Borderline Personality Disorder,  Celebrities,  Emotions,  Impulsiveness,  Self-Injury,  Shame,  Substance Abuse

Celebrities with Borderline Personality Disorder (possibly, not for sure)

Here are my top-five candidates for celebrities with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Remember I am not a doctor and this is a “arm chair” analysis of the documented behaviors of each of these celebrities. Others considered for the list were: Kurt Cobain, Princess Di, Heather Mills, Christina Ricci, Elizabeth Wurtzel, Winona Ryder, Mindy McCready and OJ Simpson. But here are my top five BPD celebrities (from least to most likely to have the disorder) and some links to illustrative articles on the web… drum roll please….

5. Britney Spears (more on Britney try this link)

4. Angelina Jolie (if you want a more detailed analysis of Angeline Jolie go here)

3. Courtney Love (to see all of the posts on Courtney Love go here)

2. Pete Doherty (Here is some more info on Pete Doherty go here)

1. Lindsey Lohan (Here is some more info on Lindsay Lohan go here)

Removed from the list because she’s now dead. Rest in peace Amy:

Amy Winehouse (for more on Amy Winehouse try this)

Think someone in your life that has Borderline Personality Disorder? Buy the book that has helped hundreds of people like yourself. When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder really is a how-to, step-by-step for loved ones of people with BPD to communicate more effectively.



  • Katherine

    You guys are completely full of it. I also have BDP. If you can seriously take such vague behavior and act like you-with your little remote controllers,your youtube drooling faces and fat, greasy, stubby tabloid flipping fingers-can make one accurate judgement about flat screen people you’re not only emotionally held back, you’re mentally behind anyone worth anything. If you do not know them, if they aren’t sitting in your chair, if you’re not opening up their psychiatric file, then that’s a ridiculous statement to make. Celebrities are portrayed to have pretty out of the norm lives, with pretty out of the norm access to pretty out of the norm things. Looks like you’re using some of your highly skilled projection techniques today. <3, love you guys. Its all in good fun, you know what I really want is to rip my brain out and beat it til death like all the rest of you. This pacifies that.

  • Bon Dobbs

    Behavior and emotional dysregulation are two separate things. I agree that anyone (borderlines included) has to be responsible and face the consequences of his/her behavior. The emotional dysregulation comes into play as to the “why” of the behavior. If the motivation can be quelled and removed, the behavior will also subside.

  • Seymour Brighton

    I can regulate my behaviour FAIRLY well. But I minimize the risks of my social death by shutting myself away a lot of the time. Like one of those crazy hairy guys who pees in soda bottles because he can’t bear to leave his room.

    And due to me being as controlled and restrained physically in public as I am, my inner world is a bloody nightmare. Also I have no friends. (I have “friends” but I don’t feel any rapport with them). Not sure why I felt like sharing.

    BPD is the kinda thing where if you push in one side of it, another side pops out somewhere else.

  • Janet From Another Planet

    The extreme dysregulation of emotions can only be overcome with the development of insight over time along with learning how to be gentle with ones’ own self (i.e., self-mothering). Self-control must be the primary focus of the person with BPD in the beginning stages of healing. My therapist (for the last year, after 7+yrs with a string of psychiatric residents in a hospital-based program) told me that BPD is not necessarily a permanent state of being and is able to be healed. Many years with a best friend who served as a mother proxy who bestows consistent mother-love, unconditional positive regard, and objective evaluations of situations have also been instrumental in my healing. I still fight the feelings, but the rage has subsided as my insight has increased. I am so very lucky. Even though I write all this, I still think of myself as BPD in recovery and know very well that if I don’t keep mindful of it, I may return to a pattern of alienating people and losing friends. I am afraid to not think of myself as borderline, even though my therapist has said otherwise. I believe it wise to maintain this awareness.

  • Mersydo

    Seymour – excellently put. That’s exactly how it is for me. Lonely place – I’m essentially a chatty, gregarious person and I’ve had to keep the beast locked up. Don’t know who the natural me is anymore.

