You said: “Also I have been reading heaps about boundaries and maintaining them.” I would caution you regarding this research. There are many, many bad interpretations of “boundaries” out there – including in some of the most popular books about BPD. I posted something about boundaries sometime ago: http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/boundaries-effective-bpd/ I would encourage you to develop boundaries that are just that, not rules. Too many people confuse boundaries with rules for other people’s behavior.

Bon

It’s interesting to see that you learnt about contextualising. And also about how to distinguish between the urge and the actual action. I think it might be good to put a gap/pause between urge and action, and then gradually tolerate longer ones.

Bon:

These skills seem progressive. From the thing before the thought, to the feeling, and then to the action.

Also I have been reading heaps about boundaries and maintaining them.

And it’s always good to be reminded to be “mindful of the moment”.

THANK YOU for this post! I really needed to read this at this really difficult time for me. I just wish I could have taken it to my DBT aftercare group on Wednesday! I really loved #1 in particular; great checklist to go through and a good way of helping someone with the action urge/action distinguishing. That is probably the most concrete and specific way I have ever seen this skill written down or heard articulated.

Also, #2 is very key. That is a skill I learned way back in my 20s, well before DBT, only it was called contextualizing and it was part of a communication skill I did in another group therapy thingy. Very important to take that step back and OBSERVE, which I think is what #2 is getting at, in my mind.

I am definitely bookmarking this post, Bon. Thanks again!!