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BPD, lying and the nature of truth
One of the most searched-upon subjects in this blog (and talked about in our ATSTP Google Group) is the subject of lying by someone with BPD. The nons are confused by untruthfulness on the part of someone with BPD and wonder how the person with BPD can have any credibility or trustworthiness when, clearly, they continue to tell bold-faced lies. In my response to a recent poster within the ATSTP group, I recently made a new revelation about truthfulness and lying by someone with BPD. I have long said that someone will lie when telling to truth would cause more emotional suffering than lying would. However, that statement seems to…
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Mindfulness and Acceptance
I found this in the Amazon blog of the guy who was the editor of the Mindfulness and Acceptance book… (snip) Acceptance, mindfulness, values – how do we use them in dealing with our emotions? We need to: Learn to accept our feelings, without being dictated to by them and without quickly acting to remove ones we do not like. Trying to get rid of feelings only drives them underground, while simultaneously giving them more capacity to control behavior without our awareness. Acceptance of emotion requires another step, however. Learn to watch our thoughts, without reflexively adopting the worldview mindlessly structured by them. Thoughts are easily programmed, and they are…
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Emotional Literacy
On a site that I previously mentioned, I found the top ten ways to improve emotional literacy. 1. Become emotionally literate. Label your feelings, rather than labeling people or situations. “I feel impatient.” vs “This is ridiculous.” I feel hurt and bitter”. vs. “You are an insensitive jerk.” “I feel afraid.” vs. “You are driving like a idiot.” 2. Distinguish between thoughts and feelings. Thoughts: I feel like…& I feel as if…. & I feel that Feelings: I feel: (feeling word) 3. Take more responsibility for your feelings. “I feel jealous.” vs. “You are making me jealous.” 4. Use your feelings to help them make decisions. “How will I feel…
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WNYC Program on BPD
More Americans suffer from borderline personality disorder than either bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but few know much about it. Leonard talks to Dr. Frank Yeomans, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the Weill Medical College, and Christina Knight, and Kiera Van Gelder, two people recovering from BPD. Get her book: No related posts.
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A Response with DBT Skills
Below is a response I gave to a member with a girlfriend with maldapative BPD responses: The purpose is really about HER and not you though. She thinks that she is not lovable and is a bad person and is shameful inside. So when you tell her or show her that she is not unlovable she feels a little better. The big problem in this dynamic is the middle steps and the assumption that she can only get validation from the outside. She needs to learn a new way to solicit what she needs without using FOG. She just knows no other way. A good way to do this is…
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Using DBT Skills to Help the Relationship
The danger of seeing validation as an end-all, be-all is clear from our last few messages. In DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness section there are (at least) 3 skills that are separate and distinct. They are used in different circumstances and can be used in combination. They are: 1) GIVE 2) FAST 3) DEAR MAN GIVE is used to “keep the relationship” and can be used when OTHER people have strong feelings. The GIVE skills are: Gentle (Be) Interested (Act) Validate Easy Manner (Use an) FAST is used to keep you self-respect. THe FAST skills are: Fair (be) Apologies (no) Stick to values Truthful (be) Last, DEAR MAN is used to get…