  • Rachael

    Seymour, I have to agree with Mersydo! The way you expressed those feelings…I thought I was the only one. Obviously not. Sometimes my husband can’t understand why I have so many “friends” but won’t go out. Those people don’t know me, all of me. He does and I have seen how he has supported me through the past 8 years. He has experienced my wrath and mood swings and I don’t know any friend that could handle that. But ask people who think they know me and I’m such a sweet, outgoing and caring person. Wow, if they saw the other stuff…

  • Belinda Lee Davies

    BPD gets better as we learn to cope better with time.
    My doctor says I have more or less recovered.

    I do find it very unhelpful that people just lump any kind of disorderly behaviour or outbursts with BPD.

    Any chronic alcoholic could have done any of those above things!

    Has anyone ever thought about it?

    But not every chronic alcoholic has BPD.

    If exhibiting those behaviours automatically makes one Borderline, then we should just ban alcohol usage on weekends.


    BPD is a serious problem. Stop stigmatising BPD patients further by making them out to be lunatics just because they have had outbursts and told you they are BPD. Give us a break. Am sure your mother has yelled at you too when you wet your bed at 21.

  • Bon Dobbs

    Not every alcoholic has BPD. What do you mean “wet your bed at 21”? Is that a joke or some sort of weird dig? I am not stigmatizing anyone. I actually try to lift the stigma.

  • Michael

    We all need to find daily space— free from the labels, free from the punishing thoughts— I suggest going and reading about Non-Violent Communication by Rosenburg. We can frame in a judgmental way or not. We can learn to stay compassionate— understand the feeling and get to the need. Non-Violent Communication is about being non-violent and safe inside our heads too.

  • jodie

    I found out 2 days ago that ive been diagnosed with BPD i must say as shocked as i was i was also relieved And felt like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders/ on the contary depending on my mood i feel like ive had a big weight put on my shoulders lol but hey guess thats just the disorder. knowledge is power.

  • julian peers


    you have inspired me to say a few things… firstly I think it is wonderful what you are trying to do! I’m fairly well into my difficult journey as a husband of a suspected BPD wife so I am still trying to confirm diagnosis on her behalf since she is so defensive (get’s triggered) about any mention of a condition as the un-diagnosed seem to be. Of course being no expert it has a been difficult and lonely experience (as not yet been able to tell friends and family memebers, only that “she is not very good at dealing with stress”). For me, I have coped so far until now when I have turned to the internet actually to find out why she does not want children although I know in my heart how difficult it would be. Of course this main issue had become the main trigger for many recurrent mode swings so I have bought myself time buy saying I’m not ready yet anyway. There seems to be another main forum out there which I have found to be a lot more negative with people posting comments about “the way to leave a BPD”, so sad. Even if my wife’s far too frequent and dissproportionate anger and rage and emotional swings are caused by something other than BPD, this site still gives hope to me and the many partners of BPDs as well as hope to the BPD sufferers that there are Husbands out there like you that had the strength of character to be able to make it work, set up this forum, write a book, break the stigma and improve diagnosis, bravo!

    I am sure my wife would have had a similar reaction to many of the BPDs who post negative comments on your website about the celeb thing without realising that what you’re actually trying to do is help so many of them.

  • Fiore

    I read most your comments and just wanted to say you’re all like really cool and smart.

    Honest, I love my BPDed friend most of all 🙂

    Peace! (…and randomness)


