Borderline Personality Disorder

Validation versus Agreement

It is important for nons to understand the difference between validation and agreement. It seems many “nons” find it difficult to use validation with their loved ones. They have this opinion that validation is “giving in” to the desires and wants of the person with BPD. Often they feel that their own needs (the non’s needs) or desires are in conflict with those of the person with BPD and that if they “give in” they lose.

Validation is not about agreement or winning or losing. Validation is about finding the truth in other people’s FEELINGS, not their decisions or behavior. The other person’s feelings are the key issue at heart here, not the behavior. If you validate properly you can attain a communication level about feelings, without giving into behavior or threats or without losing. Remember: validation does not mean agreement and does not condone behavior. Its function is to connect with another person on an emotional level.