Anything to Stop the Pain - BPD and Non-BPs

Site proposing the use of DBT skills to help with addictive behaviors and recovery. Here’s a quick snip:

Our goal is to help facilitate adoption of DBT in the “recovery” community by providing resources, community features and detailed information and lessons. We based our content on Dialectic Behavior Therapy (DBT) techniques and skills, addressed to people with impulse problems such as compulsive gambling, alcoholism, overeating, compulsive shopping and others.

DBT, a psychological approach, based on Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Mindfulness. It’s been used quite successfully for over a decade to treat serious Personality Disorders. In recent years, therapists and clinics have been adapting DBT to treat a wide range of issues, including addictions and impulse disorders.

<a href=”http://www.truerecovery.org/”>http://www.truerecovery.org/</a>

bon :: Sep.29.2006 :: Substance Abuse, DBT :: No Comments »

I found this list of invalidating phrases on another site. I think we nons can learn a lot from this list. Invalidation is weird - and it is a natural reaction to what we think is “crazy” behavior and feelings:

“Ordering” the BP to Feel Differently

Smile.
Be happy.
Cheer up
Lighten up.
Get over it.
Grow up
Get a life
Don’t cry.
Don’t worry.
Don’t be sad.
Stop whining
Stop laughing..
Don’t get angry
Deal with it.
Give it a rest.
Forget about it.
Stop complaining.
Don’t be so dramatic.
Don’t be so sensitive.
Stop being so emotional.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
Stop taking everything so personally

Ordering the BP to “look” differently

Don’t look so sad.
Don’t look so smug.
Don’t look so down.
Don’t look like that.
Don’t make that face.
Don’t look so serious.
Don’t look so proud of yourself.
Don’t look so pleased with yourself.

Denying the BP’s Perception, Defending

But of course I respect you.
But I do listen to you.
That is ridiculous (nonsense, totally absurd, etc.)
I was only kidding.
I honestly don’t judge you as much as you think.

Trying to Make the BP Feel Guilty While Invalidating the BP

I tried to help you..
At least I …..
At least you….
You are making everyone else miserable.

Trying to Isolate the BP

You are the only one who feels that way.
It doesn’t bother anyone else, why should it bother you?

Minimizing the BP’s Feelings

You must be kidding.
You can’t be serious.
It can’t be that bad.
Your life can’t be that bad.
You are just … (being difficult; being dramatic, in a bad mood, tired, etc)
It’s nothing to get upset over.
It’s not worth getting that upset over.
There’s nothing wrong with you.

Using Reason

There is no reason to get upset.
You are not being rational.
But it doesn’t make any sense to feel that way.
Let’s look at the facts.
Let’s stick to the facts.
But if you really think about it….

Debating

I don’t always do that.
It’s not that bad. (that far, that heavy, that hot, that serious, etc.)

Judging & Labeling the BP

You are a cry baby.
You have a problem.
You are too sensitive.
You are over-reacting. You are too thin-skinned.
You are way too emotional.
You are an insensitive jerk. .
You need to get your head examined!
You are impossible to talk to.
You are impossible.
You are hopeless.

Turning Things Around

You are making a big deal out of nothing.
You are blowing this way out of proportion.
You are making a mountain out of a molehill.

Trying to get the BP to question himself/herself

What is your problem?
What’s wrong with you?
What’s the matter with you?
Why can’t you just get over it?
Why do you always have to ….?
Is that all you can do, complain?
Why are you making such a big deal over it?
What’s wrong with you, can’t you take a joke?
How can you let a little thing like that bother you?
Don’t you think you are being a little dramatic?
Do you really think that crying about it is going to help anything?

Telling the BP How he/she “Should” Feel or Act

You should be excited.
You should be thrilled.
You should feel guilty.
You should feel thankful that…
You should be happy that ….
You should be glad that …
You should just drop it.
You shouldn’t worry so much.
You shouldn’t let it bother you.
You should just forget about it.
You should feel ashamed of yourself.
You shouldn’t wear your heart out on your sleeve.
You shouldn’t say that about your father.

Defending The Other Person

Maybe they were just having a bad day.
I am sure she didn’t mean it like that.
You just took it wrong.
I am sure she means well.

Negating, Denial & Confusion

Now you know that isn’t true.
You don’t mean that. You know you love your baby brother.
You don’t really mean that. You are just … (in a bad mood today, tired, cranky)

Sarcasm and Mocking

Oh, you poor thing. Did I hurt your little feelings?
What did you think? The world was created to serve you?
What happened to you? Did you get out of the wrong side of bed again?

Laying Guilt Trips

Don’t you ever think of anyone but yourself?
What about my feelings?!
Have you ever stopped to consider my feelings?

Philosophizing Or Clichés

Time heals all wounds.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Life is full of pain and pleasure.
In time you will understand this.
When you are older you will understand
You are just going through a phase.
Everything has its reasons.
Everything is just the way it is supposed to be.

Talking about the BP when she can hear it

She is impossible to talk to.
You can’t say anything to her.

Showing Intolerance

This is getting really old.
This is getting really pathetic.
I am sick of hearing about it.

bon :: Sep.17.2006 :: Validation :: No Comments »

In this study, researchers posit that traits associated with BPD are inherited (impulsivity and emotional regulation). Here is a quote from the abstract:

The effect of genes on the development of BPD is likely substantial. The effect of common family environment may be close to zero.

While the study doesn’t conclude that BPD is 100% inherited, it does point to certain genetic factors in the BPD adaptive behaviors (or maladaptive).

The main point of posting this is to chip away at the myth that BPD and other personality disorders are all the “fault” of parenting or abusive environments. One of the big problems that I have seen in the social, psychological and medical community is that when a child is identified as borderline, the parents immediately come under suspicion as being abusive or neglectful. This can cause more consternation and confusion on the part of the parents who are already dealing with a serious mental illness and the issues that come with it.

There is a common myth concerning BPD. That myth is that BPD is completely and only caused by abusive environments. Invalidating environments can be a contributing cause - but these invalidating environments do not have to be abusive. If a certain child is emotionally unstable, sometimes the parents’ reaction is “cut it out” or “get over it”. The problem with this approach is that the child feels how they feel regardless of their adpative abilities (or lack thereof). In other words, the child may feel scared or angry even if there is no external reason to feel that way. These feelings (or the inability to control them) CAN be genetic - it might be that that is just the way that they ARE.

That being said, BPD is not a sure thing or a life sentence. The sufferer can learn skills to adpat to their emotional states. Their families can also learn these skills and, if they do, they can stop contributing (even unknowingly) to the borderlines problems.

It is saddening that personality disorders (particularly Borderline and Schizotypal) are classified as Axis II disorders when other disorders (like Bipolar and Schizophernia) are Axis I. Why does it matter? It matters because of access to mental health care is restricted due to insurance coverage limitations.

bon :: Sep.04.2006 :: Biology, Borderline Personality Disorder :: No Comments »