Net BPD Myth Debunking from “Tides…”

A few weeks ago I discovered the “Tides of Crazy Love Blog,” which is written by someone I “know” (meaning I know her via an email board). I LOVE her writing. I really do. Recently, she started “debunking” Internet myths and misunderstanding about BPD. More power to her! Here is an excerpt from her debunking the “Rules of Engagement” from BPD411.org (the first paragraph comes from BPD411.org):

“Rule #5: If at any time the Non figures out the Rules of Engagement for BPD Land, the BPD’er must change the situation, rewrite history, and thereby purchase the Non a one way ticket back to BPD Land.” (BON Note: this is excerpted from rules of engagement)”

[Oh, good grief! This rule is crazy-making to me! Sheesh! The author writes as if the BP has the ability to come up with some big elaborate plan to drink, steal, cheat and lie. I’m beginning to think this person was dealing with an NP or an anti-social-type, not a BP. (Or MAYBE she was an NP and was merely projecting her own inner motives behind why she feels BPs do what they do. BTW, I suspect that some nons do come out of BP relationships with many more narcisistic characterists than they went in with… especially when abuse is part of the history between them. This seems to be the case with my mother and my MIL, anyway.)

Again, BPs impulsively react during moments of dysregulation… initially in response to a feeling (anxiety or fear, oftentimes) and their behavior can escalate as a result of their thoughts when they believe someone has invalidated their feeling (judged/persecuted them.) Their instinctive (or possibly “learned” in abusive situations) nature is to please, they suffer incredible amounts of shame… therefore, why would they PLAN to be bad? The fact is, most never learned how to do this “planning” thing effectively, which is why they are so prone to total freak-outs. They don’t know what else to do at that moment to make themselves feel better. In addition, they sit around ruminating about their own mistakes so much, they don’t have time to come up with a plan for their own healing, much less a plan for anything else. They live in the moment.

Yes, that’s exactly it. I’d love to post “Tides…” complete debunking posts. They’re great. Check them out here:

http://thetidesofcrazylove.blogspot.com/2008/07/net-debunk-introduction.html

http://thetidesofcrazylove.blogspot.com/2008/07/net-debunk-rules-of-engagement-for-bpd.html

http://thetidesofcrazylove.blogspot.com/2008/07/net-debunk-rules-of-engagement-for-bpd_14.html