Comments on: A new article about BPD in NY Times and the reaction

By: Jen

Jen — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 21:21:04 +0000

That’s cool. I dont read here looking for advice or help for my personal demons…and I dont generally comment. I only commented today because you expressed disappointment in the attitudes of nons and rolled the comments from KO’s in with comments from spouses/partners. While I do believe that there is real non-BPD pain among the partners of BPD sufferers…they are making a choice to remain with the person causing them the pain. I expect adults to own their own shit and recognize when they are accepting abuse and make a decision to either leave the relationship or, as in your case, work to manage the behaviour.

Children should never be placed in that position, and it is often hard for us to have empathy for our afflicted parents…though many of us try. Im glad that your children have an “enlightened witness” to help validate any confusion/experiences they may have in regards to any BP behavior exhibited in the home.

I read here because, as a KO, I have been drawn/attracted to myself these kinds of personalities in my adult life and I want to first of all recognize the behaviour BEFORE enmeshment and secondly to learn how to protect myself without causing any harm to anyone else…including any person I encounter that has BPD or any other difficulties with emotional regulation.

By: Bon Dobbs

Bon Dobbs — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:35:11 +0000

I agree that that is too much to ask of a child. Children don’t understand what’s going on. I have watched my children with my BPD wife. She has gotten far better, and they have too. Yet I understand how difficult it is for kids of BPD. I have no real answers for you. Most of my clients are spouses with a few parents. I usually refer kids of to kobies.org.

Bon

By: Jen

Jen — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 18:42:00 +0000

The things that are needed in order to “manage” a BP are ALOT to ask of a child. PERIOD. This article is VERY invalidating to the the children of undiagnosed, unaware, out of control borderline personalities. That is where the comments from KO’s are coming from. We have been abused emotionally and in many cases physically. We are angry, we are sad, and we oftentimes feel alone in this world ourselves. We, the children of BPD/NPD parents have been robbed of our own childhoods, identity, and sense of well being. The road back from THAT is long and hard. We are tired. We NEED to take care of our own needs now so to read an article suggesting that we could have/or should be doing more is infuriating.

I understand that you love your wife and want to help her, and that is YOUR choice. But to ask ANY of what you or the author of this article propose as solutions to this problem to be carried out by a CHILD is asking way way way too much of that child. PERIOD.

By: Kytti Khat

Kytti Khat — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 02:35:39 +0000

@John: Are you trying to say that the article sounds black and white? I think it is very difficult to predict all things, my guess is that as a BP i could predict one out of three things when my rational mind is fully there. When it’s not I can’t predict much of anything. The prediction rate for the Non-BPs therefore must go even lower than a BP’s rational side (when present).

By: John Lucas

John Lucas — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 19:10:45 +0000

The article itself is not bad but is misinformed in some ways, IMO, in ways that can do damage. Most significantly, I disagree with this:

“…it is not possible to predict what will prompt an outburst. Living with a borderline person is like traversing a minefield; you never know when an explosion will occur.”