Anything to Stop the Pain - BPD and Non-BPs

Hi all. I stumbled across this petition about Effexor… thought it might apply to some of your BP’s if they have ever taken the stuff. I used to call the stuff Side-Effexor because of all the negative side effects that stuff caused. Anyway here’s the link if it applies to you: http://www.petitiononline.com/effexor/

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.25.2008 :: Medication :: 2 Comments »

After reviewing Mrs. Treasure’s article on BPD and Demonic Possession, I decided to read at least some of her other posts at AssociatedContent.com. I wanted to find out if she had posted more on Borderline Personality Disorder and why she decided to post on the disorder in the first place. I think she must believe that her new husband’s ex-wife has the disorder, because she wrote another article called “10 Ways to Handle a Difficult Ex? Focus on Borderline Personality Disorder” which refers to the person with BPD as “she” throughout. I’m not going to agree or disagree with the content of that article.

I also found an article called “Spiritual Glasses to Understand the Difficult Child” which was described with the question: When you get frustrated with your child, what is the most effective discipline? I was intrigued and decided to read the article.

I have to say, I was surprised by the wisdom in some of her comments. I find it interesting that what she says about children can be applied directly to people with BPD. Consider the following:

If your child is a chronic liar, parents worry and panic. The spiritual glasses allow you to see a very insecure child with poor self concept or image. Are your expectations of him too high? Why does he feel worthless? Is he bullied around by friends or older siblings?

I get more searches on this blog for “lying,” “liars,” “chronic liars,” etc. than about anything else. (Actually to be honest the most searches I get are about “celebrities with BPD” or some variant of that, but lying-related searches come in a close second.) I’d like to take her words and apply them to BPD and replace the words “spiritual glasses” with “emotional glasses.” I think if you look at a chronic liar, which many people with BPD are, you will find that one motivation for lying is a poor self image, feeling worthless or insecurity. These concepts are interrelated and spring from shame. People with BPD do have a poor self-image. Even though many nons report that their loved one with BPD is selfish or narcissistic, in reality people with BPD actually hate themselves. This feeling arises from shame as well, but the shame also arises from emotional invalidation. Mrs. Treasures doesn’t really provide a prescription for dealing with a liar, other than not to label (judge) the child as a “difficult child” right away and try to understand them and set proper expectations. The same can be said of a non’s relationship with a BP. Judging their behavior as “difficult” right away or setting expectations too high can invalidate the BP’s emotional responses. This sets up an “invalidating environment” for the child’s emotions and the effects of an invalidating environment are summarized by Dr. Marsha Linehan:

[The] effect of an invalidating environment, especially when basic emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness are invalidated, is that a person in such an environment does not learn when to trust her own emotional responses as valid reflections of individual and situational events. Thus, she is unable to validate and trust herself… If communication of negative emotions is punished, as it often is in invalidating environment, then a response of shame follows experiencing the intense emotion in the first place and expressing it publicly in the second.[i]

 

If a person is unable to trust herself, she can not validate herself and a “response of shame follows” emotional experiences. That is one pathway to BPD. If you punish a child for feeling inadequate, for example, if the child is lying to you because he wants to make himself feel better about himself, then you are invalidating his emotional responses.

Mrs. Treasures also say this about temper tantrums:

For your younger children showing tantrums and hitting other siblings, the spiritual glasses permit you to see a child struggling to deal with his immature emotions. The child’s frustration is his inability to communicate his feelings and needs to his siblings.

Again, if we substitute “emotional glasses” for “spiritual glasses” and “BP” for “child,” I believe she is accurately describing the state of someone with BPD. People with BPD are emotionally immature. It’s not their fault; it’s just that they were not raised in an emotionally supportive environment. They feel that by feeling emotions intensely, they are wrong and should be punished. Again, the shame comes into play. They do have an “inability to communicate [their] feelings.” Because of the invalidating environment, the BP becomes unable to trust her own emotions and becomes frustrated and angry. THAT is what fuels rage more than anything.

OK, now what do you do to counter-act an invalidating environment (with both children and BPs)? You learn to validate their emotional responses. I have quite a few examples of validation techniques on this site and if you follow this link, you can read about validation.