  • susie

    My first diagnosis at 17 was “depression” the second diagnosis was “major depressive disorder” at 23, third diagnosis was “bipolar 2” age 25,
    It wasn’t until I had a fight wth my boyfriend, locked myself in my apartment with no food and 3 gigantic bottles of Jack daniels (I tried to drink myself to death, literally)it took 5 days for friends and family to realize I hadn’t left the house and I was in fact attempting suicide without actually doing it…my roomate eventually called 911 and I was admitted into the mental hospital where I was observed for 5 days.
    I decided enough was enough and hired a private psychiatrist that had a good reputation. Borderline scared the shit out of me, but I have to say what a relief to finally have a diagnosis. I also have a learning disability, ADHD, and have suffered since childhood.
    Also worth mentioning to your dr is little facts that you dont think matter, for me it was my bad coordination. I always spilled drinks on me, tripped over my feet, and was just a straight mess…this helped with the diagosis too. I am extremely dependent and distant all at the same time. I get very angry and for no valid reason…bottom line is…
    The difference between a bipolar and a borderline is well a lot of things. Bipolar people rarely become enraged, whereas a borderline will flip out and throw a lamp
    A borderline feels guilt often, whereas a bipolar rarely does.
    A borderline has sporatic mood changes, they last second, minutes. Their main issue is with themselves. They have low self esteem and self worth. They put others before themselves, to an absolute fault. They will feed everyone else soup while they are starving. They are literally self LESS…we are good people, but there is a very fine line. We simply do not care about ourselves. I did not want to admit this illness to anyone, but the bottom line is it is me. I developed this throughout my life and it wasn’t until I literally was sick and tired (and willing to pay out of pocket, research good dr.) that I was able to be at peace. There is absolutey a light at the end of the tunnel. We are not psycho’s, psycho’s are psycho’s. We undestand what is real and what is not, we just don’t articulate the way everyone else does.

  • Pierrette El khoury

    I felt in secure when I read the comments . I might have a borderline personality . I always feel that I have a double personality .In fact sometimes I feel that I am very week , lonely, empty and anxious. I can’t handle looking at myself in the mirror because I will not recognize myself. In the other hand , when I am surrounded by friends and people who I might think that they love me , I feel relaxed and comfortable .In addition, sometimes I feel that I am special and a unique person who had alot of talents and so powerful . Furthermore, I am always confused , moody and depressed . I have aliment disorder and I think that I live in two words. In fact, I have my own world which I can dream , talk and be in the situations that i d like to be in . It s strange I know but almost all the time I try to be alone to act and live my own world. But, I have the normal world which is my normal life : I go to university , I have friends and I work as a teacher . Besides , I m always bored , i like to do things unusual and I like to cross the limit . Crossing the limits makes me feel that I am alive in a real world. There is many things that i didnt talk about . I d like to share things and ideas with some of you . Add me if ur interested . Thank you . btw am I normal ? does anyone feel what I feel ?

  • Stefanie Lesser

    I have BPD also and I am in recovery. I feel the main thing is that is we want and need to be validated. We were not given that opportunity during childhood. Consequently as a result of that, we learn not to express our feelings throughout our lives and learn not to care about feelings, our needs or our wants. I agree we should not be as stigmatized as we are. People should take the time to listen to our stories and understand where we are coming from. Nonetheless if they did, they would also see the intelligence some of us have, the resilience, the resourcefulness, the talents, the extreme passion and empathy we do have. We truly are good people and just like any other obstacles in life, it can be overcome. Life’s challenges are not supposed to paralyze us they are supposed to help us discover who we are. I am currently a student at CSPP fresno going for my PHD in clinical psychology and one thing I have learned about myself throughout the past few years is the vast amount of courage I have to keep on trying and to never lose faith or hope.

  • Ana

    I have BPD and my treatment only made me get worse. I quit two times and I know this is not good (and is also something very common), but it really was useless.

