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“Much of it comes from self-destructive behaviors that are used to stop the horrible pain of dysphoria; anxiety, rage, depression and despair. When an individual behaves out-of-control, in a manner that’s inconsistent with their beliefs or normal choices, terrible self-hate develops. Additionally many individuals had low self-esteem and related problems since childhood and are in an environment that causes self-hate to flourish.” – from the interview
Bon: I found an interview with Dr. Leland Heller about Borderline Personality Disorder. He does a good job explaining the pain associated with the disorder… Here are some excerpts. The entire interview can be read here.
Diagnosing Borderline Personality Disorder And Finding Treatment That Works
Dr Heller: Good evening, It’s great to be here. I have a way of explaining the Borderline Personality Disorder in layman’s terms that might be useful. It’s how I explain it to patients and their families.
Imagine you had a pet dog and it runs into the street and by accident it’s hit by a car. The dog’s leg is broken and it limps off into an alley to lick it’s wounds. A friend of yours sees the dog and comes over to help. The dog is now feeling trapped and cornered – a “wounded animal” – and misinterprets the friend’s attempts to help. The dog snaps at the friend’s hand who is trying to help. The BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is a malfunction in the brain’s trapped or “cornered” animal area. Under stress, a seizure develops in that area. That’s why under stress, while raging, a borderline will say to him or herself: “Why am I doing this” – yet be unable to stop it. It’s a seizure – nerve cells firing inappropriately and out of control.
David: And the cause of Borderline Personality Disorder?
Dr Heller: The BPD has many causes including head trauma and brain infections, but it appears that emotional hurts literally damage the brain. Most likely the brain’s support cells – the 90% of brain cells called “glial cells” – are damaged by traumas, causing the person to overreact to stress once puberty strikes. During puberty the brain’s limbic system goes into “overdrive” and adolescents are at their highest risk of seizures in their lifetime. “Sticks and stones may break my bones…but names cause brain damage.” So does incest, abuse, severe trauma, head injuries, attention deficit disorder, and other causes.
David: From my understanding, one of the biggest difficulties facing individuals who have BPD is maintaining stable relationships. This is a great cause of consternation for those people who are on the other side of the relationship. What causes this?
Dr Heller: There are a number of problems. The three most significant are 1) inappropriate mood swings; 2) misinterpretation of motives; and 3) remembering those misinterpreted motives as real. Oftentimes self-fulfilling prophecies occur, and self-hate eventually leads to a significant other coming to the same conclusion – that the individual isn’t worth being with.
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janet: Would you please tell us more about the self-hate characteristic and how that damages the BPD or his/her relationships?
Dr Heller: Much of it comes from self-destructive behaviors that are used to stop the horrible pain of dysphoria; anxiety, rage, depression and despair. When an individual behaves out-of-control, in a manner that’s inconsistent with their beliefs or normal choices, terrible self-hate develops. Additionally many individuals had low self-esteem and related problems since childhood and are in an environment that causes self-hate to flourish.
crazy32810: How is self-injury related to BPD?
Dr Heller: We all injure ourselves to stop noxious neurological sensations. Interestingly we do it in a linear manner, ripping the skin. A common noxious neurological sensation is the toxins released with an insect bite. BPD dysphoria is about as bad as it gets. The pain is horrible. Many individuals have broken major bones and declared the pain of the fracture was nowhere as severe as dysphoria. When an individual with the BPD discovers that self-mutilation, or other techniques of self injury, work to temporarily stop the pain of dysphoria – they’ll do what it takes to stop it. This is no different than the individual with a fracture wants pain medication. I broke my shoulder last December and I tried to deal with it without taking narcotics. I was foolish and wrong. The pain was so bad it needed to be treated medically. Once individuals with the BPD have their chronic symptoms stabilized, and have safe medication options that work for dysphoria, the self-destructive patterns are no longer needed to stop their pain.