[i] Linehan, Marsha, Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder, pg 72

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.25.2008 :: Parenting, Emotions, Anger, Validation, Lying :: 1 Comment »

This post is a response to my last post about Demonic Possession and Borderline Personality Disorder. OK, maybe responding to my own post is “navel gazing” on my part, but I have been thinking about that post since I wrote it. I certainly didn’t want my readers to believe that I am anti-religious – I am not.

What irked me so about the “Mrs. Treasures” article about Demonic Possession and BPD was that it was indicative of a cognitive distortion that people with BPD often exhibit and one that can be transmitted to the Non-BP over time. That cognitive distortion is black-and-white thinking. It is the tendency for someone to think that something or someone is all good or all bad – good or evil. Framing BPD as analogous to demonic possession puts the borderline in the evil category and infers that the BP is a non’s enemy. People with BPD are not evil; they have a serious mental illness with areas of dysregulation, including behavioral dysregulation. Calling them evil is about as judgmental as one can be and being judgmental is counter-productive when it comes to supporting the healing of a loved one with BPD. That sentence brings me to another point. Mrs. Treasures uses the term “loved one” (and lover) several times in her article, but she expresses little love or sympathy for someone with BPD. If this person is your “loved one” aren’t you inclined to exhibit love toward them? The example that she cites in her article is from “Patrick” who is, of course, an ex-husband of a manipulative borderline woman. Since he is an ex-husband, I suppose he no longer considers his ex-wife a loved one.

And that brings me to another point that I have trouble with – especially in the online support community for nons. It is the fact that many people like to cite Hitler as an example of a historical borderline by stating something to the effect of “you know, arguably the most evil person in history was a borderline.” First of all, although some ex post facto psychological researchers have decided Hitler had BPD, others state that his mental disorders most likely arose from NPD or from an addiction to amphetamines. Certainly, considering yourself the savior of your nation, your race and the world would seem narcissistic to me anyway. Even though “narcissistic behavior” is stated in “Stop Walking on Eggshells” (SWOE) as a symptom of BPD, it is not really a primary symptom. It instead arises from black-and-white thinking and as a counter-balance to shame. It is not mentioned as one of the nine features of BPD in the DSM-IV. It is however mentioned as a primary feature of NPD.

Hitler’s evil arose not from his supposed borderline personality disorder. It arose from his “will to power” and his setting up an enemy (or several: the Jews, the Poles, the Allies, People with Mental Retardation, the Communists, etc.) that deserved death. He viewed these groups less than human and as an evil plague to the German people. Eradication was the only answer in his mind (or in the mind’s of those around him). That will to power is at the root of all big, historical evils in my opinion. You see it in Pol Pot, in Stalin, in Mao and in many others. The key point is that Hitler set up an “us vs. them” situation in which the German people had to fight to the death with their sworn enemies. If you consider a person with BPD evil (demonic) and yourself as good (Godly), you are setting up the same sort of dynamic with this other person. (OK, I’m not calling anyone Hitler here).

Technically, Hitler couldn’t be diagnosed with BPD (at least by American standards) because the diagnosis didn’t exist in the DSM until 1980. The word “borderline” has been around for a lot longer than that, but the actual diagnosis didn’t get codified until 1980. The diagnosis was still used though – as it was used for Susanna Kaysen (author of “Girl Interrupted”) in the 1960s.

The historical example of BPD I like to reference (instead of Hitler) is Princess Diana. According to one of her chroniclers, Princess Di had BPD. Based on what I’ve read about her behavior (including bulimia, raging and cutting), if anyone was a likely candidate for BPD in history it’s Princess Di. What is extraordinarily sad about Princess Di was that she had to live much of her life in a fishbowl. That had to be extremely stressful for her. She was also capable of compassion for those in difficult situations, although ultimately Princess Di was a tragic figure and, in my opinion, more representational (than Hitler) of what the experience of a borderline is like.

Before you (as a non) decide that your “loved one” with BPD is evil, I suggest taking a step back and considering how tragic and painful the experience of BPD can be. Think of Princess Di, not Hitler.