  • Ressie

    Susie & Pierrette,
    I can identify completely with what you are saying. Which scares me to death.
    I was diagnosed with BPD by a psychologist quite recently, and have not yet fully accepted it. When she told me, I got very angry (even though I didn’t show it – I rarely subject anyone else to my anger) and very sad – I don’t want to have a mental disorder!
    The only thing I’ve ever heard about BPD (not much) are vague and negative things, and that BPDs are pretty much bad and crazy people. I felt like she was trying to make me fit into a diagnosis to make it easier for herself, and that she didn’t know me well enough to make such a statement. We’ve seen each other for a year, under pretty severe circumstances – I had a deep depression due to many external as well as internal factors – so we have seen each other for quite a while though.
    Then I got angry with myself for being so messed up in the head.
    Her statement almost sent me right back into my depression and I’m struggling not to got there again.
    I felt and feel like it’s hopeless, this diagnosis has just made me hate myself more. My psychologist tells me that my “strong” and powerful (exactly like you described it Pierrette I also feel those unique and powerful feelings sometimes) part of me should try to help the weak and very hated part of me. But the problem is, I don’t want to. The strong me wants to just annihilate the weak part, and has no compassion whatsoever with it. I know this sounds schizo.. but that’s how it is.
    I do have, on the other hand, an extreme compassion with other people, and I think my empathy is sometimes on the verge of abnormal, I would like you said Susie, help anyone else before myself even if it killed me. I want to even leave my boyfriend to protect him from my messed up head.
    Right now, I don’t know how to relate to this diagnosis, and I’m very doubtful that therapy can help, as I can’t imagine wanting to help myself. I feel like I’m not done punishing myself. For what I don’t exactly know, but I just don’t feel like a good person and I am very very far from loving or even liking myself.
    I don’t know what to do at this point.


    My situation is a bit different, but the characters are the same. I survived a 2-yr marriage to a BPD. To take this one step further, she was a THERAPIST by profession.

    Needless to say, manipulation, and control were only parts of her aresenal. Luckily I got out,and my life is recovering. While I understand that the BPD is “suffering” inside, there has to be a recovery program or methods for people who have loved a BPD. The fact that she is a therapist and is aware that she is BPD, is completely socially, ethically, and morally wrong! How could one even begin to “report” her to the state without appearing as a “disgruntled” ex???

  • Laura

    I understand what you wen through. I was in a seven yr relationship with someone who was first diagnosed with severe depressive disorder and then narcissistic personality and finally with Borderline Personality Disorder. I understand his suffering and I feel your anger an resentment that shows so clearly in your post. I know sometimes their behavior does not seem as if they are suffering and as if they are selfish and I fell that any Borderline who is diagnosed and knowingly does not get treatment is selfish, especially if they are in a relationship with someone. I know my fiance loved me and still does, but he refuses treatment. We have a child on the way due in March and I have finally accepted the fact that we can never be together. He has done so many horrible things to me. Every time it gets real and we are about to make a step forward, he throws us two steps back with his erratic behavior and lies. I can never trust him. I was working and trying so hard to finish my degree and he was breaking up every two months and becoming suicidal. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through. I know he has tons of guilt and self hate for what he put me through and I know he wants to get better but somehow everytime he is stable, he decides he doesn’t need therapy or meds anymore. He begins to blame all his problems on me and our relationship and there is nothing I can do about it. He would tell me I’m the one with the disorder even though I saw the same doctors as him and was never diagnosed with any thing other than depression from the stress of trying to save him from himself. I had to walk away from my best friend and soulmate because he continually hurt me. I learned that I cannot help him if he is unwilling to help himself. I need a support group too.

  • Rachel

    Ressie, You don’t sound “schizo” to me, you sound objective and caring. I believe it can help to see the diagnosis as a label for a set of symptoms made by a group of people with a certain type of logic that means they have to label you in order to be able to help you, which is something i am learning to be compassionate about, which helps with my self-esteem. A good therapist will treat you as an equal, encourage you to also be compassionate with yourself and will not put the diagnosis over as a judgement on who you are as a person. Try meeting them half-way, and if they are good at their job they will do the same. They are just people, richer but no better than anyone else, even if they think so, but we can let them off with that 😉 Calm communication works better than either outward or inward anger, and it is very difficult at first, everything is, but it does get easier. It is possible to learn to love oneself over time, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now, but each small step leads to another, give yourself time.

  • Rachel

    Oops, in my usual manner i have posted, gone away and ruminated and realised a serious error at the begining of my message, where it may seem as if i meant that schizophrenics are not objective and caring. That is simply a mistake in my use of grammar / sentence structure. Sorry :-/ I just meant to say go easy on yourself, Ressie. I also thought, or hoped it might help to add that accepting the diagnosis was the first step towards recovery for me.