One of my twitter followers posted the original Daily Star article about Amy Winehouse and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Of course, I’d had Amy on my Celebrities with Possible BPD list for many years. If you want to read all of my articles about Amy Winehouse click here. I have no idea why the title includes ‘Mental Illness’ in quotes. Maybe it was because they were quoting the relative or maybe it brings up the question as to whether BPD is an actual mental illness. Here is the text of the article (and my comments below):
TRAGIC AMY WINEHOUSE HAD ‘MENTAL ILLNESS’
TROUBLED Amy Winehouse suffered from an undiagnosed mental illness, a relative has revealed.
The talented soul singer could have been struck down by the little-known Borderline Personality Disorder.
Sufferers have feelings of anger, emptiness, shame and guilt and become emotionally volatile.
And it can also push them into substance abuse and eating disorders, both of which Amy succumbed to.
Yesterday a member of the Back To Black star’s family said: “It was never diagnosed, because unfortunately she would never agree to a proper diagnosis.
“I’m not an expert, but from what I’ve read on Borderline Personality Disorder it kind of fitted with her.”
Meanwhile Amy’s dad Mitch, 61, said he wished his daughter, who died in July aged 27, had sought counselling.
He said: “She never stopped trying.
“She hated the way she was when she was drunk and when she was ill.
“And you know, the way I look at it, she died trying.
“She didn’t give up. She died trying to make her- self better.”
This article, although short, points out several interesting things about people with BPD. Since there’s no guarantee she had it, I’m going to generalize a bit. First of all, it is tragic that BPD is “little known” because it is much more prevalent than bipolar disorder. The article says: “Sufferers have feelings of anger, emptiness, shame and guilt and become emotionally volatile. And it can also push them into substance abuse and eating disorders, both of which Amy succumbed to.” This is very true. A person in extreme emotional pain will do anything to stop the pain. The article ends with “She died trying to make her- self better.” I’d like to amend that statement to “She died trying to make feel her-self better.” That’s the nature of the disorder and that’s what many non-BPDs do not understand. It’s all about his/her feelings (IAAHF) and not about controlling, manipulating or calling for attention.
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A while back I received a comment on the article Four Reasons Bipolar is Accepted and Borderline Personality Disorder is Not that was apparently re-posted on a forum for people with BPD. It turns out that many of the people with BPD identified with this comment (more than my post actually). So, I thought I’d re-post this comment as a blog post so that people can read it (in a highlighted sort of way):
I do not think that lying and manipulation are part of this diagnosis. If they seem to be present, look either to another PD or to shame and anxiety as the cause, along with a long history of learning to never overtly state what you needed to be okay, or to express how rotten you felt, as the consequences always seemed to be much worse…
Sometimes it seems as if people hate those that are dx BPD precisely because they haven’t quite gone off the deep end for good. It’s bewildering how many professionals seem to resent them for this too.
They may curl up in a fetal position for hours, but then they will struggle out of bed and go on. They smile at us, while their inner world self-destructs. They might seem as alive as anyone, but -in the best of times- they feel dead inside; and as intelligent and gifted as many of them are, they never realize their full potential. But they would rather die than admit this to the outside world.
Who would today be dx’d BPD? Vincent Van Gogh, Kafka, Proust, Nathanial West, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison…
It’s ironic that they are so often seen as “emotional” when what they lack is a full nuanced range of emotions. Inner tension keeps anxiety coiled, emotionally stressful situations release it, and before they have a chance to think through what they feel, they are overwhelmed by fear and anger and despair. They get mired in their negativity. Studies have shown that those with BPD do not get angry more often than anyone else, but they have trouble leaving it behind when they do. And afterwards they drown in remorse, because these reactions are NOT felt to be syntonic. No one seems to pay much attention to this, but all other “personality disorders” are understood to be PD’s because they are syntonic with the personality. This is radically different in BPD.
