Anything to Stop the Pain - BPD and Non-BPs

Well, I haven’t updated my stats in a while so I thought it might be interesting to do so. The last 30 days I had the following stats:

Celebrities with a PD rose to 53% of the traffic - it’s amazing what people are interested in.

BPD General rose to 26% of my traffic. This is due in part to my running a Google AdWords campaign on the term “BPD” to try and get my book, When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, into the hands of more people.

Coping was about the same as in the past.

I was happy to see that “BPD evil” and “BPD demonic possession” has dropped off the top search terms.

Now for some notable recent search engine terms that found my blog (my comments in parenthesis):

bpd blame (yes, they do a lot of it)
bpd sluts (hmmm…)
why are borderlines evil (they’re not)
i’m in love with bpd woman (fasten your seatbelt!)
“npd”+”marriage” (no, please don’t)
bpd people why they threaten to leave you (because they want to leave you before you leave them)
inner child borderline personality disorder (not the inner child again, please!)
bpd family guilt no contact (that’s tough)
demonic symptoms (it doesn’t exist)
suicide how to do it (I almost cried at that one)
dbt parenting skills (read WHINE and take a DBT-FST class)
how to calm someone who is dysregulated (read WHINE)
praying for spouse with bpd (sometimes hope is not enough)
bpd and bitch (ouch!)
how to tell someone they have bpd (don’t)
demon possession vs. mental illness (these people and their beliefs in demons)
borderline personality girl causes trouble (I bet!)
bpd don’t know how to show love (no, they have too much shame until they are treated)
loving a bpd (it’s a rough road)
borderline personality god (I guess they were looking for answers, not diagnosing god)
tough love therapy (it doesn’t work with BPD)
do people with bpd cheat more (some of them do)
do people with bpd ever realize the truth (emotional truth, yes)
bpd body image (it ain’t good)
demon possession borderline personality (the demons AGAIN?)
how to get rid of bpd spouse? (I hope you didn’t mean “get rid of” like really get rid of)
child of a borderline hell (that’s sad)
i want bpd ex back (you sure?)
“bpd” burn bridges  (yes!)

Bon Dobbs :: Sep.18.2008 :: Stats :: 1 Comment »

Well, I’ve looked over recent keywords that find my blog and found these to be interesting (with my comment in parenthesis):

• borderline tough love (it doesn’t work see this post)
• bpd not wrong (I wonder a BP saying they’re not wrong or a non-bp complaining about it?)
• bpd impacts on loved ones (big ones! That’s the whole point of the site huh?)
• how to stop ruminating (It isn’t easy. Mindfulness helps.)
• dumped out of the blue bpd (yeah, it happens)
• how to stop a demonic possession (I’m amazed at the number of demonic possession believers out there)
• here is the last two digits of my social (ok, where is the rest? - haha)
• bpd inability to love (sad…)
• bpd look of hate evil (I’ve seen it.)
• outlandish lies (poor guy/gal)
• best site anythingtostopthepain (my favorite of the group)
• cocaine and bpd (not a good combo)
• bpd wife bitch (bitter much?)
• shall i contact my ex who has bpd (not if you don’t have to)
• how do i validate my borderline daughter (nice… I’m glad you’re trying!)
• “borderline personality” evil (evil again)
• drunk housewives (is this someone looking for porn? or support? Maybe a new ABC show?)
• bpd are evil (evil again!)
• how do you stop a demonic possession (you can’t - it doesn’t exist. I guess you can stop believing in it.)

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.16.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 3 Comments »

Apparently, someone over at Welcome to Oz (WTO) Internet list posted a message asking about me and what I am all about concerning BPD and Non-BPs. This lead to a huge spike in traffic with my average number of accesses basically doubling over the weekend. I’m still a member of WTO, so I decided to login and take a look at what people are saying about me over there. I haven’t posted in years and haven’t logged in in months.

Obviously, there are many, many new people who have no idea who I am or what I’m about. There are a few members still hanging around who do remember me. There are a couple of people who seem to have a pretty dim view of what I have to offer - although I think that those people don’t know me very well and have interacted with me only cursorily. First, today, I’d like to outline my philosophy about BPD and Non-BPs to clear up some of the mis-statements and mis-perceptions.

