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David Foster Wallace and Toxic Self-Consciousness
It was extremely sad to see that David Foster Wallace killed himself last month. He was a talented writer and an excellent observer of the human condition. Apparently, he suffered from major depression and had ceased his medications. Really sad. I was reading an article about him in the current issue of Rolling Stone and found a quote that summarizes my attitudes toward people with BPD’s view of themselves. I’m not saying Wallace had BPD – I really don’t know enough about him to say – but this view of oneself encapsulates the deep feeling of shame that accompanies BPD: There’s good self-consciousness, and then there’s toxic, paralyzing, raped-by-Bedouins self-consciousness.…
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Blame, Borderline Personality Disorder, Celebrities, Emotions, Pain, Shame, Substance Abuse, Suicide
Kurt Cobain and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
After learning about BPD and reading a biography of Kurt Cobain, I suspect that, if he was not a borderline, he suffered from a similar disorder. So, here is a detailed analysis of the case for Kurt Cobain having Borderline Personality Disorder. [amazonshowcase_aae6001f3f5766bb5a55f3fb147c3088] Substance Abuse I don’t think I have to cite any references on this one. The bio I read makes it clear that Cobain was a junkie and used consistently. Also, despite his slim frame (5’7″, 130 pounds), he used far more heroin than others in his final days and his body was, for the most part, able to take it. He did overdose numerous times. Abuse of…
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Self-injury Report
From the blog of “Random Thoughts of Self” I found a link to a British Study of Self-Harm called “Truth Hurts.” I also found a nice little image and blurb on the left side of that blog. The blurb said: “I want to be free… an attempt to relieve pain rather than inflict it…” which is IMO right on target when it comes to self-injury (Read “My Take on Self-Injury” to see why). I recently I had a member of my email list post a message thatsaid something to the effect of “these people (with BPD) have to punish themselves” (with self-injury).Of cours, I couldn’t disagree more. More often than…
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Why Hope is Not Enough
A comment on the title of my book, When Hope is Not Enough. I’ve had several people say the book is perfectly titled and others say they don’t like the title. I decided to title it that because I believe that you need more than love to help someone with BPD and to help yourself. The problem with love is that saying “I love you” to someone with BPD can be invalidating. Saying “I’m proud of you” can be even more invalidating. And saying “You can do it” even more so. Let me explain. Validation is about the other person’s emotions (the BP). It is not about you and your…
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Paranoia, Shame and Judgment Sensitivity
My wife has recently been really paranoid that the local moms don’t like her. She thinks that since they will sometimes not let their children come over to our house and play with my son that it means that they don’t trust her. OK, to be totally frank, my wife has been investigated by CPS twice. Once because of a DUI and once because she was over-medicated and went over to a judgmental woman’s house to pick up our children. The woman thought my wife was acting weird and reported her to CPS. I think that many BP’s get paranoid about their self-image with other people. The combo of fear…
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BPD and Lying – again…
I believe there are several basic motivations to lie when you have BPD. There are also two types of lies: by admission (by telling) and by omission (by not telling). Both types are a problem with someone with BPD. The motivations for telling a lie (or omitting truth) by someone with BPD are as follows: 1. When it is more painful to admit or tell the truth. 2. When she wants the other person to think “better” of her than she thinks of herself. 3. To avoid the judgment of the other person or judgment of herself. 4. When she can’t see the “truth” because of emotional reasoning brought on…