That right there should raise lots of doubts about what this dx is. Is it part of the affective disorder spectrum? Is a akin to partial seizures in frontal lobe epilepsy? Is it a developmental disorder akin to autism? This is all possible, and perhaps BPD is a dx given to many different people who do not share underlying causes. This should at least stop us from quickly claiming that they CHOSE to feel the way they do. As if they were hell bent on living in hell…
When they do awkwardly, fearfully, try to communicate this pain, when they do reach out for help, they generally do so when their psyche is at it’s most shattered. They will quickly learn that their behavior is not acceptable to anyone. So they’ll go through DBT or through some other behavioral therapy, and sink into so much shame and guilt that lo and behold they will no longer qualify on the DSM for BPD; they will have learned to suffer in silence and to isolate (if they haven’t before – many of those with BPD will never consult a therapist in their lifetime and go through life pretty much invisible), learned to not bother anyone, but the dysthymia, the insomnia, and the dysphoria will still be there, eroding their lives, their aliveness. And as hard as they try, fear will still strike them out of the blue when they least expect it. As hard as they try, they will still plummet down into misery with the least negative emotion. Skinless creatures, they can not tune out human suffering, they can do nothing about the heightened sensitivity that they were born with. Only now no one will know. And so hopefully, thankfully, no one will ever call them “Borderline” again.
People with BPD are in a great deal of emotional pain. Since emotions are immediate and primal, emotional pain is also immediate and primal. As I have said, emotions represent a land-bridge between the body and the mind. Emotional pain manifests itself in both mental and physical ways. If you have ever been depressed or “fraught with grief” over the loss of something or someone important to you, you will know what I am saying in this regard.
Depression and grief can be a trying experience for anyone. You feel pain in every area of your body and mind. Sometimes you will just want to retreat to your bedroom and go to sleep for hours, just to get some relief from the physical and mental anguish you feel. The sleep represents a distraction of both the mind and the body from the experience of complete pain. You might also use alcohol to relieve the pain by “turning off your mind.” Many people “drink themselves into a stupor” and, in doing so, extinguish the pain for a short period. Pain-killers, whether over-the-counter or prescription, can also remove pain by working on the pain at its source (in the brain where pain is actually felt). Once, when I was asked by one of my daughters about how the Tylenol knew to go to her foot (which was in pain), rather than to her head (because she’d taken it for headaches before), I explained that it acts in the brain where she feels the pain, not where the pain actually “is.” In the case of emotional pain, the pain seems to be both in the body and in the mind, but the pain-feeling area of the brain is where these drugs act. See below about substance abuse.
People with BPD are likely to feel emotional pain many times a day every day. Since these emotions are basic (like fear, sadness and anger) the reactions to them are both physical and mental. These emotional pain-states are powerful and have the ability to overpower rational thinking. When you are in pain, regardless of the source, the main reaction of the body and mind is to get out of or to relieve the pain as soon as possible and by whatever means necessary. I used the example of someone who is literally on fire. This person will try to douse the flames in any way, without thinking about the people around her and what harm may come to others if the flames spread. This situation is analogous to a person in deep emotional pain. The person will do anything to stop the pain, which is why my Internet site and Internet list are called “anything to stop the pain” (ATSTP). This “anything” includes self-destructive and relationship-damaging behaviors. Continue reading Ask Bon: Why does my loved one with BPD do such dangerous things? (like cutting, drugs, etc.) →
 Judgment Hurts those with BPD A person with BPD fears judgment almost to the point of being allergic to it. She is extremely sensitive to judgment from other people, even if that judgment is merely perceived. Because of the shame (the belief that she is a bad person and deserves to be deemed as such) and the rejection sensitivity, a person with BPD avoids situations in which her actions can be judged by others. When I say “judged” here and “judgment,” what I am referring to is not “using one’s better judgment” in a situation, but rather it is the sense that a person’s actions or the person herself can be judged as “right or wrong” in a given context.
Interestingly, even with a strong fear of judgment of herself and her own behavior and self, she also tends to judge other’s behavior and character harshly. How many times has your loved one with BPD told you that you were doing something “wrong” or that you are a “mean” or “bad” person?