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.25.2008 :: Celebrities, Odds and Ends, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 1 Comment »

I wish that author of this article was kidding, but she’s not. She appears to be a devout Catholic, which is fine with me, but comparing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) to demonic possession? I’m sorry, but I can’t let this article go unanswered. She clearly knows little of the dynamics of BPD. I have no idea why she decided to write this article or how she has any knowledge of BPD. OK, before I start, I just want to note that I am not criticizing religion or Christianity or Catholicism. Please don’t bombard me with that kind of email and comments. I am looking at the text of a specific article to try and understand what happens when you look at BPD as a spiritual struggle of good vs evil.

So here goes:

She says:

Dealing with Borderlines is like a spiritual warfare.

It is? How so? The remainder of the article doesn’t really answer that question.

She says:

What strange traits does a Borderline have that look like demon possession? Low, rasping moans and screams were escaping her mouth, which brought chills down your spine. You looked at her face and saw dark coal eyes, and as the moment intensified, her eyes turned red. Her transformation let you step back as you heard her laughing like a witch. She cursed and cussed you. Her stern voice turned to the most hideous sound you could imagine. In front of you was a woman with a pure-red face spitting anger and rage. It was scary.

Who is “you” in this? The woman’s husband? Where did this come from? “Low, rasping moans and screams”? I’m not sure where this incident comes from or who it is attributed to. I have certainly been the subject of rages in my years as a Non-BP, but this?

She says:

This scene is common among people with relationships with a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

It is? How does she know? From where does she gain such knowledge. Is it common among people she knows or what? I have been running an Internet List for Non-BP’s for almost three years now. I have found that this type of experience occurs sometimes within a Non-BP/BP relationship, but common? Hmmm….

She says:

“Life is hell” described literally by NONs or non-borderlines, a person who does not have BPD but has a loved one with BPD.

And yes, that is true. Life can seem like hell for Non-BPs (and BPs alike). My question is: From whom did she get this knowledge?

She says:

According to BorderlineCentral.com, Borderline Personality Disorder is a “real, diagnosable psychiatric disorder, and its criteria are listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV) published by the American Psychiatric Association.” There has been a stigma in the past for personality disorders such as BPD as a form of demonic possession. Up until the 19th century, personality disorders such as BPD began to take the form of “hysteria” in psychiatry.

OK, so it is a “real, diagnosable psychiatric disorder,” right? And that “there has been a stigma in the past for personality disorders such as BPD as a form of demonic possession.” So, let’s perpetuate that stigma, shall we? I mean, in one sentence she cites a source saying that BPD is a psychiatric disorder and in the next she mentions that in the past there has been a stigma of demonic possession? Where is the rational line of thought here?

She says:

Many articles have emerged on a possible link between demon possession and Borderline Personality Disorder.

Many articles? In respected journals or no? By BPD experts or no? Where are these articles?

She says:

Christopher H. Rosik in his article from the Journal of Psychology and Theology stated that “They have altered personalities and often exhibit behaviors that appear identical to traditional descriptions of possession: evil-appearing glares, angry voices, self-hatred, self-harm, aversion to God and religion, and other symptoms.”

Alright, I’ve got about 20 problems with this. First of all Christopher Rosik, Ph. D. was a past president of the “Christian Association for Psychological Studies” (see http://www.capswest.org/new/boardpage.asp). He participated as a psychologist in a forum entitled ” Critical Issues in the Dissociative Disorders Field: Six Perspectives from Religiously Sensitive Practitioners” and authored the transcript and review of a compilation of the study (see this link). He consistently publishes in the “Journal of Psychology and Theology” which is not a main-line psychological journal. It is one dedicated to the following purpose:

Purpose

The purpose of the Journal of Psychology and Theology is to communicate recent scholarly thinking on the interrelationships of psychological and theological concepts, and to consider the application of these concepts to a variety of professional settings. The major intent of the editor is to place before the evangelical community articles that have bearing on the nature of humankind from a biblical perspective. (see https://wisdom.biola.edu/jpt/about.cfm)

So, there’s the source with which I have an initial problem.

