Connect with Bon

A free eBook – 4X4 for Nons

Here is a free eBook from Bon: Free eBook

Holiday Skills for Dealing with Difficult Relatives and Friends

Hello, all. Below are two posts from the past that deal with Holiday dynamics. As the Holiday season goes on and Christmas and New Year’s approach, perhaps it’s time to review these and see what you can do to be more effective during the Holiday season?

Enjoy!

Bon

Just in time for the holidays

Family Dynamics Around the Holiday Table

 

Prescription drug abuse leading to more grandparents raising grandchildren

Opiate Abuse

Their daughter had struggled with being bipolar and borderline personality disorder and prescription drug problems and eventually was unable to take care of her two children.

Prescription drug abuse leading to more grandparents raising grandchildren

By Steffi Lee
Published: November 24, 2017, 1:00 pm Updated: November 24, 2017, 5:49 pm

AUSTIN (KXAN) – The bond between grandparents and their grandchildren is unwavering and Gail Gallagher remembers the day more than a decade ago that feeling grew even stronger.

“The older one took the hand of the younger one and said we’re safe now,” Gallagher said.

It was the day Gallagher and her husband, Dr. W. Neil Gallagher, became parents again. Their daughter had struggled with being bipolar and borderline personality disorder and prescription drug problems and eventually was unable to take care of her two children.

Gallagher said the pair decided to step up for the safety of their grandkids, who are now 19 and 20 years old. She said her daughter’s health condition hindered her from being able to make right decisions for the children.

“There were issues beginning to form which put the children in harm’s way – physically and emotionally,” Gallagher said.

The couple went through months of legal challenges but eventually was able to adopt the kids.

Gallagher’s husband said in an interview he was already preparing to sell his business and both were preparing to move to a lake home before the dynamics of their family changed.

“Love is the action to do the right thing, whether you feel like it or not,” Neil Gallagher said.

READ THE ARTICLE

11 Subtle Signs Your Mom Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder

She can become so disappointed in you, that you feel awful, without really knowing what you can do to improve the situation.

11 Subtle Signs Your Mom Might Have Borderline Personality Disorder

By CAROLYN STEBER

Some people are lucky to have a healthy, loving relationship with their mom. But if that’s never been the case for you, you might be wondering what happened, what went wrong, or why you just can’t get along. While there are countless causes of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships, one possible explanation could be that your mom has borderline personality disorder (BDP).

BPD makes it difficult to have stable relationships — and that can play out in toxic ways between moms and their kids. “It’s really, really hard to have a mom with BPD,” licensed clinical psychologist Natalie Feinblatt, PsyD, tells Bustle. “Primary caregivers of infants are ideally stable and predictable, which is pretty much the opposite of someone with BPD. If your mom never enters treatment specific to BPD it will be difficult, or maybe even impossible, to have a consistently positive relationship with her.”

That’s because this personality disorder is marked by a rigid pattern of unhealthy and abnormal thinking and behaving, and is focused on chronic instability in mood, behavior, relationships, and self-image, Feinblatt tells me. That can, for obvious reasons, truly take a toll on how your mom feels, and how she treats you as a result.

Below, some subtle signs she might have BPD, as well as what you can do to help yourself and your mom.

1. She Constantly Thinks You’re Going To “Abandon” Her

2. She Loves You, Then She Hates You

3. She Has Intense Angry Outbursts

4. She Won’t Back Down During A Fight

READ THE ARTICLE

“We Didn’t Know How To Help”

We didn’t know how to help. Those six words resonate strongly and seem to be commonplace when discussing mental health, especially in family circles. From personal experience, it’s an emotionally draining and frustrating occurrence.

“We Didn’t Know How To Help”

Increased awareness critical when supporting a loved one with mental illness

BY MIKE STILLON

NOVEMBER 10, 2015
Mental illness has historically been a difficult topic for discussion, for such reasons as a lack of knowledge of its effects or the naive belief that it’s a rarity even in today’s society.

Unfortunately, due to this rationale, public awareness isn’t as high as it could be. This is especially problematic for families who have a loved one struggling with their mental health.

As an example, in September 2014 I had a panic attack for the first time. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life, as I had no control over my body and no idea what to do next. Thankfully, my roommate at the time was there to help me through.

Not even two weeks later I had another panic attack, but this time I was alone. Scared and concerned for my safety, I turned to the only people I could think of that could help – my family.

