In 2007, I wrote the first edition of When Hope is Not Enough. When considering the title, I landed on this one because it rings true to a person who is a supporter and loved one of a person who meets the criteria of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Back when I wrote the book, there were very few books on the subject (only about 2-3) and the most popular of the books – the one recommended by therapist across my country (US) and which had sold hundreds of thousands of copies – had been ineffective in my life. I just found that the skills offered in that book worked at first and then stopped working abruptly.
When I took at Dialectical Behavior Therapy Family Skills Training (DBT-FST – yes, I know there’s way too many acronyms in this area), I found a new set of skills that provided some additional hope – hope which up until then was absent from my life. Yet, that hope, as fresh as it was, was not enough to heal the hurt and navigate the difficult relationships in my life. Instead, I found I had to refine the skills to make them easier to learn. More importantly, I had to master the skills and actually apply them to my life. Skillful means were more important than hope.
I updated the book in 2015 with a second edition to communicate more skills that I’d picked up in the intervening years and to “structure” the skills to make them even easier to master. I am posting this today because it’s been 10 years since I started writing the book and, in those 10 years, the skills contained therein has radically improved my life and my relationships.
I hope that those skills can help you in your relationships as well.