DBT Skill of the Day: Practicing A Nonjudgmental Stance

What are judgments?

• Describing things as good or bad, valuable or worthless, smart or stupid, terrible or wonderful, beautiful or ugly, etc.
• Describing how things “should” or “shouldn’t” be
• Describing by comparing or contrasting

Usefulness of judgments?

• They allow for quick descriptions by creating simple categories
• They are fast, short hand for describing preferences and consequences

Problems with judgments?

• They often distract from reality (judgments may replace facts; when we judge we often stop observing)
• They tend to feed negative emotions (anger, guilt, shame)
• Positive judgments are fragile: anything judged “good” can also be judged “bad”

Steps for letting go of judgments

• Practice noticing judgments. Keep a count of judgments.
• Ask yourself, “Do I want to be judging?” “Is the judging helping or hurting me?”
• Replace judgments with:

1. Statements of preference: “I like…” “I prefer…” or “I wish…”
2. Statements of consequences: “This is helpful/harmful for…”, “This is effective/ineffective for…”
3. Statements of fact: “This thing happened in this way, at this time…”

• Practice accepting what is (facts, preferences, consequences) and letting go of the judgments. Let the judgments drift away.
• Remember not to judge your judging!