The skills I offer in this book are counter-intuitive. They go against many of the things that we have been taught to believe about relationships. What holds us back before we start I often see on my support list “newbies” who are not teachable. They arrive at the list seemingly willing to listen to the experienced members, yet in reality they subconsciously feel they have it all figured out. The experience of the “old timers” is extraordinarily valuable. In fact, that experience is the greatest asset available on the list. It is why I decided to revise this book to reflect the teaching from the sharing of that experience. Many…

In order to live a life and have a relationship without creating resentments and tallying up fears, you must throw away the scoreboard. What’s this about a scoreboard? The scoreboard is the “what she does for me” vs “what I have done for her” measure. It’s an accounting of transactions in the relationship. It’s not just about marriage (and sex); parents have a scoreboard for their kids as well. How their kids with BPD don’t appreciate the sacrifice they have made for them and blah, blah, blah. This scoreboard results in more resentment (she’s not meeting my needs) and more fear (I’m going to be the only one giving for…