• I do believe that BPD is a serious mental illness and not a case of a “behavioral disorder.” In other words, BPD is not merely a case of someone just behaving badly. I further believe that much of the core issue with someone with BPD is emotional and based on poor emotional regulation skills. The reaction to strong negative emotions (and other factors, like  shame and impulsiveness) cause the “poor behavior.” I put that in quotes because the behavior has a function and the function IMO is to make the BP feel better. A person (whether they have BP or not) CAN learn to behave differently in the face of strong negative emotions. It takes practice and requires the acquisition of emotional skills. However, I also believe that the emotional under-pinnings are not going to disappear, just because the person with BPD learns to behave more effectively. Emotionally, they are just more sensitive than other people - that is the way they are. In other words, I don’t believe that I have a “cure” for BPD, which was bandied about at WTO.
• I also believe that the only person that you can change in a relationship is yourself. It is my opinion that once you change your own approach to emotional situations, the person with whom you are having the relationship will react to the change in various ways. Sometimes they will have a fit. Sometimes they will appreciate the “new you.” And sometimes a complex combination of emotions will arise. My “methods” are a combination of emotional understanding (of your own emotions and of theirs), emotional validation (which is complex in itself), positive reinforcement and “inserting your (the Non’s) feelings” into the conversation. There are some other skills and sub-skills, but that’s a quick synopsis. IMO this complex combination of skills (which also require practice) will improve the relationship and make sure that you don’t “walk on eggshells” around the other person. Boundaries can help - however, boundaries are a subject unto themselves, and I find that most people don’t know what boundaries are and how to apply them properly.
• There was some argument at WTO that my motives were suspect, because I am trying to make some money on what I have learned and practiced thus far. I think the operative word here is trying, because I don’t really make enough money to even operate this website at a break-even level. No, I’ve not made much money at all as a “professional Non-BP” (if that’s what I am). What I have been able to do is have an impact on the lives of many people. That is pretty satisfying in itself, and I will not pretend that I wouldn’t like to do it full-time. I certainly enjoy interacting with others in my situation and exchanging advice, strategies, knowledge, etc. more than my “day-job.” But it will be a long time (and probably never) before I will be able to do that. Besides, most of my support activity and knowledge-sharing I do for free - either here on in my Google Group. There’s no charge for participating in that group or to read these posts. At this point, any money I do make just contributes to the cost of operating this website.
• I don’t think that BPs have to be “let off the hook” and that they have no responsibility when it comes to a relationship. I also don’t think that you, as a Non-BP, have to forgo your feelings to live alongside a person with BPD. Both of those ideas were suggested at WTO. Neither is true. I think everyone in a relationship will have emotions, reactions, expectations, etc. Everyone is allowed to have each of these. Everyone has certain responsibilities in a relationship as well. What I DO advocate is looking at the function behind behavior and understanding the dynamic that exists. Many times I’ve seen people suggest that my methods give the BP “undo advantage” in a relationship. Huh? I thought this was a “loved one?” I don’t think that “love is a battlefield.” It’s not us-agains- them. That is just more black-and-white thinking on the part of the Non. If you’re going through a bloody divorce with someone with BPD, I can certainly understand where this might come into play, but, as I have said, my methods are about “living with and loving” someone with BPD. There is responsibility on both sides of the fence. It takes a certain environment IMO to make sure that responsibility is acknowledged - and that environment has to be one that is validating, otherwise you’re going to be caught in a shame hurricane. Nothing will get accomplished.
• Finally, I believe that effective emotional skills are helpful for anyone in any relationship. Anger, sadness, spite, resentment, blame, etc., etc. lead to a corrosive environment within any relationship. My “methods” attempt to reverse some of the corrosiveness and build stronger, healthier emotional relationships. You may not agree with my methods, which is fine. Personally, I’ve had to try everything to find anything that worked.

I guess it’s better to be talked about a little, whether it is positive or negative, than to be ignored. Thanks to a group member of mine who notified me of the discussion and who defended me (you know who you are).

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.16.2008 :: Resources, Odds and Ends, Stats, Blame, Biology, Validation, Emotions, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 1 Comment »

My technorati authority took a huge hit this week when 20 bloggers passed the 6 month link limit. I had a bunch of bloggers on live journal link to my article on BPD and Lying. I’ve written several more posts on lying - it seems to be a pretty hot topic with BPD.

But 6 months has past and BOOM! The authority went from 29 to 9. Ouch…. oh, well. More good content to come - so maybe it’ll go back up!

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.14.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends, Lying, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 1 Comment »

Alrighty then! Now for a page view analysis of ATSTP. I got over 1,500 individual page views in the last 30 days and another 3,000 or so on the front page. The graph looks very similar to last month’s. Celebrity-related page view represent 44% (up from 43% last month), which is strange considering that celebrity-related search terms comprised 77% of the search terms this month. Maybe people that are looking for something other than celebrity dirt spend more time on the site and look at more pages. I’ll have to look at the raw logs to figure that one out. Some things to note:

• “BPD evil” made up a smaller percentage (8%) than last month (11%).
• Coping made up an even smaller percentage (8%) than last month (10%).
• Pages about my book made up 6% (wish it was more).
• “Lying” is still rather small, even though I see 5% of the search terms related to lying (seems like more).