Fear of judgment and emotional reactions to judgment (real or perceived) is a major issue for a person with BPD. Judgment of her actions causes emotional pain and to avoid judgment, she might lie or avoid social situations in which she feels she will be judged. If she is consistently concerned with doing something “the right way” or she feels that you think she “does everything wrong,” it is likely that she suffers from a fear of judgment.
Additionally, there is a stigma associated with being “crazy” when a person has BPD. A person with BPD might feel “not normal” inside and might have felt that way most of her life. However, if the outside world labels as “crazy” or “not normal” or “mentally ill,” it becomes an external validation for what she might already feel. The fact that others “know” about her can make her feel exposed. It is a form of judgment and fear of it that reduces the likelihood that the person will “admit” she has a problem.
 Rage burns and burns In the support groups, rage is one of the most talked about aspects of BPD. Why? Because it is one of the most difficult for the Non-BPD to endure. Many people ask themselves, why is this person so angry (with me)? It seems to make no sense. A person with BPD will fly into a rage about seemingly nothing. The smallest thing that is out of place or not done the way that this person expects causes sometimes hours of anger and raging, yelling and screaming and sometimes physical violence. Again, many Nons ask: “what’s up with that?”
Anger and rage are usually secondary emotions to other primary ones. Sensitivity to judgment plays a major role in the triggering of rage. The symptoms and feelings associated with BPD interact and, at times, feed each other. In the case of rage, I believe that it is fed by two other symptoms: shame and sensitivity to judgment (which is also fed by shame).
When someone with BPD feels shameful and when you (as a “Non”) criticize or judge her behavior as “bad” or “negative,” the trigger for rage is pulled within the person with BPD. Why? Because your judgment reflects her shameful feelings and resonates deeply into her core beliefs about herself. She panics that you are “finding out” that she is a bad person. She has to (at all costs) defend her “goodness.” What I have found with my own borderline is that this is the point at which she will rage and introduce the “what about you?” argument. The “what about you?” argument is a way to rage at the Non and release anxiety about the Non finding out about her shameful “badness.” Some people in the support community like to call this “projection” or “denial.” I personally don’t believe it is actually projection or denial (although there are times in which projection is clearly there). It is a form of misdirection to try to take the focus off their inner shame and refocus the discussion on you and your faults.
Nobody is perfect, not even you. When a person with BPD rages against you, you often feel very imperfect – especially if she uses the “what about you?” attack. When someone with BPD uses the “what about you?” technique she is usually deflecting blame and judgment on you. However, you experience the rage as hurtful to your very self. You find that the rage “forces” you to defend yourself against her. That is what the “what about you?” attack/rage does best. That is its intention; it puts you on the defensive and shifts focus away from her and her behavior. As I said, it is form of redirection away from the person with BPD’s shame.
One interesting thing about raging is that once the anger and raging is done, it is usually over. Sometimes the person with BPD will be exhausted after the rage and will just collapse and go to sleep. The same is the case with tired children. Sometimes a tired child will have a temper tantrum (which is a form of rage) and then, once the emotions are released, she will either go to sleep or sit placidly in your arms. The inner agitation has been released and she is done.
Adapted from the FAQ from When Hope is Not Enough
Today is the 5th anniversary of the Anything to Stop the Pain support list. After over 50,000 messages and 600+ members, it is still going strong. The ATSTP list is offered for free to non-BPDs. In honor of this momentous occasion, I will clip a response from me to a list member. Any personal details have been removed. The only thing blog readers need to know is that this man’s wife has been diagnosed with BPD and is asking him for a divorce. We also have a couple of recovered borderlines on this list and they are a valuable resource (as is noted here):
I believe that there is no right or wrong way to approach human emotions – there’s an effective way and an ineffective way and there are shades of grey in between those “polar” opposites. The effective way gets a positive outcome. That positive outcome is typically the return to baseline of the borderline and the establishment of a modicum of trust with others. One of the most important issues with borderlines seems to be the idea that they believe no one understands them (they feel “strange” – I said “broken” in WHINE, but I think that it was [a recovered borderline on the list] who clarified that it’s more like a “not feeling ‘normal’ and ‘fitting in’ feeling”), they can’t trust anyone with their emotions because many people have invalidated their feelings throughout their life and this leads to “silent desperation” and the inability to communicate effectively how they feel. If, through the use of my tools, you are able to gradually establish an environment in which your wife feels that she can safely express her emotions, which will go a long way toward establishing trust.