  • Chris

    For everyone who has been “diagnosed” with a specific illness, it is important to remember that doctors and therapists are simply classifying your symptoms, and possible patterns of behavior and applying them to the DSM-IV, which is their handbook for diagnosing and evaluating mental disorders. Once they make this “diagnosis,” they use it to submit to your insurance company the diagnostic code for the said illness…….THIS IS HOW THEY GET PAID!!!!

    I am highly skeptical of therapists (due to my own personal marriage with a “borderline” therapist,) but regardless, psychology and therapy are NOT a medical science! There are no blood tests or difinitive lab tests that will determine your “disorder.” Remember, it is merely categorgizing your behavior, analyzing your patterns,and comparing that to their diagnostic manual!

    These people are not “Gods!” They are merely car mechanics in nicer clothes!!

    It’s the equivalence of buying a repair manual for your car. “This is what it’s doing,” (troubleshooting,), this is the possible problem (diagnosis,) and this is how you correct the problem (treatment.)

    Psychology and therapy are mere speculation…….

    Their reasoning and justification are circular, to say the least! JUNK SCIENCE!!

  • Bon Dobbs

    I wish the idea that psychologists are car mechanics in better clothes were true. If it were, then you could go into therapy can come out all fixed. My experience is that this is not the case.

  • Angel

    To Chris, and everyone else who hate BPD’s due to a lack of understanding,

    I have been struggling with depression, crazy mood swings and out of proportion anger outbursts my whole life. As I child I would lose control over myself and then my mom would tell me I need to control my anger and I would cry and say I simply didn’t know how. I never heard of BPD until I took an introductory psychology class at university. Up until now I had never seeked help as I was scared that I would receive the wrong diagnostic and be prescribed medication and then me addicted. I have a very addictive personality, I took many drugs as a teenager, spent some time as an alcoholic, in fact I would probably still be one if I wouldn’t have such a pussy’s stomach. Anyhow I always felt that sometime was seriously wrong in my head but never could fully relate to any mental illness I have heard of. The funny thing is that I actually thought I was borderline this and borderline that. I overcame severe depression as a teenager, without anyone’s help and I have made incredible progress in trying to stop the irrational thoughts and the paranoia. I am now able to prevent it but as soon as I lose focus, something small triggers me and I lose touch with reality and control over myself. I tried to seek help but the therapist the university provides us is a student and you could tell by the look in her eyes and the way she chose the next question after I answered the first one that she wouldn’t be able to help someone who has been struggling with mental illness on her own for 15 years of her life. So I am going to see my doctor tomorrow, hoping that she can recommand me someone who knows how to handle the oh so deffensive being that I am.

    The point is, if you don’t have BPD, it doesn’t matter if you were in a relationship with someone who has it or not, you have absolutely no right to judge us. Everyday is a painful inner battle. We want to do good all around us, we want a peaceful life to share with someone we love. But then we are thorn because the people we love the most are the ones we hurt the most. That feelings is what causes my suicidal thoughts. I would never kill myself, if I was gonna do it I would’ve done it when I was a lonely teen. I don’t think I’m alone when I say I never really wish to die but the need to get rid of that evil being that I share my body with is extremely painful.

    To all the people offering support to people with BPD, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. All our lives, having someone who understands us and will not use our weaknesses against us is what we truly wish for. I might lose my soul mate if the good in me doesn’t overcome the bad.

  • Chris

    I do not personally “hate” borderlines, but what I do HATE are their actions and how they effect EVERYONE in their lives around them! (if you read up a few previous posts, then you would’ve clearly seen that I was “suffering,” from them emotional fallout and aftershock of the psychological earthquake from my medusa, black hole, borderline of an ex wife!)

