One thing I have noticed about loved ones of people with Borderline Personality Disorder is the resistance (at first) to accepting a separate view about their loved ones. This resistance seems to stem from multiple sources:
- Their ingrained view of their loved ones as crazy or behaving badly
- The fear of the future, either for the child, themselves or that therapy will not work
- The idea that they have “tried everything” and nothing works, which leads to learned helplessness
- Cognitive distortions in the mind of the Non that things will “always be this way” or that “I know what will happen when…”
- The need to be right because what is going on is unacceptable for their value system
- A judgmental attitude toward their loved as being not as good or right as they are.
Unfortunately, this resistance causes the Non to be stuck in a certain situation, to be trapped in a cage. There is escape from the cage. Yet, the only way out is in ceasing to resist the very path that can free you. If you are stuck in any of the above attitudes, there is another way. In my experience, that other way is through the shedding of previous ineffective behavior and “stances”, and accepting and acting in ways that are effective.