Secondly, you posted that you feel as through your feelings do not have a forum for airing and validation. Unfortunately for you, your wife sounds like a typical borderline. She is impulsive, she cuts, she abuses substances – especially painkillers. The divorce talk is probably born of either shame (“I will leave you before you leave me”) or of a feeling that she is being judged and/or disrespected (or not appreciated and accepted for whom she feels that she is). That leads to a certain mind-set that essentially makes her believe that, since no one has ever listened to her feelings before, she must dig in and hold on to her feelings as if she is the only person in the world. That is, “if I don’t fight for myself no one will”. This situation makes it difficult for you to express how you feel because she gets the message (even if it is not true): “YOU MADE me feel this way” because she thoroughly believes that about you. The reason she believes that you (and others, not just you) make her feel like she feels is that she is unable to self-regulate and looks to others to regulate her own emotionally states. When [a recovered borderline on the list] said something about her being more worried about what you think of her, she hit the nail on the head, because a borderline (and possibly for biological reasons) has a great deal of internal chaos and the usual strategy (also possibly biological) is to internalize other’s feelings and opinions about her self. It’s odd, yet I think that this dynamic is the one in which all the talk of not respecting boundaries arises. She feels at some level that you are actually a “part” of her, because she requires external validation. When that external validation turns to judgment, she has to cut you out of her mind. Sadly, she will continue to seek others (particularly men) to self-regulate until she can self-regulate.
As for IAAHF (“It’s all about his/her feelings”), one thing that many people read into that is that EVERY interpersonal situation is about her feelings and that she will not EVER be able to empathize with yours. This is neither the intent of IAAHF or the case. Borderlines are really empathetic (really no kidding they can be) but only when they are not on fire internally and emotionally. The intent of IAAHF is to EXPLAIN the “crazy” behavior, not to make a blanket statement about the relationship. When asked “why would she cut herself?” (for example) the answer is IAAHF. She’s in pain and the cutting helps alleviate that pain. Or asked “why is she raging at me over nothing?” (which happened to me the other night, presumably out of the blue). The answer is IAAHF.
Reinforcement, especially positive reinforcement, is a powerful teaching tool. You could more accurately say “training” tool. You have probably used reinforcement in your life without even realizing it. Consider potty training. If you have ever potty-trained (or as many modern texts call it “toilet taught”) a toddler, you know how difficult that task can be. However, all kids eventually learn to use the potty – I don’t know of a case of a kid going into high school without knowing how to use the potty.
Potty training provides an excellent example of positive reinforcement and the ignoring of “backsliding.” That is the essence of this tool. When you teach a child to use the potty, you make a BIG positive deal about it when it is successful. The first time you see the poop in the potty, what happens? Typically, the parent praises the child, positively reinforcing the behavior in a way that is out-of-proportion with the accomplishment. You may say, “Yeah! You did it! That’s fantastic! Good Job!” and clap your hands and cheer. You also will tend to do it within seconds of the completed behavior. That is where positive reinforcement differs with general praise. Praise can be given much after the fact and can be bestowed for a number of reasons, including character traits. That is, you could say, “Wow, you are so smart” after your child receives a 100% grade on a math test. That is praise. (Although I’m not sure it is effective, but that is not the topic at hand). Positive reinforcement is for behaviors and should occur right when the behavior is completed. That is how animals are trained. The positive reinforcement (feeding, for example) occurs within seconds of the completed behavior so that the two can be connected in the mind of the animal. Continue reading Reinforcement and “Behaving Better” →
This feature is a new one that I have added to my “model” of BPD. I added it because I was attending the International Society for the Study of Personality Disorders (ISSPD) and listened to Dr. John Gunderson present a detailed model of his experience with BPD. The purpose of the presentation was to present a “real world” clinical model of BPD from the viewpoint of someone with many years of experience treating the disorder. One of the features that Dr. Gunderson provided was this “preoccupation with attachments.”