Then there’s the content of the quote. He states:

…appear identical to traditional descriptions of possession: evil-appearing glares, angry voices, self-hatred, self-harm, aversion to God and religion….

“Traditional descriptions of possession?” Perhaps those “traditional descriptions” were not describing possession at all, but were instead describing a psychiatric disorder as mentioned above? By “linking” traditional descriptions of possession and behaviors that are sometimes included in BPD, he tries to create validity for traditional descriptions of possession that is just not there. I could do the same thing with any “traditional description” of behavior that has been attributed to a believed cause in the past. In Salem, during the witch hysteria, we could call these people witches, correct? Does that lend any credence whatsoever to the fact that they are or are not witches?

Now, the behaviors he describes:

evil-appearing glares…

Evil to whom?

…aversion to God and religion…

Wait a minute here. I have found that many BPs (though certainly not all) have an attachment to religion, particularly to the fundamentalist Christian faith. There are at least five to ten examples that I could cite from my Internet List of extremely devout Christian BPs. In some senses, they seem to be drawn to the idea of judgment of themselves and others and strict religious views actually reinforce the sense of judgment. They find themselves and others to be all good (in God’s graces) or all evil (in the hands of the devil). This is a function of black-and-white thinking, not temporary demonic possession.

The author of this article goes on to cite a case of an ex-husband (of course an ex) whose ex-wife had “borderline personality disorder.” I put it in quotes because I don’t know if this woman was diagnosed. The author describes some behavior that might indicate BPD - jealously, emptiness, rage, manipulation, etc. - but we don’t know if the ex-husband is reporting all this truthfully and, if he is, whether the condition is another disorder. Let’s assume the ex-wife does have BPD. Some of the language used to describe her behavior is clearly judgmental such as:

With children she can use as pawns, Renee became a very manipulative person.

To get what she wants, Renee snatched her children out-of-state to pressure Patrick to her whims. Patrick was hesitant to marry her.

She would wait all day counting the minutes until he returns home and gives him a guilt trip for her feelings of emptiness.

To free herself from the shame and guilt of her decision, she brainwashed the children on the evils of their faith.

And some of the text doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me:

He was now very familiar with Renee’s mood swings. It alternates with periods of intense depression.

What alternates with periods of depression? As for mood swings, yes, that is the whole nature of the disorder. Then we hear that the ex-wife:

She dabbled into wicca, tarot cards, new age and psychic readings. She went to party at night and eventually found a lover 11 years her junior.

Well, if she “dabbled into wicca, tarot cards, new age and psychic readings” she must be possessed huh? And how does finding a lover 11 years her junior go into the same paragraph as “dabbling” in those things? Are they equivalent?

Now we get a real kicker:

The children have not been going to their church for a long time after the couple’s separation. So Patrick brought a holy “host” from the Catholic Church so the older children can receive Holy Communion. In the Catholic Church, Holy Communion is actually receiving “Jesus Christ” and is held with much reverence. Upon seeing this, Renee burst into an uncontrollable anger. She screamed like a possessed woman and ran to the hosts. She grabbed them, threw them on the floor and stamped her feet hoping to crush the host into pieces. This act is considered “sacrilegious” in the Catholic Church and may be considered comparable to a demonic possession.

So, the wife doesn’t want the religion of her ex-husband in her house. Her impulsive and out-of-portion reaction is typical of emotional dysregulation. However, according to the author she “screamed like a possessed woman” (again, like a possessed woman to whom?). Then she committed a sacrilegious (in quotes for some unknown reason) act - one that the Catholic Church “may consider comparable to demonic possession.” OK, well… if the Catholic Church “may” consider it “comparable to demonic possession,” is it an indication of possession or not? And, again, what authority does the Catholic Church have in the area of psychiatric disorders? Either it’s a psychiatric disorder or it is possession, right? Or could it be both? Clearly, the author is exposing her own biases toward the beliefs of the Catholic Church, rather than an intimate knowledge of the dynamic underpinnings of BPD.

She goes on to say:

The once attractive spouses that enchanted NONs turn into gruesome-looking beings with glaring, black coal eyes turning red and watery.

