Success and the Path to Effectiveness

Over the past two days on the ATSTP Google Group, I have been happy to see some success exhibited. Many people on the Internet and on Internet email supports lists for Non-BPs will tell you that there is no hope of having a relationship with someone with BPD. Often I have seen that the only “advice” given to Nons is: RUN AWAY! Even on the “staying” sites and sub-sites, many people think that it will never get better EVER – which to me is a form of black-and-white thinking that Nons engage in.

While hope may not be enough, the BP/Non-BP partner relationship is not without hope at all. This week I received two messages from the ATSTP Google Group that gave me some hope. One was from a long-time member of the group (he’s been a member for about 2 years) and it goes like this:

I truly consider myself still part of the ATSTP community even tho I’m less deeply immersed in it now. And the reason I’m less deeply immersed now… is because I’ve learned the lessons I needed to and moved on. If this is my alma mater… consider it mission accomplished in preparing me for “college” or even the “job field” of succeeding with a BP. I arrived at grade-school level. I’m now at high-school-grad level… I recognize you, Bon, at the college-masters-instructor level. And I’m so grateful, that you have been here for me! So, thank you… keep up the spectacular work! You benefit not only your family, but so many of us out here in the world! You have made THE DIFFERENCE, in my life! I thank you profusely, and ask that you keep me ‘in the loop’ in areas which I might be able to help in or find interest in. Thanks SO MUCH, Bon! Thank you ATSTP! You’ve helped me learn and grow SO much!

It’s wonderful to hear that someone has truly benefited from the sharing, caring and skills teaching that go on at ATSTP. One success story (out of so many failures on other boards) really warms my heart.

Now as for the other message that I received – this one is from a “newbie” to the list. She joined on May 8th and has read my book “When Hope is Not Enough”. She just started applying the skills with her husband. Here’s her message:

This s#$t really works. (sorry to use that word but I wanted to express my excitement!) I used some validating words (the ones I could remember at the moment) and helped my husband calm down twice this weekend. I liked the results and am looking forward to finishing “When Hope is Not Enough”

So, here we have on person that is near the end of the path toward effectiveness and one that is at the very beginning. I’m just gratified that the methods that are provided in “When Hope is Not Enough,” on this blog and, most importantly, in the ATSTP Group are actually helping people get a handle on their relationship with their loved one with BPD.