As always your points are well-taken. Yes, in both cases I am using skills after the fact. And yes, I do use both techniques in my daily interaction with people. One other thing I noticed about DBT vs. MBT is that DBT is solely focused on the person with BPD, whereas MBT is focused on the interaction of BOTH people. The purpose is to mentalize (and for both to mentalize) and in doing so the intentions, thoughts, feelings and implicit goings-on in each mind are interacting. The example I give with my daughter is a real life one.

I can see how MBT techniques can come across as defending and/or challenging to the person with BPD. However, if done with compassion, curiosity and authenticity (the mentalizing “stance”), mentalization will more often be seen as an honest interesting in understanding the thinking of another person.

Bon

Previously, I thought you meant that for mentalization to be effective, you would have had to catch your daughter at the moment of interpretation, interrupt the behavioral chain, and suggest alternative interpretations before she experiences the emotions/feelings stemming from her initial (negative) interpretation.

Now, however, my understanding is that you CAN do this in certain circumstances, but you do not HAVE to intervene at that precise moment in time: instead, you can intervene at the same moment in time that you had suggested in “When hope is…” (ie after the behavior has appeared and after validating the emotions that preceded the behavior).

Then, after the validation step, instead of taking the DBT-based approach (pointing out negative consequences for her of her behavior and facilitating consideration of alternative behaviors), you can take the MBT-based approach (clarifying her interpretation and suggesting alternative interpretations–which actually sound much like a common CBT technique, of identifying negative automatic thoughts and consciously examining them).

Incidentally, I suppose you can do both, right?

If the EDM is directed at me from my wife, then I worry a bit that the MBT approach might come across as defending myself–but I think that, if the validation is done well, then this would likely not be a problem.

Thanks for all of your work on converting this into tools for interaction!