They do? Dang, I better watch out for that transformation. I know that people with BPD can get hateful and hateful-looking when angry, but everyone gets that way when that angry. BPs have trouble regulating their emotions and emotions feed other emotions. Sure, you get a very angry person, but that is all you have, not a demonical possessed person.

She goes on:

Most NONs claim that their BPD lover’s demeanor changes abruptly. They had a sneer on their faces and acted as if they were in another dimension. They would flinch whenever Jesus Christ or God was mentioned. They would scream with the worst blasphemy one could imagine. It is surprising how many NONs experience similar mannerisms and facial expressions from their Borderline loved ones.

“Most” NONs? From which source does she get that data? How many NONs has she talked with? I have talked with literally hundreds, in-person and online, and, while they are clearly exasperated by their BPs behavior, I’m not sure how “it is surprising how many NONs experience similar mannerisms…” is being backed up here. If someone is angry, sure, they will have certain facial expressions and mannerisms, but that is true of anyone, not just BPs. The key is what to do about it.

Oh and as for BPs that “flinch whenever Jesus Christ or God was mentioned” - that has not been my experience. Where did she get that? As I have said several BPs I know use Jesus or God to judge others and themselves. The idea that there can be an ultimate decider of good and evil can be very attractive to someone with BPD.

OK, some more:

Demon possession in itself is a taboo subject. But for non-Christians, the evils of Borderlines must have another rational explanation.

Well, I suppose it is a “taboo subject” because it is hogwash. Then she says, “But for non-Christians…” - why use the word “but”? To me it makes no sense. As for the “evils” that “must have another rational explanation” - uh, yeah, it is called a psychiatric disorder that involves dsyregulation is several areas. The foremost of these areas are emotional dysregulation, impulsiveness and shame. I wonder if telling someone with a psychiatric disorder that they might have difficulty controlling without medication and therapy that they are possessed by demonic forces might cause more shame and fear in them. Hmmm? Maybe we need to start calling people with cancer sinners that deserve what they get. I’m sure most tumors, genetic diseases, mental disorders, malformations and skin rashes all have a spiritual dimension. Perhaps it is the sins of the fathers being visited upon the children?

And yet more:

However, they do not deny how a Borderline’s presence exhibits darkness, lies, betrayal, greed, addiction, abuse, pride, control, manipulation, hatred and rebellion. All are elements of spiritual bondage yielding sin.

Great. I can’t think of anything more invalidating to a person with an emotional disorder to compare their state with demonic possession. I mean, think about it. Let’s suppose you are angry at something and your NON says, “Well, the reason that you feel this way and act this way is that you are possessed with a demon.” That’s worst than, “You’re crazy” is it not? Or maybe it can get the BP out of some blame for his or her actions. After all, if the devil made you do it….

The point is this woman is being extremely invalidating to the BPs whatever her point and conclusion. That sort of invalidation is something that has contributed to the disorder all a BP’s life. Calling a person with BPD a “possessed” person is extremely invalidating to the person’s emotional responses. And, what if the borderline is your child? The author seems only to be addressing “BP lovers” here, but if your child is borderline, is she also “possessed”?

She then says:

Patrick did his best to get help for Renee. Patrick sought the help of his spiritual director in the hope of finding answers to his predicament.

Well, I’m not sure that Patrick “did his best to get help” for his Ex. The author certainly doesn’t convince me he did his best. First of all, you can’t “get help” for another person. I’m sorry but that just upsets a person with BPD. If you are saying essentially, “You need help” or “You have a mental problem” or worse “You are possessed by a demon” I don’t call that “doing one’s best.” Maybe instead of (or better in addition to) going to his spiritual advisor he could have looked into DBT and DBT family skills, Patrick could have done a little better than his best.

OK, there’s still more:

His spiritual director advised that he remain steadfast in his prayers and God will hear him. With trust in God, Patrick focused on saving his children. He taught his children to pray together and pray for their Borderline mother. One day, Renee found the children an inconvenience and decided to give custody to Patrick.

Well, I glad the praying worked for “Patrick” (not his real name). Actually, prayer is suggested by DBT as a way to help tolerate distress. I still wonder though, based on the configuration of this paragraph, whether the prayer caused Renee to find the children an “inconvenience”? I guess so.