I believe this feature is born of an unstable sense of self. A person with BPD has difficulty “locating herself in the world.” While two of the other “core” features of BPD are “systems related” (meaning, those features are based on subsystems of the mind – the emotional regulation system, the impulsivity control system), shame and the preoccupation with interpersonal relationships are based more on a person with BPD’s view of herself. While it might seem that interpersonal relationships are outside of self, a more complex picture arises as we look more deeply into the mental configuration of BPD.
A recent study showed that the number one trigger of systems dysregulation (like wildly swinging emotions and impulsive behavior) is interpersonal distress. This interpersonal distress is more important as a trigger of dysregulated behavior than sweeping/major life changes – in fact major life changes, such as changing jobs, getting married, having a child – were ranked last of nine factors that trigger BPD distress. The interpersonal, moment-to-moment perception of the state of an important relationship is the most important trigger. That can be bad news for someone in a close relationship with someone with BPD. The person with BPD will be continuously scanning the interpersonal landscape for threats. Since shame is involved, people with BPD are likely to use others to regulate their internal systems and their self-view. In other words, a person with BPD uses others as a mirror to view their self.
Why is this so? I believe that a person with BPD’s lack of internal regulation causes her to internalize other people and use others to self-regulate. When someone has an inability to locate herself in the world, which very possibly arises from the emotional instability as a child, she seeks to have others locate her for her. She needs others to verify and validate that she’s “ok”. Unfortunately, because few of us are taught the language of emotional regulation, a person with BPD will likely learn that the interpersonal landscape is not safe; it is full of threats to their very self. It’s not an easy situation in which to live. If a person requires external validation and regulation, there develops a sense of a lack of control. Others are unpredictable, don’t understand how it feels and can damage the very core of her being.
People with BPD have described this internal feeling of emptiness and lack of internal controls as feeling “dead inside,” which is in itself, tragic. Extending this feeling to others through this preoccupation with close interpersonal relationships leaves a person with BPD with the feeling that others contribute to this unpleasant internal feeling. In other words, “it’s your fault that I feel this way.”
Many Non-BPD’s ask me why their loved ones with BPD don’t seem to trust them. To me, this aspect of BPD is a significant factor, along with other biological factors.
All of that being said, let’s suffice it to say that interpersonal relationships play a huge role in BPD. Social connections and attachments, including parent/child attachments, are the focus point of a person with BPD’s sense of well being. When these trigger dysregulation and/or ineffective modes of thinking and behavior, a person with BPD is lost in the world, floating free in a threatening sea of feelings, thoughts and behaviors.
One must understand that in order for the interpersonal tools to work properly, they need to be understood and applied in a step-wise fashion. I have often said to my list members that “you can’t boil the ocean” which means that you can’t jump to the end before you walk the path. You can’t do everything all at once. Instead, you have to take one small step at a time in a longer journey. The goal of all of my tools, attitudes, skills and approaches is (in my mind) a compassionate, trusting, respectful and two-way relationship in which both parties feel known, heard, understood and worthy. Achieving that goal is hitting a grand slam so to speak. Yet, I feel that a person must be given the fundamentals and practice those fundamentals before you can hit one out of the park. Emotions which are the first layer to unravel peel back from the onion that is BPD. Understanding emotions in oneself and others is vital to having a two-way relationship with someone with BPD.
When I saw this article come through the Google news alerts I thought: “Oh no, an article that’s going to say ‘she did it for attention’ because she has BPD and they are attention-seeking.” I was mightily surprised when I read the article and realized that here’s someone that actually knows what she’s talking about.
