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Rejection Sensitivity and BPD
Rejection Sensitivity is the tendency to “anxiously expect, readily perceive and overreact to social rejection.” [Downey & Feldman, 1996, quoted from Baldwin, Mark, “Interpersonal Cognition”, 2005, page 83] Someone with BPD will almost certainly have this feature. Have you ever had your loved one ask you: “Are you mad at me?” Or has your loved one asked you: “Do you like me?” over and over again. Or have they said, “You could do so much better than me. Why are you even with me?” These questions and others like them are indications that your loved one is suffering from rejection sensitivity. Someone with rejection sensitivity will also avoid tasks, meetings…
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Validation versus Agreement
It is important for nons to understand the difference between validation and agreement. It seems many “nons” find it difficult to use validation with their loved ones. They have this opinion that validation is “giving in” to the desires and wants of the person with BPD. Often they feel that their own needs (the non’s needs) or desires are in conflict with those of the person with BPD and that if they “give in” they lose. Validation is not about agreement or winning or losing. Validation is about finding the truth in other people’s FEELINGS, not their decisions or behavior. The other person’s feelings are the key issue at heart…
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Boundaries from the ATSTP Group
Here’s a snippet from one of my posters in ATSTP. It does a good job of explaining boundaries: Forgive me, but I feel the need to restate what Bon wrote to you about boundaries. They are not about your partner’s actions. They are about yours. In essence, boundaries are what you do with YOURSELF — AFTER the line’s been crossed. And eventually, they become what you do to put yourself in a position so the line CAN’T be crossed. They really have nothing to do with the “perpetrator”. If that’s confusing, think of it this way: 1. The law says: Don’t go over 55 mph. (That’s a rule, not a boundary.)…