OK, now for her conclusion:

The Borderline exhibits traits and characteristics similar to a person being possessed or oppressed.

There seems to be a major hedging here. “Possessed or oppressed?” Which is it?

It seems that possession is a fact in this author’s mind, so no need to question the actual existence of possession, right?

Now she says:

Many believe that evil preys on the weaknesses of people.

“Many?” OK, who? What does one back that statement up with? And also, evil as a spiritual force seems to be a given here.

And now we get:

Many NONs, who have successfully departed from the vicious relationship with a Borderline, swear that their Borderlines Ex have been taken over by “something”.

Of course they have “departed from the vicious relationship.” And they should be listened to? Why is it that all the ex-es rule the day when it comes to the opinions of the borderline’s behavior? How about actually educating yourself about BPD and then deciding what is actually happening? Sure, these people are taken over by “something” - it’s called strong negative emotions and it happens to everyone from time-to-time. It probably happens more often to someone with BPD, because of the nature of the disorder, not because there are demonic forces at work.

Now she says:

When we deal with evil, there is no recourse but to look at things from a spiritual dimension.

Oh really? OK, well who decided that the BP is evil, not just sick or mentally disabled, she is EVIL! And, “no recourse but to look at things from a spiritual dimension?” Says who? The author? God? True evil, if it exists and I might argue that it does in certain people (but not demonic possession, just evil and destructive thoughts and actions), can be dealt with by applying human morals, resolve and compassion. The idea that in order for evil to exist there must be a force that drives evil instead of say, mental disease, is not a leap that I am willing to take. Clearly, the author has already taken this leap in her faith and has decided that, if evil exists, then evil spiritual force also must be at work.

Now she says:

There are a few treatment options for BPD.

Well, actually, there are many treatment options for BPD and some are more effective than others. DBT, SFT and Mentalization have all been shown more effective than therapy-as-usual when it comes to BPD. The increase of acceptance + mindfulness with traditional CBT also seems to be effective in treating BPD.

And she concludes with this:

Dealing with the evil and chaos of the relationship with a Borderline can be analogous to a spiritual warfare. The spiritual warrior must seek to constantly strengthen himself in an understanding of God’s truth. As you struggle to deal with the chaos and oppression, trust God for He will lead you to the truth. He will be the only armor you’ll need for shield and protection. God’s matchless weapons are mercy and peace.

I wonder why she bothers to hedge yet again with the phrase “can be analogous to”? I mean, if spiritual forces are at work and it is a war between good and evil being fought on a spiritual dimension, then why bother? Clearly the NON is on the side of good and Godliness (if he/she “seeks to constantly strengthen himself”) and the BP is one the side of the demonic and evil forces. In her opinion as we struggle to “deal with the chaos and oppression,” trusting in God is the answer to lead you to the truth - although I am having difficulty making heads or tails of the truth in her article. Is she saying that BPD = demonic possession or BPD is like demonic possession - and, if it is the latter - why do we have to make use of our spiritual warfare stances to deal with this “evil?”

I’d like to conclude by stating two reasons that I bothered to review this article in such detail. One is that I think that comparing BPD to demonic possession merely further strengthens an “us vs. them” mentality that has already been perpetuated all over the Internet and in books for Nons. It is a basic misunderstanding of the disorder and invalidates the natural responses of the sufferer. Plus, if they believe you are against them and judge them as evil, you’re in for a whole lot of trouble. Secondly, I am not dismissing that prayer can offer solace to anyone, including the Nons. At the same time, my prescription for a Non is not to rely entirely on prayer. It is instead to learn the dynamics of the disorder and acquire the emotional skills necessary to more effectively handle a person with BPD.

Calling them possessed or evil is just going to make things much worse.

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.24.2008 :: Odds and Ends, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 6 Comments »

The judge in the Paul McCartney/Heather Mills divorce case has released the judgment to the public. It can be found here: Judge’s Decision. I have included this post here, because Heather Mills almost made my top five potential celebrity BPs. Here are some juicy details from the judgement. The judge was not too kind to Ms. Mills:

But I regret to have to say I cannot say the same about the wife’s evidence. Having watched and listened to her give evidence, having studied the documents, and having given in her favour every allowance for the enormous strain she must have been under (and in conducting her own case) I am driven to the conclusion that much of her evidence, both written and oral, was not just inconsistent and inaccurate but also less than candid. Overall she was a less than impressive witness.
….

