Book Review of WHINE from “Tides of Crazy Love”

The author of this book, Bon Dobbs, is the founding leader of my online google support group – ATSPGroup. His wife has been diagnosed with BPD and his daughter struggles with emotional dysregulation similar to that of BPD.

When I found this group, I had just come away from the Welcome To Oz group known as WTO-Staying. I was tremendously discouraged (support-wise), because the folks there just didn’t seem to “get” this disorder… from my perspective as a suffer and as a non to my BPDH. There were a few informed folks who were seriously trying to explain the underlying fears and irrational thoughts behind BPD, but most of the nons couldn’t seem to get past their own hurts, fears and thoughts to learn the type of communication that is most effective with a BP. I knew immediately from reading Bon’s supportive responses to group members that he and I shared many of the same thoughts and opinions about the disorder… and about how non’s tend to become affected negatively by it over time, which inevitably contributes to the further erosion of the relationship.

“When Hope Is Note Enough” (WHINE) explains all this, and goes on to offer excellent and insightful tips on how to support the BP in your life without condoning the inapproprate behavior (projecting, blaming, intense anger, impulsiveness, etc.) or agreeing with the irrational thoughts you oftentimes find yourself subjected to by the BP in your life. It’s a very validating resource, especially for nons, that teaches you how to provide a validating environment in which your BP can finally heal without sacrificing your own values, beliefs and feelings.

I’ve been using the approach in this book (naturally… thanks to my own previous therapy) since the day I found out about hubby’s MH issues. It was challenging at first, as I had to view what I knew from a different perspective, but over the past 8 months, we have really begun to see an improvement in our relationship and in my hubby’s healing process. (I think my life updates in this blog will be a testament to that… once I get them all posted anyway, lol!) I was glad to see Bon write this book. Many times, I had considered doing the same, but unfortunately, I’m not organized enough in my mind to take on such a project… at least not at this point in my life. He did an superb job bringing it all together in a way readers can easily follow and implement! I highly recommend this book, not just to nons of BPs, but to anyone who is caught up in a high conflict relationship with someone they love.

Here is a nice book review I found of my book When Hope is Not Enough. I “know” this reviewer through my email list ATSTP. She is incredibly wise and knowledgeable about BPD and being a Non-BP. She should write her own book IMO.

Thanks! Hope you enjoy and can use the book (of course, sometimes “hope” is not enough – haha).