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Saving yourself from Cognitive Distortions
Some time ago I posted a list of Cognitive Distortions. I never posted the “antidotes” to these until now. Here they are: 1. Identify The Distortion: Write down your negative thoughts so you can see which of the ten cognitive distortions you’re involved in. This will make it easier to think about the problem in a more positive and realistic way. 2. Examine The Evidence: Instead of assuming that your negative thought is true, examine the actual evidence for it. For example, if you feel that you never do anything right, you could list several things you have done successfully. 3. The Double-Standard Method: Instead of putting yourself down in…
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Validation versus Agreement
It is important for nons to understand the difference between validation and agreement. It seems many “nons” find it difficult to use validation with their loved ones. They have this opinion that validation is “giving in” to the desires and wants of the person with BPD. Often they feel that their own needs (the non’s needs) or desires are in conflict with those of the person with BPD and that if they “give in” they lose. Validation is not about agreement or winning or losing. Validation is about finding the truth in other people’s FEELINGS, not their decisions or behavior. The other person’s feelings are the key issue at heart…
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Emotional Literacy
On a site that I previously mentioned, I found the top ten ways to improve emotional literacy. 1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. “I feel impatient.” vs “This is ridiculous.” I feel hurt and bitter”. vs. “You are an insensitive jerk.” “I feel afraid.” vs. “You are driving like a idiot.” 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings. Thoughts: I feel like…& I feel as if…. & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings. “I feel jealous.” vs. “You are making me jealous.” 4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions. “How will I feel…