http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/same-side-team-bpd/ Help for partners and parents of people with Borderline Personality Disorder - Non-BPDs by Bon Dobbs Thu, 09 Feb 2012 03:15:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/same-side-team-bpd/comment-page-1/#comment-2645 John Lucas Tue, 01 Sep 2009 14:24:27 +0000 http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/?p=1233#comment-2645 Bon, my wife has said this to me too. I think "on my side" means "care about how I feel". In that sense, it's hard for me to give a simple answer to the question, "Are you and your loved one on the same side"? I believe that I am on my wife's side; she is trusting more and more that I am on her side; I don't think that the notion of her being on my side is really on her radar; and I don't see my wife as being on my side, though I recognize that it is not maliciousness or a lack of desire, only that she hasn't thought about it and its importance to me because she is distracted by her own pain. This reminds me of a lyric from The Eels: "I never thought enough of myself to realize/ that losing me could mean something like the tears in your eyes." Bon, my wife has said this to me too. I think “on my side” means “care about how I feel”. In that sense, it’s hard for me to give a simple answer to the question, “Are you and your loved one on the same side”? I believe that I am on my wife’s side; she is trusting more and more that I am on her side; I don’t think that the notion of her being on my side is really on her radar; and I don’t see my wife as being on my side, though I recognize that it is not maliciousness or a lack of desire, only that she hasn’t thought about it and its importance to me because she is distracted by her own pain. This reminds me of a lyric from The Eels: “I never thought enough of myself to realize/ that losing me could mean something like the tears in your eyes.”

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