Struggling for breath, I trekked down to my old home and crashed through the front door. By that time I could barely see, and proceeded to faint in the hallway.

When I woke up, I expected to be on a bed with my mother and father consoling me. That wasn’t the case. Instead, dazed and confused, the first thing I heard was their laughter.

It was during that evening that I realized something was wrong, and that mental health awareness needed to be a more prominent topic of discussion within families going forward.

The main thing that resonated with me was that my roommate knew exactly what to do when I was struggling, yet my family did not.

READ THE ARTICLE

Nasty Divorce: A Kids Eye View (An Excerpt)

Her mother was finally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Meredith still deals with the aftermath of abuse and parental alienation.

Nasty Divorce: A Kids Eye View (An Excerpt)

SEPTEMBER 25, 2015 BY MARINA SBROCHI

Marina Sbrochi hopes to incite behavior change by sharing the experiences of children and damaging effects of high conflict divorce.

MEREDITH’S STORY

Meredith’s parents divorced when her older sister was three and her mother was pregnant with her. She had been told varying stories of why her father hadn’t been in their lives. It began with her mother telling her from as early as she can remember that her father denied fathering her and wanted nothing to do with them. The story would have varying themes on the original, but also included cheating and physical abuse. They were also told he was a “pervert” and liked little girls. The message sent to Meredith by her mother was this, “your father is a very bad man and a loser.”

Her mother remarried when she was five years old. He was a minister. He too had no problem trashing her father. Even though her mother had remarried, she never missed an opportunity to bash the father she had never met. Soon, they were told that their stepfather adopted the girls as his own. Meredith only learned that this wasn’t true after she moved out. The only reason he didn’t adopt the girls was because her mother wouldn’t get the child support. When the time came that they were adults — they “didn’t have enough money.”


Continue reading Nasty Divorce: A Kids Eye View (An Excerpt)

Nasty Divorce: A Kid’s Eye View (Kindle Edition)

Nasty Divorce: A Kid’s Eye View will open your eyes to the true life tragedy that comes with high conflict divorce.

Author Marina Sbrochi has been writing positive divorce advice for The Huffington Post for since 2012. It was her post, The Lasting Effects of Talking Nasty About Your Ex, that sparked a firestorm of comments.

Parental alienation, abuse and mental illness are a common theme in many of these stories. After reading this book, there will be no doubt in your mind, high conflict divorce is incredibly damaging.

You’ll read first hand things like:

“My mom trashed my dad all my life (I’m in my 50’s and he died in 2010, but she still tries!) The result was me going through self-hatred, suicidal thoughts, low self-worth, alcoholism, and always trying to achieve and “perform” enough, meanwhile dating ALL the wrong men–for a long time!!”
******
“The children (now adults) still go to therapy to deal with the loss of the relationship they had with their mother.”
******
If Colleen could summarize her parents divorce in one sentence, it would be this: “It was more about vengeance than actually about gaining custody of their children.”
******
“Do you know what it’s like to listen to one parent bash your other parent on a daily basis? It’s exhausting. Although, for the most part, my dad has stopped — our relationship continues to hang by a thread. Psychological damage like that just does not heal overnight, instead it lingers and persists, perhaps for a lifetime. I’m not over it yet.”

Sprinkled throughout the book are helpful tips and advice to help you have a better divorce for your children. It’s never too late to change direction. Your kids will thank you.


List Price: Price Not Listed
Kindle Edition: Check Amazon for Pricing Digital Only

National Alliance on Mental Illness offers Family to Family education program – New Jersey

The course discusses the clinical treatment of these illnesses and teaches the knowledge and skills that family members need to cope more effectively as caregivers.

National Alliance on Mental Illness offers Family to Family education program

By Hunterdon County Democrat
on January 16, 2015 at 2:24 PM, updated January 16, 2015 at 2:28 PM

NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Family to Family Education Program is a 12-week course for anyone with an adult (over 18 years) family member or close friend with a mental illness (brain disorder). The course is taught by trained NAMI family members. All course materials are furnished at no cost.

The curriculum focuses on Schizophrenia, Major Depression, Mania, Schizoaffective Disorder, Mood Disorders, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety Disorders, Bipolar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

The course discusses the clinical treatment of these illnesses and teaches the knowledge and skills that family members need to cope more effectively as caregivers.
Continue reading National Alliance on Mental Illness offers Family to Family education program – New Jersey