find that if you learn effective skills you would no longer feel this way. The problem with your “sacrifice that you commit to” is that it is rigid and inflexible. WHEN do you commit to this sacrifice? Does it last forever? What happens when you exceed the level of sacrifice? I think this is a very ineffective, rigid way of looking at a relationship. IMO it’s better to be agile and bend, flex and adapt effectively to each situation. That requires skills and practice – like any set of skills. Let me ask you a question: if you want to play the guitar and write you own beautiful music, what does that require? A level of sacrifice? Or the proper fundamentals, and then practice, practice, practice?