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20 ways you can emotionally invalidate someone
Emotional invalidation is particularly a problem when you’re dealing with an emotionally sensitive person, like someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I have a long list of emotionally invalidating phrases from which this list is derived. Emotional validation is the opposite of invalidation. You can learn how to use emotional validation to connect with a person with BPD by reading my book When Hope is Not Enough. 1. Ordering the person to feel differently Cheer up. Don’t cry. Don’t worry. Don’t be sad. Stop whining. 2. Ordering the person to “look” differently Don’t look so sad. Don’t look so smug. Don’t look so down. Don’t look like that. Don’t make…
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Insight: The Hypersensitive Attachment System in BPD
The attachment system in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is “hypersensitive” (triggered too readily). Indications of attachment hyperactivity in core symptoms of BPD Frantic efforts to avoid abandonment Pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships Rapidly escalating tempo moving from acquaintance to great intimacy (If your partner has BPD): Was your relationship a whirlwind romance? Is he or she clingy or suspicious? The explanation could lie in a hyperactive attachment system in a person with Borderline Personality Disorder. Anthony Bateman, a co-creator of Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT), describes this condition in his MBT training presentation. DBT is a form of cognitive behavior therapy and does not use the psychodynamic concept of attachment.…
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Happy Victimization: Emotion Dysregulation in The Context of Instrumental, Proactive Aggression
How the role of attachment, amygdala response and the mirror neuron system play out in aggression types in BPD and Psychopathy Here is a snip from a very interesting blog post by William Lu, who was a graduate student in psychology when he wrote it in 2010: I recently read a fascinating book chapter written by William Arsenio titled Happy Victimization: Emotion Dysregulation in The Context of Instrumental, Proactive Aggression. Early in the chapter, the author discussed how according to a study, 4-year-old children tended to predict that a bully would feel happy after pushing around some poor chump on the playground, aka happy victimization (Arsenio & Kramer, 1992). However, at age…
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Reorienting a Depressed Patient to Address Underlying BPD
Undesirable living situations and/or failures to achieve what you expect of yourself exacerbate and prolong depression. Reorienting a Depressed Patient to Address Underlying BPD John Gunderson, M.D. October 08, 2013 DOI: 10.1176/appi.pn.2013.11a23 A 22-year-old African-American male named Morris was referred to me by Dr. Henri. Morris was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) after a nonlethal overdose had led to an ER visit. This event occurred after several years in which his “treatment-resistant” depression had persisted despite many medication trials. Neatly dressed in black jeans and shirt, he seemed wary and perhaps, I thought, a bit frightened when he arrived. While we were in the waiting room, his worried overweight…
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What have you got if you win?
In my book When Hope is Not Enough, I encourage people to be “effective” rather than trying to be right all the time. Here is an excerpt from the book on this point: It is most important to be effective (rather than right all the time) I say, “It is most important to be effective.” What does it mean to be effective? Before I could talk about effectiveness, I had to dismiss being judgmental, because it is a roadblock to effectiveness. Being effective is doing whatever is necessary to gain a positive outcome in any given moment. In the case of emotions, it is doing what is necessary to feel…
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The mental illness monsters: Artist visualizes what illnesses would look like if they were mythical creatures
Toby Allen says the monsters are not meant to make light of the conditions. He hopes that by giving them a physical form, he will make them seem more beatable – also hopes they will reduce stigma around mental illness. The mental illness monsters: Artist visualizes what illnesses would look like if they were mythical creatures By EMMA INNES PUBLISHED: 11:44 EST, 8 October 2013 Toby Allen, a Cornish artist, has imagined what eight common mental illnesses would look like if they were monsters. He drew what he believed anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, social anxiety, avoidant personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, paranoia and dissociative identity disorder would look like as monsters.…