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A mere critical stinging comment can just as easily send a person suffering Borderline Personality Disorder into “emotional anaphylactic shock.”
… from an insightful blog post by Sonia Neale. Here is the text of the post:
Borderline Emotional Anaphylactic Reaction: Mindfulness and Acceptance
By SONIA NEALE
Sometimes, the smallest things in life can cause the greatest pain and physical reaction. A bee’s sting is almost invisible to the naked eye and yet can easily kill someone when they have an allergic reaction. A mere critical stinging comment can just as easily send a person suffering Borderline Personality Disorder into “emotional anaphylactic shock.”
When a person has a life-threatening reaction to the poison from a bee sting, an ambulance is called and the person is taken to hospital where they receive treatment for their illness as well as respect and dignity but when someone suffering an emotional reaction to life circumstances presents at emergency, they are sometimes treated with rejection, intolerance and disdain. People can die from a bee sting and Borderlines can “die” from their own personal rage and self-hatred. If you present at emergency with a swollen face and throat unable to breathe with all your body organs shutting down, is some doctor or nurse going to say, “OMG, it’s a tiny bee sting, how bad can that be, look at you, get over yourself,” like they sometimes do when Borderlines present at hospital with similar symptoms.
Yet both types of people are in much pain and danger. One is considered entirely physical and the other is considered entirely emotional. Or is it entirely emotional? When a sensitive person with a history of trauma has an emotional “bee-sting” reaction to someone’s criticism there is a definite physical reaction.
Borderlines tend to be hypervigilant, which means they live with permanent muscle tension and a certain excess of adrenaline pumping round their system at any given time. So when criticism hits, the body goes into an emotional anaphylactic state where cortisol floods the brain and body system and a type of blackout occurs where nothing anyone says or does registers. Your body has gone into “shock.” When I used to get into such a state someone could have cut my arm off and I would not have noticed.
Things are said during this time that are simply appalling. I have used language I would not use in normal everyday life. I have said things that are deeply hurtful and as my husband has said, “you can mend a vase but the cracks are always there for those to see.” My therapist says it is best to repair those cracks with gold. Her favourite quote, by Barbara Bloom is “When the Japanese mend broken objects they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold, because they believe that when something’s suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.” I prefer her take on this matter.
Therapy has taught me that my perception of events and criticism is usually erroneous. Even if people are critical and disrespectful, it is about them and not me. If my ideas get criticized it is not because I am a loser and I deserve to die, it is because we both have a different belief system and ways of handling situations. There is no right or wrong, just opinions.
I have criticized my therapist on many occasions including recently when she raised her colleagues’ fees in the light of almost certain public benefit cuts. Her reply was that her practice survived before the benefits were given and hopefully will survive after the benefits are cut. She raised her fees because she valued herself and her colleagues. She did not feel the need to get upset or question herself or her actions because she believed that what she was doing was the right thing to do. Continue reading Borderline Emotional Anaphylactic Reaction: Mindfulness and Acceptance →
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Release date October 1, 2009.
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Simon Baron-Cohen has been giving interviews about his new book The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty in which he discusses “mind-blindness” in autism and the lack of empathy in other disorders, including BPD. Here is the text of the interview he gave to Time magazine. I have added emphasis on the part that I find most “telling” about BPD. I have to disagree though that people with BPD have zero empathy. They can behave that way at times, but people with BPD can exhibit a lot of empathy and compassion when their motivation is not IAAHF, pain avoidance or threat reaction. When their emotions become reflective, rather than reflexive, the empathy come through.
Mind Reading: Psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen on Empathy and the Science of Evil
By MAIA SZALAVITZ Monday, May 30, 2011
Cambridge psychology professor and leading autism expert Simon Baron-Cohen is best known for studying the theory that a key problem in autistic disorders is “mind blindness,” difficulty understanding the thoughts, feelings and intentions of others. He’s also known for positing the “extreme male brain” concept of autism, which suggests that exposure to high levels of testosterone in the womb can cause the brain to focus on systematic knowledge and patterns more than on emotions and connection with others. (Oh, and yes, he’s also the cousin of British comedian Sacha “Borat” Baron Cohen.)
Baron-Cohen’s new book, The Science of Evil: On Empathy and the Origins of Cruelty, examines the role of empathy, the ability to understand and care about the emotions of others, not only in autism but in conditions like psychopathy in which lack of care for others leads to antisocial and destructive behavior.
What do you mean when you write about “zero negative” empathy?
