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A Note about BPD and Boundaries And SWOE
In my Google Group, I recently responded to a member about boundaries and the term “non”. In this message the word SWOE refers to the book “Stop Walking on Eggshells” and WTO refers to the “Welcome to Oz” Yahoo mailing group (which is the largest Non group on the Internet). As you can see by my message I am not over enthusiastic about either: — snip The WTO site is all about the “non” and setting “boundaries” does this come from SWOE??? The non label does come from SWOE as far as I’ve been able to tell. It is in common usage now throuhgout the Internet and the BPD community…
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Some mental health services are telling patients: ‘If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would have done it’
Like many others, Laura is made to feel like she is “attention seeking” and “manipulative” when she is suicidal or makes attempts on her life. Some mental health services are telling patients: ‘If you really wanted to kill yourself, you would have done it’ When people do get to access crisis care, many feel that the emphasis is on getting rid of them as quickly as possible. Psychiatric inpatients have even been told to phone the Samaritans if they wish to talk. League city integrated counseling and wellness will change your life for the better. Jay Watts 4 days ago People are encouraged to seek help if they are feeling…
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What holds us back before we start – From When Hope is Not Enough
The skills I offer in this book are counter-intuitive. They go against many of the things that we have been taught to believe about relationships. What holds us back before we start I often see on my support list “newbies” who are not teachable. They arrive at the list seemingly willing to listen to the experienced members, yet in reality they subconsciously feel they have it all figured out. The experience of the “old timers” is extraordinarily valuable. In fact, that experience is the greatest asset available on the list. It is why I decided to revise this book to reflect the teaching from the sharing of that experience. Many…
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Video: Anthony Bateman – Where does attachment fit into BPD?
Is Borderline Personality Disorder involve attachment? The Mentalization people (like Dr. Bateman) would say “Yes”. Those that do DBT wouldn’t agree. “This is not blame the mother… There are many things that affect the attachment system, not just the mother.” If you agree that attachment plays a role in BPD, you’ll more fully understand why boundaries and “detaching with love” can be harmful or triggering.
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Mentalizing is a verb
Mentalization is the true essence of love, compassion and understanding, because it allows you to internalize the authentic “image” of the other person’s mind (and they can yours as well). Mentalization is essentially done through asking questions, but not leading questions. One cannot ASSUME the other person’s thoughts and feelings are what you think they are. You have to start with a blank slate each time. You can “read” momentary feelings (such as recognizing micro-expressions) but the MEANING of those feelings is not always clear. If you don’t know, you have to ask.
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You can tolerate frustration (even though it hurts)
Pain hurts. Frustration is painful. It’s bothersome but it is bound to be a part of life. Not getting what you want, or having what you like taken from you, not getting your way and the many other of life’s frustrations can make you suffer. Pain avoidance or the immediate cessation of frustration is one of life’s biggest motivators. Unfortunately, some of life’s frustrations don’t have an immediate remedy. Sometimes you have to live in a frustrating situation for a period of time. While you might start to believe “I can’t take it anymore,” I would encourage you to ask yourself, “Really? Can I not take it anymore?” Why do…