    I was writing from the impacted person perspective, never once did I attack or judge the individuals who are affected by this disorder, besides my ex, of course. (and the reason is that it personally impacted my family and I…)

    And yes, you’re completely correct. You may just lose your “soulmate,” but I can only speculate that from my experience. It was the MOST painful thing in my life, but I was NOT going to let that person literally, emotionally, or mentally kill me anymore! I had to walk away…

    I wish you the best of luck with your BPD, and with your relationship!

  • Angel

    Just don’t put all bpd’s in the same boat, just because your ex wife didn’t take action to make it better doesn’t mean most of us chose to close our eyes and ignore the harm we are causing. In fact most of us see what we are doing despite our intentions.

    I’m saying that because you did generalise, talking to “everyone who has been diagnosed”
    I don’t expect you or anyone else who doesn’t live with this constant inner battle to even come close to understanding what it is like.
    I’m just hoping you would accept that we aren’t all manipulative, hopeless and worthless like you make your ex wife sound like.

    Some of us just need help reprogramming the thought patterns we developped through traumatic experiences. Too many painful emotions were burried deep inside, and eventually it explodes.

    And once again, it is very noble that some people are strong enough to help the weaker ones, like the gentleman who created this website. Knowing that these people exist is why I feel like the battle is worth it. I guess that’s why I felt attacked by your comments

  • Kate-Georgia

    I just want to put some hope out there that it is possible to recover from BPD. I was diagnosed at a younger age than most and although I was an adolescent I do not think it was a misdiagnosis. I struggled for years with it along with anorexia and depression, but by slowly eliminating some behaviors that therefore meet the criteria for the diagnosis along with taking medication I was able to beat it. It is a slow process, however, and there are some residuals and coping mechanisms that remain. But I do no longer identify as BPD. So do not feel discouraged and please know that things can get better.

  • Peter

    27 year marriage KAPUT!!
    I still love my BPD wonderful wife very much. But this critical complaining person that oozes “bad vibes” is hard to take. A long way from when she had me on a pedistle and enjoyed doing so much with me.

  • Bon Dobbs

    Sorry to hear that your marriage of 27 years is over when you still care for your ex-wife. I’d say that certain skills, difficult to learn, yet essential, are the key to making such a relationship work. I summarize these in my book. Yet, it seems that it is too late for you. Yes, BPDs can create a negative situation. I think that can be changed with other changes to one’s approach.

  • Belissa

    Back to the article that we’re supposed to be commenting on: I dealt with Courtney for a number of years and IMHO, she fits the criteria! I was a newspaper columnist and she used to call me all the time to write about her. She was funny and clever and gave me lots of good stories on what was going on around town, so I did.

    One time she called me up and told me she’d just gotten married in Las Vegas. This was to her first husband, cross-dresser Falling James. They were married for a month or something like that. Idealization and devalvuation?

    I always got along great with Courtney while I was writing for a certain newspaper. A few years later she was drunk somewhere, I asked to take her picture for a web site I was working for at the time, and she attacked me physically!(I sued her and won, by the way.) I had turned from “all good” to “all bad,” and there was that explosive anger we BPDs know about. And look at all her physical fights over the years. Plus, if you read the recent Vanity Fair article about her it talks all about her insane spending — she in constantly in receipt of royalty money from her and Kurt’s song publishing, but she goes through hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and is always “broke”! There’s some more fuel for the BPD fire. P.S. I’m a Borderline too.

  • Carol

    Basically: “crazy” people with problems = borderlines?


    Thanks for helping people to hate us more!

  • Li

    Angelina Jolie = amazing hot bitch
    Courtney Love = crazy ugly bitch
    Lindsay Lohan = crazy bitch
    Britney Spears = crazy ex-hot bitch
    Amy Wino = wonderful crazy bitch

    Don’t wanna be a hater but I wished more than crazy bitches (though I like some)

  • Bon Dobbs

    Carol… I’m not sure that you’ve read the rest of my blog, aside from the celebrities thing. You might try it and realize that I’m not calling people with BPD crazy. I don’t think that someone with BPD is crazy at all.