Zero empathy refers to people at the extremely low end of the scale. They tend to be people with personality disorders, particularly antisocial personality disorder (ASPD). I focus quite a lot on psychopathy [the extreme form of ASPD] and also on two other personality disorders, borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.
The ‘negative’ is meant to be shorthand for this being negative for the individual but also for the people around them. It’s meant to contrast with what I call ‘zero positive’ empathy, which effectively describes the autistic spectrum.
[Autistic people] struggle with empathy just like zero negatives but it seems to be for very different reasons. I’m arguing that their low empathy is a result of a particular cognitive style, which is attentive to details and patterns or rules, which in shorthand, I call systemizing.
If we think about the autism spectrum as involving a very strong drive to systemize, that can have very positive consequences for the individual and for society. The downside is that when you try to systemize certain parts of the world like people and emotions, those sorts of phenomena are less lawful and harder to systemize. That can lead to having low empathy, almost like a byproduct of strong systemizing.
How do you account for people who are both highly empathetic and highly systematic, such as some of those with Asperger’s who are actually oversensitive to the emotions of others?
I’ve certainly come across subgroups like that. There are people with Asperger’s whom I’ve met who certainly would be very upset to learn they’d hurt another person’s feelings. They often have very strong moral consciences and moral codes. They care about not hurting people. They may not always be aware [that they've said something rude or hurtful], but if it’s pointed out, they would want to do something about it.
Continue reading Simon Baron-Cohen discusses empathy and the science of evil →
By (author) Simon Baron-Cohen
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 Mindfulness Thanks to truerecovery.org for an excellent summary of the skill of core mindfulness from DBT:
States of Mind
Reasonable Mind — This is when we’re viewing things logically and rationally. We consider thing analytically, and with calm, but without necessarily factoring in how we feel about things.
Emotion Mind — In this state, we view things emotionally. Our preference and desires. We tend to be more easily swayed in this state, and are more likely to reach for dysfunctional behaviors and coping mechanisms.
Wise Mind — This is our goal in Mindfulness. In this state, we consider things logically and rationally, while factoring in our likes, dislikes and desires; our feelings.
Mindfulness “What” skills
Observe — Look at things as the bare experience. Focus on what’s there. Allow yourself to see everything that’s there using all five senses. Allow your thoughts, judgments and feelings about the experience to go.
Describe — Put the experience to words. Describe everything about the experience, even those things you may consider unimportant.
Participate — Consciously and actively participate in the experience. Don’t just be an idle observer. This is your life, your experience… step inside and be part of it.
Mindfulness “How” skills
Non-Judgmentally — Separate the bare facts from your thoughts, judgments, opinions and feelings. “A driver is honking his horn behind you” are bare facts, “The driver behind you is mad at you” includes judgments, we are just assuming he’s angry, and we’re just assuming his honk is a message to you.
One-Mindfully — Focus all your attention to every task you do. When you’re driving, drive. When you shower, shower. When you talk with someone, talk with them. Put everything you have into everything you do, one thing at a time.
Effectively — Do things to get things done effectively, don’t worry about doing them the “right” way. What are you trying to accomplish? What does the situation call for? What will work in this situation? Keep past experiences and resentments out of the picture. Reach your goal as effectively as you can.
Article about Dr. Richard Davidson and the brain science of happiness…
Scientist inspired by Dalai Lama studies happiness
MADISON, Wis. – After hearing about his cutting-edge research on the brain and emotions through mutual friends, the Dalai Lama invited Richard Davidson to his home in India in 1992 to pose a question.
Scientists often study depression, anxiety and fear, but why not devote your work to the causes of positive human qualities like happiness and compassion? the exiled Tibetan spiritual leader asked.
“I couldn’t give him a good answer,” recalled Davidson, a University of Wisconsin-Madison neuroscientist.
Since then, Davidson has become a partner in the Dalai Lama’s attempts to build a connection between Buddhism and western science. This weekend, the Dalai Lama will mark the opening of the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the university’s Waisman Center, where more than a dozen researchers will study the science behind positive qualities of mind. Davidson said the center will be the only one in the world with a meditation room next to a brain imaging laboratory.
Davidson’s research has used brain imaging technology on Buddhist monks and other veteran practitioners of meditation to try to learn how their training affects mental health.
His team’s findings suggest meditation and other “contemplative practices” can improve compassion, empathy, kindness and attention. They support the concept that even adult brains can change through experience and learning.
“He’s made some interesting discoveries about meditation, and I think he is doing very good science,” said John Wiley, who was university chancellor from 2001 to 2008 and is interim director of the Wisconsin Institutes for Discovery.
