Confirmation of IAAHF

A few days ago, I saw some confirmation of “it’s all about his/her feelings” come across the ATSTP Email Support List. A woman who has been a member for a while posted this about her husband with BPD:

When I asked my H why he thinks he would never fall back on his old ‘opiate’ (other women) he said this:  “because I realized it only made me feel sh*ttier about myself and fall into a dark and self-loathing place, feeling that way is the ugliest experience I’ve ever had – and I felt that way for too long.”

I didn’t like that answer at first.  I wanted to hear “because it was heinous of me to betray you – *you* didn’t deserve that, how could I be such a self-centered so and so…” any combination of that – was what I wanted – I wanted it to be about *me*.  Inevitably that stuff came out – but his main and true motivator is himself.  And that is what keeps him in an ‘effective behavior’ stance.