  • Kimmy27

    Hi everyone BPD, i understand everyone, i have been diagnosed for 9 years now. I wish People would understand us, we have a battle with ourselves everyday. Been in a 10 year relationship and believe its come to end, no support, always alone, NO HELP. Its not my fault that i have BPD, some arshole that abused mé for years, has caused This problem. Why Can not people understand us, we are good People with hearts of gold, would give other People everything, we never Think of ourselves. But NO, no one give us the time of Day! We need to Stick together, we only have each other!

  • Belissa

    I don’t know about you, Kimmy27, but you don’t speak for me — i think of myself all the time. I am somewhat generous, but would not give anyone “everything..” I know other borderlines, and we seem pretty self-centered to me. Having a battle with oneself every day makes one pretty self-involved. Also, because some of us tend to get angry or depressed or throw a fit if things go wrong or not the way we’ve expected them to go (such as in the case of something so simple as a friend canceling plans, which can be huge to a borderline) I’m sure we appear to be thinking only of ourselves. We can be emotionally draining, which is hard on other people who are better at handling their emotions. Because of our abandonment issues we can be needy, which makes it seem like we are putting our needs before those of other people.

    I think you might want to take some time, now that you’re single, to learn something about yourself. Think about your part in the disintegration of your relationship and take responsibility for it. Borderlines are notoriously bad at long-term relationships. You might want to investigate why we are known for being bad at this, and see if any of it applies to yourself.

  • omniblueeyes

    I have been diagnosed with this disorder and want to refuse to accept it. I am forty five years of age. I have tried to commit suicide at age of 42 after my adopted father succeeded ten years prior. I have bouts of intense anger but they have lessened in severity as I have grown older, or perhaps I just do not throw stuff and use hateful words….I guess I have learned to push the anger inward as much as I can. I am like some of you. I will suffer rather than make another suffer. In a breakup, I will do what I can to make sure the person feels as little pain from my leaving them as possible, to the point of making them hate me or feel justified in ‘hating me’…I could give example, but I feel some of you may be able to relate without me even having to explain. I will give to others, solve their problems, take on more than I can handle. I am not sure why I do this. If it is because then I do not have to pay attention to my own issues or it is so I can feel better about myself, like I am worth something. regardless, in the end of it all, I am tired and spent and become so bitter I will lash out. It is an ugly side and ultimately leads to me feeling guilty again. A vicious, ugly, predictable cycle that one would think I would be intelligent enough to recognize and correct. I am…sometimes, but mostly, I just repeat the pattern. The best I can hope for is to become a robot, disconnect from all feelings and cope….or rather function. function without feelings or feel TOO much. Not much of a life and damned scary. I read(on one website) that most BP diagnoses are not made on people over the age of forty because most BP suffers do not last past forty. That was just special and oh so very encouraging. I have been married three times and am in a relationship with another man again whom I love. I am scared for both of us and I am scared for anyone, especially my children and grandchild, who love me.

  • jeanne

    The one very important piece to this puzzle that is missing is the fact that many borderline individuals have co-occurring disorders. For example, I have borderline and narcissistic traits, a percentage have borderline plus histrionic personality disorder, etc. My point being, just like no two humans are exactly alike, neither are two borderlines, does this make sense? 🙂

  • Bon Dobbs

    Yes, I agree, all people are individuals and are different to some extent. At the same time, a diagnosis or even a tendency make no sense if there are not common traits. Even the BPD diagnosis in its current form, without the consideration of comorbid Axis I or II diagnoses, is a 5 of 9 criteria which sets up many configurations of BPD. I like to focus on common traits. IMO – and I am NOT a doctor or mental health clinician, is that of the 100s of borderline people I’ve met and come in contact with, is that there are certain common traits. In my book, I say these traits are threefold: 1) emotional dysregulation, 2) impulsivity and 3) shame. In the next version of my book, I am planning a 4th – a preoccupation with personal relationships. While some researchers point out other things – like opiod debt or frontal cortex dysfunction or mid-brain activation, my point is a common trait. I understand your point, yet if there are not common traits, the diagnosis is meaningless.