Initially, “a significant number of his colleagues around the world were suspicious and thought that it wasn’t adequately grounded in hard science,” Wiley said. “He’s proved them wrong.”
The appearance comes as the Dalai Lama has spent more time promoting research into traditional Buddhist meditative practices and urging scientists to help create a more ethical and peaceful world.
Davidson, named one of Time magazine’s most 100 influential people in 2006, will appear with the Dalai Lama at scientific events five times this year.
“His relationship with the Dalai Lama lends a great deal of public influence to the hard science that he does,” said David Addiss, a former Centers for Disease Control official who now works at the Fetzer Institute, a Michigan nonprofit that gave Davidson a $2.5 million grant.
Yet Davidson’s relationship with the Dalai Lama remains controversial. When he invited the Dalai Lama to speak at a 2005 neuroscience conference, dozens of researchers signed a petition in protest.
Some of the criticism appeared motivated by Chinese researchers who disagree politically with the Dalai Lama’s stance on Tibet. Others said it was an inappropriate mix of faith with science.
Davidson, who meditates every morning but does not consider himself a practicing Buddhist, has also been criticized for being too close to someone with an interest in the outcome of his research.
Davidson said the Dalai Lama’s commitment to science is remarkable for a religious leader of his stature, and notes that the Dalai Lama has said he is prepared to give up any part of Buddhism that is contradicted by scientific fact.
“He also is the first one to point out the limitations of meditation and how it’s not a cure all and be all for everything and has very limited effects on health,” Davidson said.
Davidson is ready to test his research in real-world situations. The center plans to begin training local fifth-grade teachers next fall to cultivate skills like patience and relaxation among their students.
“We’re really intrigued with his research that shows students can learn how to relax so they can focus more on learning,” said Sue Abplanalp, assistant superintendent for elementary schools in the Madison public schools.
By RYAN J. FOLEY Associated Press Writer
Here is some quotes from a website that tells of anger and mindfulness:
All this material is from “Peace is Every Step” by Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who
is one of humanity’s greatest spiritual resources. He was, among other things, responsible for getting Martin Luther King to come out against the Vietnam War (a very controversial move for him at the time). King nominated him for the Nobel Peace Prize for his work (unfortunately futile) for peace in Vietnam. He is the author of *numerous* books, all of them lovely and wonderful, among them “Being Peace” and “The Miracle of Mindfulness”. Here’s some of what he has to say about anger:
“Anger is an unpleasant feeling. It is like a blazing flame
that burns up our self-control and causes us to say and do
things that we regret later. When someone is angry, we can see
clearly that he or she is abiding in hell. Anger and hatred
are the materials from which hell is made. A mind without
anger is cool, fresh and sane. The absence of anger is the
basis of real happiness, the basis of love and compassion.
When our anger is placed under the lamp of mindfulnes, it
immediately begins to lose some of its destructive nature. We
can say to ourselves, ‘Breathing in, I know that anger is in
me. Breathing out, I know that I am my anger.’ If we follow
our breathing closely while we identify and mindfully observe
our anger, it can no longer monopolize our consciousness.
Awareness can be called upon to be a companion for our
anger. Our awareness of our anger does not suppress it or
drive it out. It just looks after it. This is a very
important principle. Mindfulness is not a judge. it is more
like an older sister looking after and comforting her younger
sister in an affectionate and caring way. We can concentrate
on our breathing in order to maintain this mindfulness and
know ourselves fully.
When we are angry, we are not usually inclined to return to
ourselves. We want to think about the person who is making us
angry, to think about his hateful aspects – his rudeness,
dishonesty, cruelty, maliciousness, and so on. The more we
think about him, listen to him, or look at him, the more our
anger flares. His dishonesty and hatefulness may be real,
imaginary, or exaggerated, but, in fact, the root of the
problem is the anger itself, and we have to come back and look
first of all inside ourselves. It is best if we do not listen
to or look at the person who is the cause of our anger. Like
a fireman, we have to pour water on the blaze first and not
waste time looking for the one who set the house on fire…
When we are angry, our anger is our very self. To suppress
or chase it away is to suppress or chase away our self. When
we are joyful, we are the joy. When we are angry, we are the
anger. When anger is born in us, we can be aware that anger
is an energy in us, and we can accept that energy in order to
transform it into another kind of energy. When we have a
compost bin filled with organic material that is decomposing
and smelly, we know that we can transform the waste into
beautiful flowers… We need the insight and non-dual vision
of the organic gardener with respect to our anger. We need not
be afraid of it or reject it. We know that anger can be a
kind of compost, and that it is within its power to give birth
to something beautiful. We need anger the way an organic
gardener needs compost. If we know how to accept our anger, we
already have some peace and joy. Gradually we can transform
anger completely into peace, love and understanding.
