I have an email list for nons called the Anything to Stop the Pain google group. You can visit it here:

Before you request to join the group, you might want to read my book “When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder”. Here is a brief “ad” for the book:

Think someone in your life that has Borderline Personality Disorder? Buy the book that has helped hundreds of people like yourself. When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder really is a how-to, step-by-step for loved ones of people with BPD to communicate more effectively. To get more information on the book, click on the image below:

When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

If you are a parent, partner (husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend), friend or child of someone with BPD, this book can teach you how to cope with someone with this chaotic disorder. Restore peace in your life. Help yourself and them.

The reason I suggest reading it is that it explains the philosophy of the group and it has helped many, many people in the group in their relationships with their BPD loved ones.

This email support group has experienced a number of “success stories”. There are current about 600 members, but only about 50 active posters, including me (Bon Dobbs). It is a wonderful vehicle for bouncing ideas off people who are in the same situation as you. However, the purpose of the group is to learn effectiveness and to acquire skills to make our lives more peaceful with our borderline family members. This is NOT a bitch-session group and not a “how do I leave him/her” group. There are plenty of those on the Internet. The nature of this group is quite different than some of the other BPD-focused groups on the Internet.

Some Notes and Rules

First of all, a few rules:


This list is intended to provide support and learning environment for members to share experiences. It is no way intended to be a mental health service. If you find yourself or someone you care about in crisis, please seek immediate help from your local hospital, doctor, and or mental health professional.

1. No personal attacks, profane language, and any other abusive behaviors are accepted. Please note that the list coordinator reserves the right to remove any individual who displays such behavior.

2. Members are expected to respond to each other’s feelings and points of view in a supportive, receptive, and respectful manner.

3. Please do not post ads, commercial messages or any other messages that do not relate to the topic of discussion unless it is approved by the list moderators. This includes attachments of any kind.

4. The owner of this group specifically bans the practice of “sockpuppeting” or pretending you are one person while actually being another. This policy especially applies to partners of group members who are using the messages of the member to harass, spy on or intimidate the member. Anonymous Internet email accounts are acceptable and encouraged. However, attempts to deceive others within the group through the use of a “sockpuppet” will not be tolerated. You will be banned from the group.

5. While off-list friendships are expected, given the nature of this list, please refrain from off-list communication unless BOTH parties agree to such communication. I cannot stress this enough. I have had to remove members (for the first time) for unwanted off-list communication.

6. The copyright for each message posted in this group is owned by the poster. This is a private, members-only group. Posting the content of messages outside this group without the expressed, written consent of the poster and copyright owner is prohibited. Any such postings, particular public posting on a blog or other website, will be subject to a DCMA violation request and must be removed immediately or the person violating the copyright can face legal action.

*The listowner reserves the right to remove from this list any member who is disruptive and or abusive at any time.*

And finally, a final disclaimer:

Remember, I am not a doctor of any kind. I am not a health professional or mental health professional. While there may be members of this group at some point that ARE mental health professionals, the purpose of this group is not to provide medical or mental health advice. If you are having a serious mental health issue, please go to a mental health professional. If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide or at risk of hurting someone (including themselves), please seek help immediately.