I found this list of invalidating phrases on another site. I think we nons can learn a lot from this list. Invalidation is weird – and it is a natural reaction to what we think is “crazy” behavior and feelings:
“Ordering” the BP to Feel Differently
Get over it.
Get a life
Don’t be sad.
Don’t get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Don’t be so dramatic.
Don’t be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally
Ordering the BP to “look” differently
Don’t look so sad.
Don’t look so smug.
Don’t look so down.
Don’t look like that.
Don’t make that face.
Don’t look so serious.
Don’t look so proud of yourself.
Don’t look so pleased with yourself.
Denying the BP’s Perception, Defending
But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
I honestly don’t judge you as much as you think.
Trying to Make the BP Feel Guilty While Invalidating the BP
I tried to help you..
At least I …..
At least you….
You are making everyone else miserable.
Trying to Isolate the BP
You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn’t bother anyone else, why should it bother you?
Minimizing the BP’s Feelings
You must be kidding.
You can’t be serious.
It can’t be that bad.
Your life can’t be that bad.
You are just … (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It’s nothing to get upset over.
It’s not worth getting that upset over.
There’s nothing wrong with you.
There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn’t make any sense to feel that way.
Let’s look at the facts.
Let’s stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it….
I don’t always do that.
It’s not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)
Judging & Labeling the BP
You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk. .
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.
Turning Things Around
You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.
Trying to get the BP to question himself/herself
What is your problem?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s the matter with you?
Why can’t you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ….?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What’s wrong with you, can’t you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don’t you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?
Telling the BP How he/she “Should” Feel or Act
You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that…
You should be happy that ….
You should be glad that …
You should just drop it.
You shouldn’t worry so much.
You shouldn’t let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn’t wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn’t say that about your father.
Defending The Other Person
Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn’t mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.
Negating, Denial & Confusion
Now you know that isn’t true.
You don’t mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don’t really mean that. You are just … (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)
Sarcasm and Mocking
Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?
Laying Guilt Trips
Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?
Philosophizing Or Cliches
Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.
Talking about the BP when she can hear it
She is impossible to talk to.
You can’t say anything to her.
This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.