Why would Bethany Storro douse herself in acid? Experts try to explain
When news broke Thursday that a Vancouver woman admitted dousing herself with powerful acid, causing severe facial burns, one question reverberated:
Why would anyone do such a thing?
Friday, a leading researcher in the field of self-harm discounted theories that Bethany Storro, 28, was crying for attention, trying to manipulate others or attempting suicide.
“The biggest reason people do this,” said Kim L. Gratz, “is because it makes them feel better in the moment … It can really distract people from all the emotional pain that they’re feeling.”
Gratz, director of personality disorders research at University of Mississippi, is co-author of books on self-harm and borderline personality disorder. Before she was contacted by The Oregonian, Gratz hadn’t heard about Storro, 28, who told police an assailant threw acid in her face near Vancouver’sEsther Short Park on Aug. 30. Storro described the attack in detail, sending police searching for an African American woman in her 20s or 30s. A couple days later, before a crowd of reporters at Legacy Emanuel’s Oregon Burn Center, Storro said, “I have no enemies … I don’t get it.”
No one is sure how many people mutilate themselves each year; those who do typically hide it.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention put the number of emergency room visits for self-inflicted injury at 594,000 in 2006, the most recent data available. But the vast majority of people who intentionally hurt themselves don’t seek treatment, Gratz said, either because they don’t need medical attention or because they’ve become good at treating themselves.
“Our best estimate in adult populations,” she said, “is probably 4 percent … with much higher rates among adolescents and young adults.” Large-scale studies of college students around the world put rates of self-harm at 17 percent to 40 percent, she said. Incidence among females and males appears comparable.
The most common form of self-harm, or self-mutilation, as it’s also called, is by cutting; those who engage in the behavior frequently slice their arms, then wear long sleeves to hide the injuries.
Dr. Thomas Dodson said such patients describe a state in which they don’t feel any emotions. “They cut on themselves,” he said, “because they can’t tolerate a state of not feeling anything. It becomes habitual and relieves tension that they have.”
Dodson, a Southwest Portland psychiatrist, chairs the public information and education committee for the Oregon Psychiatric Association.
Beyond cutting, the list of self-harm behaviors is as long as it is gruesome, from burning to sticking the skin with needles, punching one’s self to banging the head or another body part repeatedly against hard surfaces. Use of acid, apparently, is rare.
The most typical diagnosis among self-harmers is borderline personality disorder, Gratz said. But the behavior also is associated with eating disorders, substance-use disorders, depression and anxiety.
If Storro has a diagnosed illness, it has not been publicly disclosed.
Self-harm is not a suicide try. Yet those who mutilate themselves are fragile, Gratz said, and are at higher risk of suicide than the general population.
Gratz has no idea what might have triggered Storro to hurt herself, but life transitions, always increase stress, she said. Storro recently divorced and moved from Idaho to Vancouver to live with her parents. She had just started a new job at Safeway.
The best treatment for self-harm, Gratz said, was developed by University of Washington’s Marsha M. Linehan, a psychology professor. Called dialectical behavior therapy, it involves a year of intensive psychotherapy, plus weekly group sessions in which patients learn to regulate emotions, tolerate distress, be more mindful of and negotiate relationships better. DBT, for short, includes telephone coaching, so therapists can help patients whenever a problem arises, and a consultation team offering peer support for the therapists themselves.
The method is the treatment of choice for borderline personality disorder.
At Portland Dialectical Behavior Therapy Program on Southwest Macadam Avenue, Tracy Jendritza, a psychologist on staff, estimated that half the clinic’s patients have engaged in self harm.
“People get so dysregulated emotionally that there’s something about self harm that actually calms people down,” Jendritza said. “Initially they feel better but in the long term it makes things worse.”
Self harm, Gratz said, frequently goes hand in hand with shame and feeling alone. She figures that Storro has landed in that deep well.
“My guess is that she’s experiencing incredible shame” since police learned the truth about the attack. “It’s so public … I’m sure she’s in a much more intense state of distress” than she was before applying the acid that burned the skin off her beautiful face.
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