Expressing anger is not always the best way to deal with
it. In expressing anger we might be practicing or rehearsing
it, and making it stronger in the depth of our consciousness.
Expressing anger to the person we are angry at can cause a lot
of damage.
Some of us may prefer to go into our room, lock the door,
and punch a pillow. We call this “getting in touch with our
anger”. But I don’t think this is getting in touch with our
anger at all. In fact, I don’t think it is even getting in
touch with our pillow. If we are really in touch with our
pillow, we know what a pillow is and we won’t hit it. Still,
this technique may work temporarily because while pounding the
pillow we expend a lot of energy and after a while we are
exhausted and we feel better. But the roots of the anger are
still intact, and if we go out and eat some nourishing food,
our energy will be renewed. If the seeds of our anger are
watered again, our anger will be reborn and we will have to
pound the pillow again…
…In order to have real transformation, we have to deal
with the roots of our anger – looking deeply into its causes.
If we don’t, the seeds of anger will grow again. If we
practice mindful living, planting new, healthy, wholesome
seeds, they will take care of our anger, and they may
transform it without our asking them to do so.”
So here is Thich Nhat Hanh’s anger meditation:
“When anger arises, we may wish to go outside to practice
walking meditation. The fresh air, green trees and plants will
help us greatly. We can practice like this:
Breathing in, I know that anger is here.
Breathing out, I know that the anger is in me.
Breathing in, I know that anger is unpleasant.
Breathing out, I know this feeling will pass.
Breathing in, I am calm.
Breathing out, I am strong enough to take care of this
anger.
To lessen the unpleasant feeling brought about by the anger,
we give our whole heart and mind to the practice of walking
meditation, combining our breath with our steps and giving
full attention to the contact between the soles of our feet
and the earth…After a while, our anger will subside and we
will feel stronger. Then we can begin to observe the anger
directly and try to understand it.
I have discovered some resources on the web that may help those with BPD (and those nons who are in a relationship with someone with BPD). These resources are:
Mass General Hospital Mood Charting (thanks to Tides…)
DBT Skills Help:
Emotional Regulation Skills… from dbtselfhelp.com … from Borderline Personality From the Inside Out
Mindfulness Skills… from dbtselfhelp.com
Distress Tolerance Skills… from dbtselfhelp.com
Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills… from dbtselfhelp.com
DBT Family Skills Training… from middle-path.org
You can gain access to more DBT resources, to other pertinent files, and to advice from me and other group members by joining the ATSTP (Anything to Stop the Pain) Google Email List.
 Several years ago I read Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh (see Reading List for purchasing this book). I have often found a quote on the Internet in quote databases and such from this book which says:
Hope is important, because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear.
But the funny thing is, this quote is taken out of context. This quote is from a longer one called “Hope as an Obstacle.” A more complete quote is this one (emphasis is mine):
Hope is important, because it can make the present moment less difficult to bear. If we believe that tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today. But that is the most that hope can do for us – to make some hardship lighter. When I think deeply about the nature of hope, I see something tragic. Since we cling to our hope in the future, we do not focus our energies and capabilities on the present moment. We use hope to believe something better will happen in the future, that we will arrive at peace, or the Kingdom of God. Hope becomes a kind of obstacle. If you can refrain from hoping, you can bring yourself entirely into the present moment and discover the joy that is already here.
Enlightenment, peace, and joy will not be granted by someone else. The well is within us, and if we dig deeply in the present moment, the water will spring forth. We must go back to the present moment in order to be really alive. When we practice conscious breathing, we practice going back to the present moment where everything is happening.
Western civilization places so much emphasis on the idea of hope that we sacrifice the present moment. Hope is for the future. It cannot help us discover joy, peace, or enlightenment in the present moment. Many religions are based on the notion of hope, and this teaching about refraining from hope may create a strong reaction. But the shock can bring about something important. I do not mean that you should not have hope, but that hope is not enough. Hope can create an obstacle for you, and if you dwell in the energy of hope, you will not bring yourself back entirely into the present moment. If you re-channel those energies into being aware of what is going on in the present moment, you will be able to make a breakthrough and discover joy and peace right in the present moment, inside of yourself and all around you.
