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Are you a grudge collector?
Why being a grudge collector makes you into a slave and dependent on others for justice and self-worth. Reexamining the duality of praise and blame and how people’s feelings play a roll. I noticed today that my wife with BPD is a grudge collector. She holds onto blame from others for a long time. Judgments made about her actions and times that she has been blamed about things (especially when she feels she was NOT a fault) are repeated time and time again in our house. I suppose she ruminates on the perceived humiliation from these incidents. She also craves recognition for her “special abilities” such as her large vocabulary…
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Recommended Reading List Updated
What are the best books for non-borderlines out there? Find out with the updated recommended reading list. The new list contains more first-hand accounts, Kindle editions and the latest research on borderline personality disorder (BPD). To access the recommended reading list click here. No related posts.
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Reinforcement and “Behaving Better”
Reinforcement, especially positive reinforcement, is a powerful teaching tool. You could more accurately say “training” tool. You have probably used reinforcement in your life without even realizing it. Consider potty training. If you have ever potty-trained (or as many modern texts call it “toilet taught”) a toddler, you know how difficult that task can be. However, all kids eventually learn to use the potty – I don’t know of a case of a kid going into high school without knowing how to use the potty. Potty training provides an excellent example of positive reinforcement and the ignoring of “backsliding.” That is the essence of this tool. When you teach a…
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Holy Cow! An Amazon Review for When Hope is Not Enough
Bon Dobb’s book, “When Hope is Not Enough” is bar none, hands down the single best how-to book I’ve ever read. I wish I were more eloquent, for this book deserves a far better review than I am able to offer. Out of the dozens of relationship books I’ve read over the last three and half years, this is the ONLY one that actually made a difference. My wife and I were on the verge of divorce and I had just moved out of the house when someone turned me onto Bon Dobb’s book. I read it in two days and, when my wife called me on the evening of…
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But I Love You Now Available in Kindle Edition
My “primer” book But I Love You is now available as a Kindle eBook. Like my other two books: When Hope is Not Enough (the big, green book) and Beyond Boundaries (the advanced guide) you can now read But I Love You on the Kindle. A note about But I Love You: This “primer” grew out of my book “When Hope is Not Enough: a how-to guide for living with and loving someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.” If you have read that book, you will not find much new material in this one. There are a couple of new things (most notably, the “cheerleading” tool), which do not appear in…
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Beyond Boundaries eBook now available on the Kindle!
I am pleased to announce that my eBook Beyond Boundaries is now available on the Kindle (and other Kindle format devices/readers). The price has been dropped dramatically because I had to remove the graphs, pictures and change the format slightly to make the content make sense on the Kindle. Some information about Beyond Boundaries: My new eBook needs some explaining I think… It is an attempt of mine to bring together the ideas that I presented in “When Hope is Not Enough” plus some new ideas with which I have been working. I adjusted my “model” of BPD slightly beyond that which was presented in “When Hope is Not Enough”.…