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Boundaries and their effective use
Well, well, well… I don’t know why but apparently I continue to be a subject at WTO. Weird. I posted about this a few days ago. I’ve been out of touch with the blog for a few days, while I do family stuff and take care of my email list. I really admire the people on my list; they do a great job of being both honest and validating with one another – while at the same time providing constructive advice to one another. Boundaries… I’ve posted about boundaries many times before. I think boundaries are one of the most misunderstood concepts in the non-BP/BP relationship. While it is difficult…
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Shame and Invalidation
Here’s a good site about invalidation: http://eqi.org/invalid.htm A quote: “Invalidation is to reject, ignore, mock, tease, judge, or diminish someone’s feelings. Constant invalidation may be one of the most significant reasons a person with high innate emotional intelligence suffers from unmet emotional needs later in life.(1) A sensitive child who is repeatedly invalidated becomes confused and begins to distrust his own emotions. He fails to develop confidence in and healthy use of his emotional brain– one of nature’s most basic survival tools. To adapt to this unhealthy and dysfunctional environment, the working relationship between his thoughts and feelings becomes twisted. His emotional responses, emotional management, and emotional development will likely…
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Some Assumptions about BPD
Main Assumption: BPD is an emotional disorder in which the sufferer experiences extremely intense emotions and has more trouble than “normal” people do returning to “baseline” (they have a long “refractory period”). Notice I didn’t say “moods” – it is not a mood disorder (like bipolar) because moods last a long time. Emotions are short lasting and can spur other emotions. Ever notice how your BP can swing from sadness to anger to shame to elation all in about an hour (or less)? If that is accepted then the next step is: what does one do about that? The best answer I can come up with is to use validation.…
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Adopted Children and BPD
This is a link to site positing that adopted children are often mis-diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Sometimes, BPD is characterized by an “”inability to connect”” with parents. In the case of adopted persons, the initial invalidation of being “”rejected”” by one’s birth parents can be a life-long struggle. I have found that in Family Support groups close to 40% of the children diagnosed with BPD were adopted. However, there is another theory that has been overlooked by this author. That is that the birth parents of these children may have exposed them to biological impulsivity. If the mothers of the adopted children are impulsive – having sex and…