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.04.2008 :: Stats, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »

OK, it’s stat time again. I analyzed the keywords from the last 30 days. Unfortunately, some variant of “celebrities with (some) personality disorder” makes up 77% (versus 60% last month) of the keywords that hit my blog in the last 30 days. Wow. I guess we know what people want - dirt on celebs, I suppose. A couple of positive things happened versus last month:

• The search terms that relate BPD = evil or BPD = demonic have dropped off the top search terms.
• Lying has dropped from 9% to 5%

If you are interested, the celebs with BPD that people search on look like this:

• General Celebs (79.9%)
• 
• Amy Winehouse (7.1%)
• Angelina Jolie (6.6%)
• Britney Spears (4.1%)
• Courtney Love (1.2%)
• Heather Mills (1.2%)

You can view a graph of that data over on the right. Some interesting search terms:

• dui and borderline personality (yeah, it can be a problem)
• bpd demon (it didn’t make the top categories, but it’s still out there)
• scab pickers (eeewww…)
• angelina jolie fuck (hmmm… looking for angie porn?)
• hypnosis mp3 to get me hypnotised (see http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/)
• what does the word of god say about bpd (nothing, probably. Satan has NPD though, I think)
• eyes turning red possession (get out!)
• bpd abuse alcohol kill pain (sad)
• group of people looking (this is weird)
• throw things out there and not be perfect (go for it!)
• paranoia imagined people followed her (scary)
• it doesn’t stop the pain (sadder)
• wayward actions (feeling guilty)
• proving bpd in court (why bother? what an ass)
• incompetent wife on xanax (been there, done that. Judgmental a bit though?)
• am i a liar and bad person (saddest)

Hmmm… well, I will have to do the page analysis too, but that’s how people searching the web got to my blog this month.

Bon Dobbs :: Jun.04.2008 :: Stats, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »

I find it discouraging that I get comment SPAM (literally almost 1000 SPAM comments) about several main things - prescription meds (which I rail against consistently), sexy pictures (which I don’t condone) and gambling sites (which many BPs might find interesting, but not my BP). I find it frustrating that I get SPAM about the very things I am trying to protect against. I mean WTF? I have received 7 times the SPAM comment-wise as the real thing. What a mess.

Bon Dobbs :: May.28.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends :: No Comments »

I’ll be writing again soon. I have about 10 new ideas for posts. What I wanted to respond to tonight is: What is the deal with my comment SPAM? I rail against Xanax for BPs and then I get 50 SPAM comments about buying Xanax without a prescription. WTF? I hate SPAMers - as I know all of you do too.

Bon Dobbs :: May.25.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends, Substance Abuse :: 1 Comment »

Well, thanks to all of you who read my blog and link to it, my Technorati “authority” keeps rising. When I first placed that gadget on my page I think my authority was at 2. It is now (as of today) at 28 - of course I just saw a guy at Technorati who has an authority of 22,110 - holy moly! Anyway, thanks.

I was also reviewing the search terms that found my blog again. I found these to be either funny or sad (or both), my comments are in parentheses:

• bpd pity party (I wonder if this is from a BP or a Non-BP?)
• bpd spiritual issue (Not likely)
• dealing with evil ex wife (They’re all evil aren’t they?)
• using bpd for sympathy (Talk about invalidating environments!)
• who the fuck is pete doherty, self-mutilation (Wow, great search term)
• how will i know i’ve been hypnotised? (You’ll know)
• is your husband demon possessed (Probably)
• when will i get my stimulus check (Check with the IRS, I’d say)
• body temperature and bpd (Huh?)
• “therapist doesn’t like me” (That makes me want to cry… time to get a new therapist)

That’s all for now… at least it’s a change from “celebrities with borderline personality disorder” and all it’s variants.

Bon Dobbs :: May.14.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends :: 3 Comments »

Yesterday, I posted a message about my last 30 days search engine terms. Today, I am posting about page views. In the last 30 days I have had about 1,200 individual page views (not including the front page which gets the most views, it had about 3,000 views this month). I have categorized the page views in the graph to the right.

One interesting thing to note is that while 60% of the search terms involve celebrities with PDs (BPD, APD, NPD, others), only 43% of my page views are related to celebs. Only 2% of the search terms are related to BPD = evil (or demonic), 11% of my page views are about that subject. I can only suspect that there are links to my blog on certain subjects.

Anyway, 10% (and probably more, since that 20% of “BPD General” includes syndicated messages that cover coping) look to ATSTP for coping. I wish it were more, because that is what I hope to do with this blog. Raise awareness about BPD and help the Non-BPs with coping skills.

Bon Dobbs :: Apr.29.2008 :: Stats, Odds and Ends :: 1 Comment »