- Peace Is Every Step (1991)
In the context of BPD, I take this as hoping for something to happen which will not happen without recognizing the current situation. In other words, you are hoping for something you wish to happen while ignore what actually IS. I would suggest that in this context hope is a form of “magic thinking” or “wishful thinking” and, without work and practice of effective skills, that hope is empty. Acceptance of the current situation is the first step toward change.
 Ruminating is the name I have given to the propensity of BPs to have “worry thoughts” about events and to turn them over-and-over in their mind. These events are usually in the past, although sometimes they can be about the possibly of future events linked with past events. Ruminating is an extended form of worry and anxiety in which the sufferer will examine events with an eye to find malignant intentions of others or judgments of themselves. Ruminating can lead to paranoia regarding the intentions of others.
When emotionally dysregulated a person with BPD is experiencing strong emotions in the moment, but the meaning of those emotions is almost always linked to something in the past that they are angry about or something in the future that they fear. This is an aspect of “ruminating.” It is a thought pattern that turns things over-and-over in their mind, looking for danger or embarrassment in situations. It is very “not in the moment.”
Often, the ruminating will extend over long periods of time, from hours to days, and will cause the person with BPD to look for hostile meanings to interactions with others. During this “search for meaning” the person with BPD may ask others about what they meant by certain actions or words while clearly implying that the BP believes that the other person is judging them or angry at them. Ruminating is a form of personalization and fear of judgment. The person with BPD will likely feel that situations which are not “about them” are, in fact, not only “about them” but are exclusively about how they feel about the situation.
Ruminating can lead to emotional reasoning – the situation in which a person’s feelings equal actual facts. If they feel that there is a malicious intent or a negative judgment in a given situation, there MUST be one and ruminating is a method of finding this negative and/or judgmental meaning. Ruminating most often occurs when a person with BPD either has time on their hands or is bored. It also can occur as the person with BPD tries and fails to fall asleep.
Ruminating can be combated with distraction with something the BP enjoys and engages their mind. Physical activities are a good salve for ruminating. Mindfulness, which is a component of DBT, also helps stop ruminating because the point of mindfulness is to be “in the moment” and not consider past or future events.
Here is a link to a podcast interview with Dr. Marsha Linehan, the inventor of DBT. It is amazing. It has many technical, therapist-focused things in it, but it is definitely worth listening to: Marsha Linehan Interview
You can read the transcript here.
I found this in the Amazon blog of the guy who was the editor of the
Mindfulness and Acceptance book…
(snip)
Acceptance, mindfulness, values – how do we use them in dealing with
our emotions? We need to:
Learn to accept our feelings, without being dictated to by them and
without quickly acting to remove ones we do not like. Trying to get
rid of feelings only drives them underground, while simultaneously
giving them more capacity to control behavior without our awareness.
Acceptance of emotion requires another step, however.
Learn to watch our thoughts, without reflexively adopting the
worldview mindlessly structured by them. Thoughts are easily
programmed, and they are nothing to be right about – or wrong about.
They are just thoughts. Some of those thoughts will not be attractive,
because they are constantly being programmed by sources we do not
control. We will hear in our own minds the echoes of judgment, bias or
prejudice to which we are exposed nearly every day.
The point is not to “feel bad” about the existence of such thoughts in
our heads, nor to feel self-righteous about the thoughts that we agree
with – the point is to be more conscious, open and flexible in how we
translate thoughts into action. Knowing how to do that requires a
final step.
While staying aware of our feelings and thoughts, make mindful choices
about what we’ll actually do based on chosen values. Our emotions are
a legacy of our entire development as a species, and our thoughts are
an echo of our history. Fear, anger and desire are part of the human
condition. They can sensitize us to what is going on in the moment -
but we have to learn how to have them without being had by them.
The emotional imperative of “now” is just too automatic and mindless
to be trusted. We need to learn to be guided by our values and
choices, not just our emotional and cognitive programming. Human
beings are the only animals who can interpose mindful awareness and
values-based choice between urges and actions. Now, more than ever,
that is what we need.
If we do not learn how to be wiser, we have a difficult road ahead of
us as a species: expanding waistlines and expanding hate; indulgence
and suppression; rigidity and loss of control. Feel-goodism meets the
technologically expanded capacity for dehumanization. All linked to
the demand to change the emotion now.
We are conscious beings riding in a primitive emotional vehicle
programmed for another day and time. That vehicle is careering down a
mountain road with only a prayer to save us. Unless we learn to drive.
(unsnip)
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