The proposed Amended Petition alleged a number of matters against the wife of verbal abuse, extreme jealousy, false accusations of violence, and that throughout the marriage the wife had shown a consistent inability to tell the truth.
….

I assume for the purpose of this judgment only that in those interviews the wife lost her cool completely, went right over the top, and behaved in an erratic, out of control, and vengeful manner.

Ouch! OK, I took them out of context, but still - ouch!

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.18.2008 :: Celebrities, Odds and Ends, Blame, Lying :: No Comments »

Ruminating is the name I have given to the propensity of BPs to have “worry thoughts” about events and to turn them over-and-over in their mind. These events are usually in the past, although sometimes they can be about the possibly of future events linked with past events. Ruminating is an extended form of worry and anxiety in which the sufferer will examine events with an eye to find malignant intentions of others or judgments of themselves. Ruminating can lead to paranoia regarding the intentions of others.

When emotionally dysregulated a person with BPD is experiencing strong emotions in the moment, but the meaning of those emotions is almost always linked to something in the past that they are angry about or something in the future that they fear. This is an aspect of “ruminating.” It is a thought pattern that turns things over-and-over in their mind, looking for danger or embarrassment in situations. It is very “not in the moment.”

Often, the ruminating will extend over long periods of time, from hours to days, and will cause the person with BPD to look for hostile meanings to interactions with others. During this “search for meaning” the person with BPD may ask others about what they meant by certain actions or words while clearly implying that the BP believes that the other person is judging them or angry at them. Ruminating is a form of personalization and fear of judgment. The person with BPD will likely feel that situations which are not “about them” are, in fact, not only “about them” but are exclusively about how they feel about the situation.

Ruminating can lead to emotional reasoning – the situation in which a person’s feelings equal actual facts. If they feel that there is a malicious intent or a negative judgment in a given situation, there MUST be one and ruminating is a method of finding this negative and/or judgmental meaning. Ruminating most often occurs when a person with BPD either has time on their hands or is bored. It also can occur as the person with BPD tries and fails to fall asleep.
Ruminating can be combated with distraction with something the BP enjoys and engages their mind. Physical activities are a good salve for ruminating. Mindfulness, which is a component of DBT, also helps stop ruminating because the point of mindfulness is to be “in the moment” and not consider past or future events.

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.10.2008 :: Mindfulness, DBT, Borderline Personality Disorder :: 1 Comment »

This morning I read an article about Amy Winehouse supposedly putting a cigarette out on her cheek. Of course Winehouse is the #1 candidate on my list of possible celebrity Borderline Personality Sufferers. Here is a copy of the article and a link to one version on the Internet:

Singer reported to have self-harmed in restaurant

Amy Winehouse reportedly stubbed a cigarette out on her own cheek in a restaurant.

The troubled singer was apparently having a crafty fag as she sat with pals in a London eatery last week.

But when a waitress asked her to stop smoking, it’s claimed she pushed the burning ciggie into her own skin.

‘She was so out of it she didn’t feel the pain,’ an onlooker tells The Sun.

‘Everyone else looked completely stunned. The waitress covered her mouth in shock and just walked off to tell the manager. It was a horrible sight.’

Last week, Amy, 24, was snapped with a swollen infection on her face, which her spokesman said was impetigo.

Meanwhile, jailed husband Blake Fielder-Civil, 25, is in a bad way himself.

It’s claimed he’s been self-harming in Pentonville Prison, where he is being held on charges of assault and conspiracy to pervert the course of justice.

A cry for help perhaps? Or just an impulsive action to show her disapproval for having to put out the butt? Usually, people with BPD use self-harm for pain relief, but this doesn’t seem to be the case with Amy Winehouse.

Bon Dobbs :: Mar.06.2008 :: Celebrities, Impulsiveness, Self-Injury :: 2 Comments »