  • jeanne

    Bon, I would love to read your book! All of what you say is true. BPD people do all have many fundamental traits in common that make up this disorder. This is the first BPD forum that I have investigated and I had to LOL when I read some comments (not laughing in a bad way, but just that I FINALLY found a group of nice people that I “get”) I do realize that you are not a PHD in this field, but would appreciate your advice as you seem to know a lot on this topic. I’m on the low end spectrum of BPD, but I also test high for histrionic PD and narcissistic PD. In a sense, I kind of dominate the cluster “B” personality disorders. Although I have never been hospitalized or cut myself, I was a RAGING alcoholic, now almost a year sober. I have had some relationship disasters: I am actually happily married (my husband is as patient as a saint) but I carried on all types of rocky “emotional” affairs with other men, one at a time…I was their emotional vampire, they all ended in my rage. I got a DUI last year and am now on probation…I find myself “infatuated” with my probation officer…it is nuts! I am a 47 year old female that acts like an 18 year old, have inappropriate anger, and have anorexic tendencies (I am literally obsessed with keeping my weight UNDER 120lbs, I am 119lbs this morning) I have not worked in 13 years (been an alcoholic for about as long) and I am supported financially by my husband of 26 years. Since this disorder is still so new to me do you have any advice on how I can slay this dragon? Thanks, and I want to read your book! 🙂

  • Bon Dobbs

    My book is available from Amazon and there’s a Kindle version. Sounds like you’ve had a real time of it. The ” I am a 47 year old female that acts like an 18 year old, have inappropriate anger, and have anorexic tendencies” sounds eerily like my own wife. As for the alcoholic stuff do you go to meetings or treatment (if you don’t mind me asking)?

  • jeanne

    Thanks for the reply, I’ll order the book. The treatment for my alcoholism found me…on October 17, 2012 I got arrested for drunk driving with a BAC of .18, It actually saved my life. The aftermath was a wake up call that I am still paying for today. I lost my license for a year, had to do a 10 week intensive alcohol abuse class, attend AA meetings, etc It’s been a year of sobriety now but I have stopped going to AA, I probably should go back. I get my license back on December 18th…maybe then can I get a life!!

  • Dick

    If one wanted to observe Hollywood, from an philosophical/analytical approach, it would not be hard to conclude that Hollywood itself, is like a major personality disorder.

    1. Lacks empathy for others

    2 induces prejudicial thinking from portraying some groups, especially minorities as “all bad” such as those, who suffer from mental illness…just take a look at a few of the films released over the decades, Play Misty for me, Fatal attraction, Mother Dearest, and also an abundance of horror flicks, portrays people with mental illness as psychopathic killers, for eg. “Psycho” and “Schizoid” are just a few to name of.

    3. Promotes utter “narcissism” in their movies and especially within the Hollywood culture.

    4. Hollywood has extremely “manipulative” marketers, to fool the fools, to spend their money on trash films, which are made on a very small budgets, yet rake in millions and they have absolutely no remorse for their dishonest, manipulative modes, to rip people off.

    5. Hollywood actors, like the person with a Histrionic personality disorder, demand an abundance of attention, which far out ways, any of the other artists, such as painters, musicians { Classical and Jazz}…etc etc,

    6. Hollywood thrives off of personalities that are excessively preoccupied with personal adequacy, power, prestige and vanity

    7 Their aristocratic “pig” culture engages in risky behaviors, such as going on shopping sprees, drinking excessive amounts of alcohol or abusing drugs, engaging in promiscuous sex, binge eating, or self-harming.

    one could go on and on and on…Therefore,
    Hollywood is one huge personality Disorder…

    I would like to quickly leave a message for Mr. Dobbs and thank him profusely, for his devotion to those whom suffer from mental/personality disorders. I returned here after many years and I have mental illness and you were very good to me and I never have forgotten that.

    and never will…THANK YOU!!!

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