Alrighty then… this has little to do with my subject (BPD), but I stumbled across a picture on wikipedia yesterday of Jim Carroll. I was writing a post on the ATSTP List about tough love. I will follow up here more on the tough love idea shortly, but I wanted to show how boundaries can be used in tough love, and about how those boundaries are for YOU, not for your loved one. In other words you have to enforce those boundaries for yourself. Boundaries are choices about what YOU will and will not do for/with/about your life and your loved ones. The best example of tough love that I could think of was a scene from “The Basketball Diaries” (the movie) which is based on the book by the same name by Carroll. I found the scene on YouTube here:
The actual scene starts at 5:35 and be careful there are some pretty graphic things before the 5:35 mark. The scene involves Carroll’s (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) mother not giving him money for drugs. Carroll is a heroin addict at the time. It’s worth seeing just to see tough love in action. If you watch you will see that the tough love is tough on both of them and, more importantly, the mother chooses to use her boundary (“I will not give my son money for drugs”), rather than try and control HIS behavior, which many people think boundaries and tough love are all about.
Anyway, I started looking into Carroll on wikipedia and stumbled across this picture of Carroll taken last year (ok, he’s only 57 in the photo).
Here is another photo taken of him in 2000 (when he was 50).
I mean, Jeez, what happened to him? Some have speculated heroin again, but it looks like meth or AIDS to me. Here’s a blog post about Carroll’s reading from last year. It’s just so sad.