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Why Hope is Not Enough
A comment on the title of my book, When Hope is Not Enough. I’ve had several people say the book is perfectly titled and others say they don’t like the title. I decided to title it that because I believe that you need more than love to help someone with BPD and to help yourself. The problem with love is that saying “I love you” to someone with BPD can be invalidating. Saying “I’m proud of you” can be even more invalidating. And saying “You can do it” even more so. Let me explain. Validation is about the other person’s emotions (the BP). It is not about you and your…
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BPD and Lying – again…
I believe there are several basic motivations to lie when you have BPD. There are also two types of lies: by admission (by telling) and by omission (by not telling). Both types are a problem with someone with BPD. The motivations for telling a lie (or omitting truth) by someone with BPD are as follows: 1. When it is more painful to admit or tell the truth. 2. When she wants the other person to think “better” of her than she thinks of herself. 3. To avoid the judgment of the other person or judgment of herself. 4. When she can’t see the “truth” because of emotional reasoning brought on…
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BPD, lying and the nature of truth
One of the most searched-upon subjects in this blog (and talked about in our ATSTP Google Group) is the subject of lying by someone with BPD. The nons are confused by untruthfulness on the part of someone with BPD and wonder how the person with BPD can have any credibility or trustworthiness when, clearly, they continue to tell bold-faced lies. In my response to a recent poster within the ATSTP group, I recently made a new revelation about truthfulness and lying by someone with BPD. I have long said that someone will lie when telling to truth would cause more emotional suffering than lying would. However, that statement seems to…
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Talking to someone with emotional issues
I actually wrote this message on WTO some time ago. I think I am going to post some of my “Best of” message postings from WTO and from ATSTP lists – after removing any personal information from other posters. I’ve posted so many messages I would be worth it (I think) to share some of that information to the Internet public at large through this blog. So here goes (the Best of #1): Actually, these communication methods work with anyone, anytime. They will work in normal communication and during “OZ” – and I am trying to always be in this mode. It is difficult and takes a ton of effort,…
